Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Little fingers.

Last night I had a very vivid dream- 

Nothing new for me I dream often and remember them often. 

Last night I dreamt about a baby girl. This is not the first time I have dreamt about babies however this is the first time the baby was so vivid that I can describe her to you now. 

What she looked like, what she was wearing, how her fingers looked.. 

She had dark long hair. A full head of hair in fact. 

Deep dark eyes - the kind of eyes that pierce threw you. 

This little button nose that matched her itty bitty mouth with full pink lips. 

She was tiny. She couldn't have been more than 5lbs. 

She had these long skinny fingers with these little nails. They wrapped right around my finger in my dream. I remember the little lines on her knuckles. 

She was wearing a pink onesie and on it read "twins" in pastel colors- a green T, a yellow W, a blue I, a pink N, and a white S.

There was only one baby in my dream though. 

She talked too- like I said she was itty bitty and there was no doubt it was a dream once the baby told me it didn't hurt her for me to hold her anymore. 

We never called her by a name. Someone else was there- Im thinking Rob, but I never saw him, only heard a voice. 

The voice said "You did good". 

I have babies on the mind all the time. Like I've said I have dreamt about babies before but never this vivid and they surely have never spoke to me. 

I like to think of signs from above. Maybe God heard my prayers and knew I needed some kind of reassurance that eventually everything is going to be okay. Maybe this dream was a look into a future that I've been having a hard time seeing lately. 

I've been struggling this cycle. After building up last cycle so much and having such a let down I never let myself build this cycle up. I'm still not building this cycle up- the catch is last nights dream helped me see a future with a baby. So while I'm still not feeling wonderful, happy thoughts about this cycle - I have not lost hope in a future. 

A future where there is a baby girl with a pink onesie.. or a baby boy in blue... who really knows what the future holds- or what this dream actually means- but I really can't get those little fingers and dark piercing eyes out of my mind this morning. 


  1. I'm glad that dream gave you a glimpse into what your future holds. No matter how much you have to go through to get there, holding your sweet baby in your arms will all be so worth it in the end! I can't help but feel that when I finally have my baby, it will be the most loved baby ever, and I'm sure that's how you feel about your baby. We're going through so much to get them that it's easy to focus on the stress, pain, and struggle to get and stay pregnant, and it's sometimes hard to picture a future where we're done with these cycles of frustration. So I'm glad your dream gave you back a little bit of that hope. I'm sorry it's been a rough cycle for you. I'm thinking of you, and really hoping the 3rd time is a charm!! Hang in there Kasey!

  2. Kristine thank you! How are you guys doing?

    1. hanging in there! Should ovulate soon. We opted to not do a medicated cycle this month (we were going to do clomid, trigger, TI, and progesterone) because we'll be camping over the 4th, and I didn't want to risk not being able to trigger before then, or trigger but not be able to time BDing well enough, and didn't want to deal with progesterone suppositories when were in the middle of nowhere (and I probably put way too much thought into it, but it just didn't feel like the right cycle to try it). So we're gonna maybe try that next cycle, if we don't end up pregnant this month. I'm all over the place emotionally...one day I want to try right now, then I think I want to wait a couple months, then I go back to being scared that we'll get pregnant and just lose it again. I was in a pretty dark place after the last miscarriage and I'm afraid to feel that way if it happens again. I also need to get back on track with being healthy and keep thinking I should lose a few pounds before getting pregnant, but I can't seem to stop the emotional eating.

      That was a really long winded response! All in all I guess I'm doing ok, at least the hope for getting pregnant is starting to outweigh the fear of another loss.

      I hope this TWW flies by for you and ends with fabulous news :)

  3. ((Kristine)) I don't think you thought about it too much I think it makes absolute sense! I'm praying for you guys always! Xo