Dear Pam and Horizon Blue Cross..

Dear Pam, 

If you stumble here somehow and manage to read this I truly want you to know how truly thankful I am that I reached you on the other end of the benefits line today. I want to apologize for bursting into tears and making you  emotional and worried about me. Most of all thank you for fixing the billing issues. 

I know how blessed we are to have wonderful insurance. I wish so many others were as blessed as we are. For all of our IUI's up until June 2012 we only had to pay a $10 copay for each visit. The only additional payments we were required to make were for blood work in regards to progesterone because my insurance company wanted me to go to another lab for that. 

So when we received $1202.36 bill yesterday for June's IUI and July's blood work I nearly fainted. How could we go from having coverage and never receiving a bill- to receiving this large bill? This large bill that needed prompt payment prior to any further treatment. My husband lost his job in June, and at that time we switched the insurance over to my name. It is the same exact insurance company though. So what went wrong? Why don't we have coverage. anymore? Why are our deductibles threw the roof right now?? Did I do something wrong when I switched the insurance? We can't afford this is our IUI going to be cancelled?? So many questions. So much going through my mind. 

So today I went to the doctors and found that my little lonesome follicle did grow to 19mm and lining was still okay at 7mm so my IUI was scheduled for tomorrow morning. We can't afford the bill we just received, let alone go through with another IUI if there is change in our coverage right now. So when I got home from the doctors office I promptly called the benefits line. 

Thats when I reached you Ms. Pam. You took your time to explain that the issue was that all the information from our insurance when under my husbands name needed to be transferred to my name. The bills would be resubmitted, and we wouldn't owe anything. We wouldn't OWE anything. 

We are still covered. We can move forward in this cycle. I didn't do something wrong. 

We wouldn't owe anything. 

And then I started hysterically crying. You told me to take a deep breath. You promised me its all okay and there is no change in coverage. You wouldn't hang up until I stopped crying. You wished me luck. You were a human. You were like a mother. 

Pam you made my day. You really lifted a weight that had me backed into a corner. I was so scared that we were not going to be able to do this IUI. After all the other worries I have about this cycle- billing was not one of them. 

So while you may never find your way here, and you are probably currently leaning into a coworkers cubicle to tell them you just had a hysterical woman on your line- I truly thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

You see in this journey there is already so much. I've been carrying it around and pushing forward for so long now. I put on my happy face. I don't cry often- and unfortunately for you- you recieved me at the end of my rope. 

They were happy tears Pam. Tomorrow I will go to the doctors office and have my IUI. Everything will be covered by my insurance. My super follicle has stuck around and there is no reason left that this can't work. 

So Im sorry I burst into the tears- but I am just so happy that this may be it. That after lots and lots of hurdles - maybe this is it. And you Pam- you had a part in it. 

Im so thankful. 

So very thankful and blessed. 

Love,

The way overly emotional infertile woman you just hung up with<3

On Baby Names and Waiting Games

A wonderful friend who is expecting twins announced the names of her babies this morning. This in and of itself did not bother me-- what bothers worries me is that what is someone takes our names?

The names that we have already chosen for our future children. The names of babies that are not here yet. The names we have talked about and the names that we love and cherish for many reason, but mainly that they are near and dear to our hearts.

What is while we continue to wait and wait those names are taken up by all of our friends?

I suppose its not the worst thing that can happen. After all we can come up with new names -- that wouldn't be the end of the world I suppose. It just seems like another injustice of having to wait and wonder -when? and how much longer?

I feel fine this morning- not much of anything going on. Still have AF which is a good thing I think - since last month it only lasted two days- we are up to four days this cycle. Last night I was a bit weepy- but I am normally weepy so combine weepyness with PMS and hormones and you get tears amplified. They were literally just flowing from my eyes for no apparent reason- and then I just started laughing because it was ridiculous because I didn't even know why I was crying. Some guy was popping and dancing on So You Think You Can Dance- it was not emotion provoking in the least so I'm going to go with my body just wanted  needed to cry.

Special note that I am thinking of my friend Rachel today as she under goes another IUI. My heart is with you today and may this one be the one for you love<3