I'm not pregnant.. what else is new..

What else is there to really say about that?

Honestly I am bummed. Worse than bummed I feel defeated and broken and all those other immensely un- happy and un-helpful infertile person thoughts that can creep in on the really bad days.

I was truly looking for good news. I truly felt like this was the cycle. I felt so good about it… so positive.

At one point I would have sworn to you -I had this feeling and I knew there was not only going to be a baby this cycle- but more than one!

We had at least two good eggs. Good lining. Confirmed release of the eggs. We had great sperm counts.

And yet. Here I am still barren as the day is long.

I guess if I’m looking for good news its that for the first time in ages I had a 14 day luteal phase. –yay! Lol

I will call my RE at some point today to discuss the next treatment plan. They already said they want to try another round with 150 mg Clomid- plus the dexamethasone. My RE does 3 rounds of Clomid and then considers it a failure after the 3rd cycle. Maybe 3rd times the charm..

I want to discuses in greater detail the lack of Progesterone. Normal for a women ovulating is over 10. For a woman who is being treated by Clomid – or any medicated cycle for that matter- it should be at least over 15. I am still barely over 10. Its concerning and its the only thing that is still "off". Maybe its the key to the broken baby maker puzzle…

I would actually feel better about this entire ordeal if they could say to me- "Here! here is the problem and now we will attempt to solve it!"

But, nope. No one knows what the problem seems to be. So now we will pick ourselves up and move forward onto another cycle of Clomid. Which for the record - I am absolutely not excited about. Clomid. 150mg seemed to do wonders with my emotional well being- and by wonders I mean I turn into Crazy-Kasey. Half Kasey Half batshitbanana's lady with very little patience for very much of anything.

Not exactly the best emotional state for me to be in considering our current state.

Cheers to 22 cycles of tracking and trying and failing– and still hoping and praying that cycle 23 is the one.

Tonight I will do what most infertile women do when they also find out they aren’t pregnant – pop a cork on a bottle of wine and think about happier times and dreams of a future where I get to have a big baby belly and share good news with you all.