Happy ICLW and All About The Egg Retreival

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Rob and I are in the midst of our first (and fingers crossed only) IVF cycle after 6 failed IUI's and over three years of TTC. Tomorrow is our egg retreival day and we are filled with so much hope for the things that are yet to come.

That doesn't mean we haven't had our times of despair and sorrow. I surely have cried enough tears during this journey- but for right now we are doing our very best to surround ourselves with positive thoughts.

I wanted to share this video on Egg Retrieval. It's helped ease some of my fears about tomorrow.

I should mention this is not my clinic- just a video I found online, but they do a wonderful job of explaining  the procedure in a short amount of time without too much medical jargon to cloud the point.

Basically we will arrive at 10:30 am and they will prep me for anesthesia. I was told to wear my warmest socks (which I bought a week or so ago-- those big shea socks with all the fuzzy stuff on the inside) and comfy clothing. I was advised not to wear any jewerly, no make up, no hairspray or perfume, and no nail polish.

They advised me that the procedure itself shouldn't take much more than 30 mins to 60 mins depending on how many follicles are there and there accecibility. Afterwards I can expect to be there another 30 mins to 60 mins depending on how I recover from the anesthesia.

If the past is an indicator I should pack a bucket, because almost ever instance where I have gone under I wake up and then puke a short while after. Rob has taken off all of tomorrow since he will need to be there not only to drive me there, but to contribute his part in this as well. He also took off on Friday so that I can take it easy for the day.

For today I plan to hydrate properly and eat a later then normal dinner since I will under go anesthesia tomorrow morning and can not eat after midnight tonight. I think I am going to be so excited I won't even notice that I missed my morning coffee.

I hope to update you all tomorrow once I am feeling up to it about how many eggs were retreived, but if not I surely will update you all by Friday.

On Friday the embryologist should call and update with the number of embryo's and hopefully schedule our transfer day. My clinic does 3-5 day transfers- so Sunday, Monday, or Tuesday could all be possible transfer dates.

My only plan for the weekend is to head to Church either Saturday night or Sunday depending on what our transfer day will be and continue to thank God for all that he has provided during this journey.

Thank you all for your well wishes and prayers- I truly feel blessed to have such an amazing support system to lean on during this journey.

I truly can not wait for my next update to you all!

Retrieval Is Set!

Our retrieval is set for Thursday at 11am!!! 

We made it!!

Everything went great today- I have 10 follicles that should be mature enough to have eggs once retrieved, with the chance of a few more catching up also being possible. That was our goal- so I feel very good. I feel like my body pulled through.

Tonight I will do a double trigger shot of Ovidrel and 450 IU of Gonal-F for the last push to mature the eggs at 10:30 pm. I will also start a Z-pack today. Menopur and Ganirelex are discontinued at this point.

At midnight tomorrow night I will be NPO (nothing by mouth..) and then Thursday we should arrive at the IVF clinic at 10:30 to prep me for retrieval. Tomorrow I will explain more about the actual retrieval process. 

Today I'm feeling all kinds of emotions all at once- peace, excitement, nervousness, happy.. I'm just so very ready :) 

We are suppose to get hit with a snow storm today into tonight- 8-12 inches planned to fall. I already hit the grocery store after my appointment today and grabbed some goodies to get us through not only the storm but the weekend so I can relax as long as need be and not have to worry about it.

I feel like we are all set and ready and things are coming together perfectly.I really can't wait till we get to hear about how our embryo's are growing. Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts during this entire process. I still feel pretty good physically and my only complaint is the overwhelming fatigue. However I will take the fatigue ten times over if it means a healthy baby at the end of all of this.

Yesterday the women of my church met and at the end we all prayed for different things in one an-others lives. As my good friend prayed over me and my body and the journey that we have been on the tears started to fall from my eyes and I couldn't hold in the sadness. It felt so good to release anything I had been holding in. 

There was more there though than sadness. Listening to my friend pray this beautiful prayer over me helped bring me even more peace-- and even though I was outwardly crying inwardly I could feel the love wrapping around me. 

To hear someone who has watched you on your journey pray for you and speak over you from their point of view is a beautiful thing. I think often times we are our own worst critics. We see our very worst moments on the highlight reels-- but other's don't see that in us. To hear a different highlight reel-- to hear her pray over me and to have these women hold onto me tightly as I cried-- it was a perfect moment.

My friend said this- "What happens when we cry to our Daddy's? We normally get what we need to make us feel better. Crying to our Father in Heaven surely means he will help to heal those tears. He hears you. He is going to give you comfort." 

I know that God doesn't always answer prayers exactly how we see fit. Typically God answers prayers by opening other doors or presenting things to us in a different light. 

I can't help but think that he has been answering my prayers while building my faith during this journey-- just not the way I thought he would. I thought we would have a baby by now- that's what I prayed for after all, but instead we have developed friend ships and relationships that would have never came to us if we hadn't been on this journey. 

Our baby has been prayed over time and time and time again. Our baby is already loved by so many people and so incredibly blessed. And our baby is not even here on this earth yet. That is a beautiful thing. 

During this journey our faith has been tested and instead of turning away we have set off to make our faith stronger. My goal for this year isn't to become a mother- its to continue to become a stronger Christian. To become a strong Christian Wife. And then ultimately become a strong Christian Mother. 

If it wasn't for this journey I'm not sure if those would have been my goals. This journey has given me so much hope. So much love. So many friendships. And while there were certainly moments where I cried out why. Now I understand the answers to that. If he would have answered all those prayers -- if IUI 1 would have worked or we were able to conceive on our own-- we wouldn't have been on this journey. We wouldn't be here. 

I wouldn't have met all of you. 

It wouldn't be this baby, because I truly feel like our baby is here this time. 

And if this isn't the answer yet-- God will show me why and when. If he has something else planned someday I will understand.  

For now- I stay in a place of total peace and understanding. For now I pray for the doctors and nurses who preform my surgery to have steady hands and retrieve my follicles without too much effort. I pray that our embryos grow healthy and strong and that the embryologist watches over them all just as their Mother would. I pray that God watches over Rob and I during this all and keeps us wrapped safely in his arms. 

I'll leave you with a line to a Garth Brooks song-- 

"Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers!"

Today Is A Good Day!

Thank you all for your prayers and well wishes for the loss of my friend Kevin. I will be sure his spirit lives on with me always. Death sadly is a part of life and while we grieve here on earth I know that he is watching over all of us and completely at peace. It's knowing that which helps me to remember him with a smile on my face <3

Today is a very good day- I just returned from the RE's- I have continued growth in almost all my follicles. The average size is around 18mm right now with some at 20mm and some around 13mm and a few scattered in between. 

My lining is at 12mm!! (Woot!) 

Tonight I will stim for hopefully the last night with my Gonal-F upped to 300 IU, Menopur 225 IU, Dexamethasone .25 and Ganirelex 225 mcg. 

The hope is that upping the Gonal-F will help give some of the smaller follicles a little bump and a chance at being mature. The hope is to retrieve over 10 mature eggs and we are pretty close to that right now.

I return for another scan tomorrow and my retrieval should be on Thursday. It's not set in stone just yet, but Dr. V sounded pretty confident in it. 

I'm still feeling pretty good and I'm excited as we move forward. It's been a long journey to get to this point of utter peace. I know that my doctors are doing their very best. I know that my body is doing its very best. And I know that the rest is truly up to God. 

Good things really are coming :) I can feel it and I'm choosing to stay positive and not think about any other outcome other than being pregnant as we move forward<3 I know that being so positive could set me up for a fall if things don't go as planned-- but life is like that. You never know what the very next moment will bring and I am choosing to live in hope that good things are coming. 

That the best is yet to come. 

The Good and The Bad.

I have so much going on in my head that I need to spill forth so if this is everywhere all at once I apologize for the roller coaster. 

Lets start with the good-

I have my follicle scan yesterday. There are still 12 follicles growing, and there may be more that they cant see because my left ovary is in a difficult spot to view behind my uterus. They are still growing small most right around 12 mm right now, but they are growing together and that is a good thing. 

My lining is also at 9mm which is really good and by the time we get to transfer it should certainly be into the double digits which is an amazing lining to place a little embryo snugly into.

I still don't have a retrieval date. I go for another scan on Monday and they said we should be able to set up a retrieval day at that point. My doctor yesterday thinks Wednesday or Thursday. Either way I am so ready. I'm continuing with 225 Gonal-F, 225 Menopur, and Ganirelex along with .25 Dexemethesone. 

My best friend was able to come with me to my appointment and we did some shopping afterwards and share a lovely lunch. I bought a new outfit, which essentially is sweat pants and thermal shirts. My idea was to be warm and comfy for my retrieval. While in line a woman who was obviously pregnant was behind us. I took that as a good sign instead of viewing it as something bad. While checking out the cashier also commented that the clothes were super soft- which was key in my choosing them so I think that was also a win. 

Crush from Finding Nemo! He's so cool :)

I also went to Vikki Secret and bought new under wear. I found undies with turtles on them. Many of you, I am sure, are familiar with turtles as a sign of fertility. I also have a certain affinity for turtles. I thought it was awesome when the cashier commented on my turtle under wear. I just took all the little things as signs that things are going just how they are supposed to! 

Squirt from Finding Nemo! I hope to be growing my own little squirt soon:)

So that was the good. Everything with our IVF is moving forward- albeit slowly- but continuing in forward motion. Thank you for all of your continued support and prayers for our cycle. I feel like this is it- I feel positive and happy. I feel like we are in the right place for us right now. Other than the fatigue and bloat I do not feel bad at all. Things are going so well. 

Now for the bad- A long time coworker and a true friend was found dead at the age of 42 yesterday morning. Kevin J. Seybold was a paramedic for NJ -Medic 2335 and a Fire Fighter for the City of Camden. Kevin was more than that though- Kevin was a father to his beautiful, young daughter Taylor. Kevin was a God Father, Brother, Cousin, Uncle.... Kevin devoted his life selflessly towards others. Long after Kevin left working at the same company as I do he kept up with my life. He would always check in on me, make sure I was healthy, happy, and well. 

RIP Kevin J Seybold

My heart truly broke with the news yesterday. He's so young. He had so much more to give. Apparently Kev hadn't been feeling well for a few days and yesterday he didn't show up for work- which is not like him- so they sent a friend and coworker to his home where they found him dead at home. 

I know that he isn't in pain any longer. I know that he is looking down on all of us and willing us to stop our crying. I know that Kevin saved lives during his time here on earth and I know that Kevin will continue to inspire us long after he is gone. 

Kevin - I hope you can see how many people you have impacted. I hope you know that your spirit and your ability to always make us laugh will live on in all of us. 

God needed another Fire Fighter 

So its been a difficult weekend. I've had wonderful moments this weekend, but they are so clouded with my grief. This is the the fourth coworker in less than a year that we have had a lay to rest. Its a sad remember than as we all quest for life-- death continues on as well. Our lives are not guaranteed here on this earth. Its so important to cherish what we have-- you just do not know what tomorrow will bring.

IUI 6

Everything seemed to go well today- DH had 32 million motile post wash. IUI was at about 09:30am. I felt ovulation pain and a lot of cramping all morning. Other than that things were fine. 

The lake that is next to my house- its most relaxing this time of year... 

By the time we got home I was exhausted. Still am in fact. It is official that if this cycle doesn't work I will be taking a break. My body is tired, my mind is tired, my poor hubby is tired. If this isn't it then its time to nap for an indefinite amount of time. 

I'm praying for a lot of my bloggy friends who had egg retrievals  IUIs, FET's, and consults today. I hope that your mind is strong and your body cooperates. I hope your doctors are wise and steady. I hope that October 19th is truly a lucky day for us all. 

Praying hard. Letting Jesus take the wheel and resting <3 

Happy ICLW~ IUI 5- Proceeding w/ Caution

Happy ICLW thanks for stopping by!! If you haven't followed along so far here is a quick update for our Journey So Far.

If you aren't familiar with ICLW its a wonderful group of women who have become some of my best friends and biggest supporters- you can read more about ICLW here. If you are looking for a group to help pick you up and cheer you on they got your back :) 

So far IUI #5 has gone like this- 

-First no follicles wanted to grow. 

--Then no follies grew again. 

---Then one follie showed some initiative and grew enough to keep the cycle moving forward and left a little hope. 

Which brings us to today- first off my lining is T/L 12mm which is prime baby making goodness. Three cheers for uterine lining! 

My Right Ovary- which was 11mm and (2) 9mm follies- today they are 16mm and (2) 13mm -my cyst seems almost resolved. He didn't even measure it. 

My Left Ovary-which was 9mm and 8mm follies- today they are (2) 13mm 

So we went from little to no hope to possibly having to cancel the cycle because if they all continue to grow we would be talking about the possibility of 5 mature follicles. 

Dr O says he doesn't want me to trigger yet and I need to come back again in Monday for yet again another ultrasound and more blood work. Im also continue 225 IU Menopur and Dex .25 daily. 


**edited my APN just called and told me my estrogen is still low and they do want me to up my Menopur to 300 IU daily till Monday. Which officially scares me, but she says its going to be just fine. 


There are a few scenarios here- 

Scenario 1- I surge on my own and ovulate prior to Monday's appt. IUI would be canceled and DH and I should proceed with caution on TI b/c lord only knows how many follicles I could release. I have a friend who had twins with a 14mm follie. 

Scenario 2- I don't surge on my own. I return Monday and the perfect/ideal number of follicles continue to mature. 3 at most continue growing and then I trigger and have my IUI Wednesday. 

Scenario 3- Anything over 3 matures and the IUI is cancelled fearing high order multiples. 

So now I go from praying "grow grow grow" to asking for God to only let a few grow and stop some of the others. I feel like I am being picky here, but quintuplets is not something I am ready for, however I am ready for a baby or two. 

God has a plan here. Praying it all turns out exactly how its suppose to. 

Happy ICLW my friends and thanks for all your well wishes, happy thoughts, and prayers. IUI 5 is still moving forward- however with caution. 

Power of Positive Thoughts..

Thank you all for your kind words yesterday- they really made me feel much better about everything in a way the doctor was not able to.

I feel really good today. Im going to head to the local shops today with my best friend and walk around and enjoy the sun shine.

I am more than okay with 3 follicles and now I just want those 3 or even just 1 of the 3 to grow. The fact that my follicles only grew 1mm over 3 days is of concern but one of the nurses called me last night to say that Dr. V wanted me to up my Menopur to 150 IU for the next three nights to help with some growth. 

I was worried it was going to burn more with a higher concentration, but it wasn't bad at all. 

The hubby, the dog and I walked a 5k yesterday on the bike trail. Im not suppose to run right now so it was nice to get out there and walk. It was a beautiful evening and there was a nice breeze. I think we are going to try to make it something we do as a family more often. Fresh air always does the body good :)

I also had acupuncture yesterday. Dominic told me not to fret to and to just practice my deep breathing during my treatment. I had a lot more needles than I normally do especially in my abdomen and wrists. I also had the heat lamp over my abdomen. It was nice and I definitely felt more at ease once I left. 

I spent the afternoon with my Mom shopping and hanging out- I discussed us moving - which is becoming more and more of a possibility and she became very worried that we were leaving soon. 

If/when we move it won't be until the new year, but I could tell she was fretting the entire time we were together. Last night while we were laying in bed she text me and said -"If you move to Texas, we are following you guys" 

It melted my heart to think that my parents would follow us despite their entire lives being here. I don't know whats going to happen in our futures. I do know Rob needs work and he is just not finding it here. I would be delighted if my parents followed us. My Mom - while she can make me crazy at times- does mean the world to me. 

So that brings me to the real point of my post- my plan for the next few cycles was a break until December, but I have wonderful insurance coverage with my job here- and if we do move I can not guarantee that. I would also have to find a new practice and be comfortable with it. I don't know what I am going to do now, since the likelihood of us moving seems more and more real.

So many questions. So much to think about. 

All of which I have decided to promptly push to the back of my head. I need to focus on living in today. Right here, right now. 

We are in the middle of a great cycle. These follicles are going to grow and I won't have to fret about future cycles.

Ill cross the bridge if I must- but for the rest of this cycle Im going to really zone in on the power of positive thought. 

So todays positive thoughts are that these follicles are growing big and strong and are going to be ready for IUI sooner rather than later :) 

Thank you guys again for letting me spill forth my emotions without judgement. I don't know anywhere else you can let it all out and still feel cared for and find answers without fear of judgement. 

You bloggy ladies are such a great rock, support system and might I add answered questions that the doctor didn't seem to have answers too. <3 

Houston We Have Follicles

Houston we have follicles.

Not that this has ever been a problem I always have follicles. Its them going from follicles to babies that seems to always be an issue. But, since we must start with follicles first- yay for follicles

Right ovary has 11mm, 8mm and 8 mm

Left ovary has 10mm and 9mm

All really good sized for this early in my cycle and all will hopefully continue to grow.

My lining was at 5 which is also good for this early in my cycle. Hopefully everything continues down the right path.

The plan is to continue with Menopur 75 IU and .25 Dex until Monday and go back for another ultrasound and more blood work.

Menopur isn't so bad. It does burn- without a doubt it burns- but the first dose was definitely the worse. Since that dose the other doses have no been as bad because I know exactly what to expect. The side effects are nothing compared to Clomid.

Clomid gave me awful night sweats and I have not had a single night sweat since being off the Clomid. I was laying in bed last night thinking- wow Im not sweating and I don't have to change the sheets. I like this better.

I am a bit all over the place emotionally. I go from happy go lucky and hopeful to sad and teary eyed. Its hormones- but its also infertility in and of itself.

There are good days and bad days. I think the hormones make me go from good minutes to bad minutes in no time. I was trying to fall asleep and I was thinking goodness me I am all over the place. I don't think watching The Odd Life of Timothy Green helped one bit.

I was sobbing like a mad woman. Then I was praying. Then I was laughing. Then I decided I needed to shut off my brain and just go to sleep. Which I was able to do thankfully.

All in all a really good appointment today. Monday will bring more information and another acupuncture appointment.

Hope everyone else is getting good news this cycle too :)

Fists of frustrated fury..

Today was my cycle day 12 appointment with the RE.

　

I still have Big Bertha- she is now inside my uterus though which means its a brandy new cyst. This Big Bertha is small- but concerning. Hopefully she just disappears and causes me no more issues.

　

But these bitches seem to really like the environment I got brewing in there.

　

I have a nice 7mm lining and 2 follicles on the left 16mm & 17mm and 1 on the right 12mm.

I swear he said that one of my follicles was behind my ovary. I have no idea what that means and I really wish I would have asked because my internet research isn’t revealing much of anything useful. Maybe it was hiding..

Ill go with that unless anyone out there has any insightful information about this..

Pending my blood work results today the plan is-

　

I will take my Ovidrelle shot Saturday night at 9pm and have IUI # 3 on Monday.

Ill start my Progesterone Suppositories after IUI.

　

I saw Dr S. today. He is normally upbeat and always talked to me in a positive light-- before today that is. Today he didn't say anything positive. There are no glaring issues for him -and in turn me- to not be positive about. But once he started on his next steps tirade I just felt defeated.

　　

Like dude lets not discuss this until its time.

Can I hear a – "And then we will see you 7 days post IUI for bloodwork and 15 days post IUI for positive beta! Fingers crossed for you!"

But no- I get the "next cycle were gonna… or we may.. or lets discuss" conversation instead..

I get it- he wants to prepare me - but still the lack of positivity and avoidance of discussing this cycle any farther put me in a sad mood.

　

I wanted to cry and couldn’t put my finger on why.

I still want to cry and now its because I am so over appointments and blood work and the va-jay-jay cam.

I don’t usually sit around feeling sorry for myself but with two more friends of ours announcing their pregnancy’s I just want to shout and cry and ball my fists up in frustrated fury.

Dear uterus, ovaries, follicles and spermies- lets pull it together shall we!

Hopefully little Bertha doesn't produce any hormones or grow or do much of anything other than diss-a-freaking-pear.

　

Hopefully I ovulate and my progesterone levels rise. Hopefully this doom and gloom attitude disappears.

　

Hopefully 3rd time really is the charm.

IUI # 2

So after much stress and schedule changes to get there we had IUI # 2 today.

I went to a different office and saw a different doctor- (and now we pray for a different outcome as well) who off the bat made me feel so good about this cycle. He greeted me by shaking my hand and said- "I feel lucky don't you here's some luck"

A lot of this process is about luck. Getting the good eggs. Getting good counts. Getting good lining. Luckily finding coverage to get there.

I asked for an ultrasound prior to IUI to determine if I actually ovulated. He said while they don't normally do this at this practice it can't hurt anything and he obliged. I definitely ovulated the two larger follicles and there is a possibility that I ovulated a smaller follicle as well. I felt much better knowing I definitely ovulated. Rob's counts were almost double our last IUI at 46 million post wash.


The IUI itself was very painful compared to the last IUI. Dr P said it could be due to the Clomid and how it messes with the cervical mucus. The pain was gone after the procedure was done and I feel fine now. We talked about what happens if there is a next cycle. We will try one more Clomid cycle since I did respond well to it this cycle. They probably will not go up to 200mg with it however it will depend on my 7 days post IUI blood work to determine the definite next treatment plan. We also discussed the possibility of progesterone supplementation. Dr P told me we will wait to see what my progesterone is at 7 days post IUI. If it is low we will proceed with progesterone supplementation. He said that he has seen people with progesterone as low as mine was last cycle and still conceive.

All in all everything is aligned for a good cycle.

All in all I really think this is the cycle. I know I have felt that before-- but this time I feel like maybe something is different<3

Now we wait :) --I am soooo sick of waiting FYI


Prayers and well wishes- baby dances- always always welcome<3

Overcoming more obstacles..

This cycle would be nothing if it were not for obstacles.

This entire journey has been one giant obstacle.

I had my CD 12 ultra sound today. All follicles were on my right side there was a 20mm, 17mm and a 14mm and 12mm. My lining was at 7mm. I met with the head of the practice today and we talked about my progesterone levels and discussed taking progesterone suppositories - he wants to wait for my blood work to come back and I am okay with that.

I will take my ovidrelle trigger on Saturday night and they want me to have my IUI on Monday.

Memorial Day Monday my friends - of course I was off, however a co-worker needed a favor and so I picked up his shift for him.

Now I need to find coverage for myself- not an easy feet when the entire weekend is suppose to be a washout- except for Monday, when the sun is supposed to shine down on us.

They also have me going to a office about an hour away because the office down here will be closed on Monday.

So now we are trying to figure out coverage and getting up there. Its added stress that I could truly do without- but we will figure it out. We will find a way.