Rob and I met in March 2007. This is our journey into parenthood- for now its about our struggle TTC however I know that someday there will be stories from a Mama here!
We leave for Disney tomorrow so I will be a bit off line -- which also means I will be missing out on ICLW. Ill do my best to read and try to comment, but I don't really plan on writing many- if any- posts while I am away enjoying vacation with the family. If this is your first time stopping by Rob and I have been TTC for over 3 years. We've had 6 failed IUI's- 3 attempts with Clomid and 3 attempts with Menopur. I have been diagnosed with PCOS and possible Endometriosis. I never had a final diagnosis on the Endo because we opted out of the lap procedure and went forward with our first IVF. We started the IVF process in the beginning of October with paper work and the particulars and our cycle started at the beginning of January. On the 28th of January we had our transfer of 1 AA and 1 AB embryo. On February 3rd I had my first positive HPT and have had wonderful -high even- beta's since then. Today was our first ultra sound and we were praying that we would get to see something. Today I am 5 weeks 6 days. I just wanted to say that if you are in the trenches and having a hard time with ultra sound photos or pregnancy announcements or pregnancies that I know that feeling well. It took a long time for me to embrace others pregnancies. So no worries if you aren't in the right place I don't want to cause you any more pain. Please know that I am available to answer questions though and am always here to pray for anyone in pain or that needs an extra thought passed their way. Feel free to email me stupidbrokeneggs@gmail.com. For now keep the faith <3 Good things are coming your way!
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Without further ado-
Baby A on Top and Baby B on the bottom
Its twins ya'll!!! Baby A is measuring ahead at 6w4d and Baby B at 6w0d. We are just so incredibly blessed! Over the moon excited!! We can not wait to tell our parents :) God is so good! And we are so excited <3 <3 We know that we have a ways to go- that there are things that can happen such as vanishing twin, but we're holding tight to our faith that we are having two babies! Thanks for all the love <3 We're heading off to see Mickey Mouse and celebrate in Disney World!
Today at 16dp5dt my beta was 3300+. Which really is just perfect- if not above the curve. I know you can’t go off of beta’s, but between you and I – I think both of my embabies took and are growing in there. I won’t be sad or disappointed if there is only one- but I just feel like there is a really good chance that there are two.
I thought I was all done with beta's and they would schedule my ultra sound today- but my APN called me and said that they want to done one more beta on Monday. My APN was super sweet- she was so excited to be calling me because no one told her I was pregnant. I thought she was going to cry on the phone- which of course made me cry.
I am kind of a bummed about the return for a 4th beta- but as long as everything is progressing well its okay.
I am now experiencing food aversions along with the nausea. The baby must be mostly vegetarian because even the thought of most meats is repulsive. I told Rob he had to cook all the meats right now- but even . I had some chicken strips for lunch and those were okay- mainly because someone else cooked it and I didn't have to see it raw, but the idea of raw meat... well blech.
So if you have any wonderful vegetarian dishes I should try that are easy on the stomach- please share :)
Other than that I am focusing on eating well and drinking lots of water to stay hydrated.
I think what I am struggling with most is my fear. It seems to grow daily. I'm doing my best to push all of my fears down. Sometimes I don't think that this is real- that I’m not really pregnant at all and there is some mistake. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night in an utter panic - that this is all a dream and that I don’t deserve t his at all. Sometimes when I feel crampy I bolt off to the bathroom expecting to see blood. There are times when I can't breathe because I am so afraid that there won't be a heart beat-- that it’s all a lie or made up. The thoughts just swirl around in my head and I can’t stop them- the best I can do is take a deep breath and attempt to push them away.
Other times I know I am pregnant- Mostly when I am nauseous. I actually welcome nausea right now because it’s reassuring. It reminds me that it’s real and there’s a baby growing that is causing the nausea. Who knew that feeling sick would be so welcoming, but every time I get hit with another wave of nausea I smile and just know that it’s real.
I’m not sure if the fear will ever really go away. Right now I’m afraid that its just not meant to be. That it is some dream in my mind—and then I know once I have my ultrasound and I see the heart beat then I am going to be afraid of not keeping the pregnancy. Once I get out of the safe zone I am going to remember that there really is never a "safe zone". Those bad things do happen all the time to good people. That I have friends that have experienced these awful things.
Fear is such an ugly thing. It robs us of all the good that we could be embracing- and while I work on forgetting the fears and living in the moment I can’t help but feel emotional. I feel emotional for all the other women who know the fear too well. I feel emotional for the Mommy’s with barren arms. I feel emotional that I don’t want to be in their shoes ver. And then I feeling afraid and feeling anything but utter joy. And then I think I may have survivoirs guilt. Why me and not everyone else? Then I feel bad for feeling that and not embracing this blessing even more.
Sometimes I wish that I was naïve. That I didn’t know that babies die; that I didn’t understand things like chemical pregnancies. Other times I try to remember that most babies make it and are born perfectly healthy and happy.
Right now in this moment- I’m a strange mixture of fear and joy. And I am not sure if those feelings will ever subside. But I am trying so hard to focus on joy. Focus on happy.
Things are going really-really well. Today was Beta # 2 at 13dp5dt and it was 1,125 with a doubling time of 51.62 hours. Which is perfect. Normal doubling times in early pregnancy are between 31 & 72 hours and I fall nicely right in the middle there. My next Beta is Thursday.
Every night Rob kisses my belly goodnight. He's calling the baby a boy- when I said you know it could be a girl too right- he told me to just let him call the baby a boy now. Then he told the dog (ya we talk to the dog in our house-- alot! LOL) that if its a girl he's in so much trouble.
He said a baby girl will be wrapped firmly around his fingers. So very true. So for now its baby boy.
I know that its against what I should do-- with all that could go wrong we're supposed to wait until its "safe" to tell people your pregnant. But, I can't help myself. When someone asks me how things are going I tell them. Then I get giddy and excited all over again.. and I'm not going to apologize for it. I also don't plan on shouting it from the roof tops- but we waited so long to say we were pregnant- I don't think I can keep this secret for very long at all.
This baby is our miracle and no matter how long He's with us I want to rejoice in his life and celebrate this moment. I want to give glory to God for allowing me this time. I want to be excited and live without fear.
That doesn't mean I don't have my moments where I am struck by fear and panic. Where I am scared breathless and awake from a soundless sleep fearing the very worst. I am human- I'm just doing my best to pray through those moments and live in the moment and hope for the very best.
I've gotten some wonderful gifts this last week- Elisha from Waiting for Baby Bird sent me A Seed of Hope God's Promises of Fertility- a daily devotional. Which is so inspiring and fills me with hope every single time I open it. She also sent me a Valentine's gift. It's filled with little Tootsie Rolls which are just the perfect little sweet treat. Elisha thank you so much for being such a sweet friend!!
One of my sweet friends also sent me Gin-Gin's for my nausea. They are sticky little ginger candies (which are all natural and gluten free). I've been biting off half a candy and chewing on it until the nausea passes.
I spent the morning planning out our Disney Dining Reservations and looking up show times. I want to see shows I haven't seen before since I won't be able to ride my favorite rides-- trust me this is a dream come true and I am not complaining. I'm super excited to get to say that I can't ride something because I'm pregnant. I'm also excited to explore some shows and things in Disney I may have over looked in the passed.
I also ordered maternity shorts. Sayyyyy what?? Yup. I am bloated and swollen and there is no way last years shorts are going to fit me during our trip- and I was not buying the next size up to not be able to wear them this summer either-- so I took a deep breath-- prayed for the very best and ordered them. How's that for faith that everything is going to be just fine.
While in Disney we plan on telling Rob's parents and Sister since we are all going together. We want to tell my parents the day before we leave too. Everyone deserves to be happy with us-- at least that's our motto.
I bought these wooden blocks from Etsy and plan to package them up with a picture frame of the ultrasound photo. Our first ultra sound is suppose to be right before we leave so I am praying everything stays as planned and no forks are thrown in the road. For my parents we are going to stop over and tell them we want to leave them a key before we go just in case there are any issues at the house. Then we will give them their package. For Rob's parents we plan to give it to them at dinner the first night in Disney. I'm excited- I can't wait to see everyone's faces.
I'm also excited because I'm going to be passing some of my left over friends to a sweet sweet blog friend who will be starting her own IVF journey shortly. Not only am I so happy to be able to hand these medications over to someone who can use them and deserves them- but I can't wait to see her smiling face and give her a hug and pray with her and for her this coming weekend <3 xo I'll leave you with this line from the card Elisha sent me- this scripture is perfect because I am continuing to trust in the Lord and I am also studying Luke right now as part of the 90 day Bible Challenge. "Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!" - Luke 1:45
"The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me." ~ Psalm 138:8
Not he may.. Not he might.. Nope-- He WILL!
This has been my motto since one of my oldest and bestest friends made Rob and I dinner a few nights ago and placed a card on top with that verse on it-
Thank you Laura for being my best friend<3
I've been laying low- I hate symptom spotting because sometimes we can make so much up in our minds. Is this a symptom? Is this the extra medication? Is this my mind playing tricks on my body? I hate if's-
But here's what has been going on for a few days- crampy, like AF cramps that come and go, nausea which was decreasing in ferocity- but has come back the last two days with a vengeance, abdominal pain on both sides where my my ovaries are, swelling/bloating in my abdomen and in my face (Im blaming the steroids on the facial swelling), did I mention nausea?? A funny feeling in my belly- like gassy.. but not? Constipation which I have been battling with since ER (TMI I know and Im sorry at some point I will be doing an entire post dedicated to the nightmare that was/is)
I've been wavering from "just knowing Im pregnant".. to just knowing this isn't the one and preparing myself for the end..
Then last night I was laying on the floor at my friends house while everyone watched the game. It felt better to stretched out and I had my hands on my belly and I just "knew". I text a friend who told me I needed to just test and see and prepare myself if its negative it could still turn positive- but just test and see-
So I have to tell you all I have been so on the fence about telling you guys the results- whether negative or positive, but since I believe so strongly in the power of positive thoughts and prayers I decided to share.
Here are the parameters- If we are friends in Facebook land please please please please nothing to be posted- its far too early. If we are friends in real life please instead of texting us- just say a prayer that this is it. Its not official yet, and I just want to take some time to process this information with just Rob and I.
So here we go- please don't feel to read any farther if you are in a bad place. I get it and if you want to leave a comment I will hold you in prayer for whatever you wish to be prayed for or whatever God impresses upon my heart to pray for you for. * * * * *
6dp5dt//Second Morning Urine
It was very faint- but very much there- so I pulled out a digital-
6dp5dt- SMU
So- it would seem that at this moment in time I am indeed pregnant! I wanted to do something so creative to tell Rob, but instead I bounded down the stairs and basically through it into his hands. We are both cautiously optimistic. Its pretty early. And we still have a ways to go before it official.. But I'm continuing my optimistic route- for this very moment in time I am pregnant.
I started the Estrace doses yesterday 2mg 2 times day. One of the side effects is nausea and vomiting-- and guess who's been nauseous and on the verge of vomiting for the last 24+ hours. I'm not really complaining per say- just wasn't expecting it. At first I thought I had succumbed to the stomach bug that seems to be making rounds, but I thought that was strange since I really haven't seen much of the outside world.
Then the feeling past --and then came back with a vengeance this morning- right after I took my Estrace. I went in for my Estradial level check today and sure enough I am probably dealing with the side effects of the Estrace and my body should adjust to the hormones in time.
Yesterday was interesting- the lab called and told us about our embryos that were frozen. It was the very nice lady who called and she said that two were frozen on transfer day and two more were frozen yesterday.
Wait. What.
The Stick told us there were only 4 left and they were waiting until yesterday to freeze whatever wasn't transferred.
So I repeat- what? What in the what?
She told me that what he meant to say was that 2 were being frozen after transfer and they were going to watch 2 more and see if they would be able to freeze them the next day.
Which they did.
I was going to go bonkers on the phone. After all I was on the verge of throwing up and annoyed with this oversight. But instead I chose to be thankful.
Thankful that there were more --not less. Even if I have no idea how someone can look over something like that.
Thankful that God was watching over our embryos and that we now have 4 frozen plus the 2 that are hopefully nestling in tight.
So thats really all here. Some have asked when I plan to test and like normal- I don't know. I may not test at all and just wait for my Beta or I may just test on a whim if I get a feeling.
I also think that I won't be announcing my Beta right away on the blog no matter what the outcome- I think I will wait the weekend.. but yea that could totally change too.
I'm going to eat some ginger and hope the current wave of nausea passes and fill out some cards and goodies to send to some of my lovies <3
Or 1 day post 5 day transfer.. I can't believe we have made it here- Im so incredibly grateful to be here. Thanks for all the love, texts, emails, phone calls, and messages. It felt so wonderful to feel all of your support and prayers wrapping around Rob and I yesterday. So the lo down- My morning started by emptying my bladder and starting to fill it up slowly during the next two hours with 18-20oz of water. Its about an hour drive to our clinic and once we arrived I felt pretty good- it was the delay in the waiting room that made things increasingly uncomfortable. Someone once described having an overfilled bladder as to being a caged animal. Yes. That is super accurate. We were delayed about an hour and I was feeling uncomfortable-- even cranky maybe? The nurses were truly nice and kept asking how I felt- "I know your bladder is okay, are you alright?" Cue me inside my head saying-- "Uhhh I need to peeeeee!" and "Lets just not talk about it" Instead I nodded gently and kept scrolling Facebook and Blogger trying to find things to distract me from my bladders impending explosion. I would have talked to my husband, but men find these types of things humorous. He would joke about running water and I would have out of body experiences of banging his head on the wall. Finally after about an hour delay they pulled me to the back and had me undress from the bottom down. Rob was cute - he wanted to know where my gown was. Ohh dear- no gown just a little paper square buddy. Then they came in to double check that my bladder was full with an ultrasound by placing pressure on my abdomen to check it out. This seemed insulting. I know my bladder is full - trust me- its full. Alas I know they needed to see for themselves. The nurse said fun things like "beautiful bladder" and "looks just perfect"-- cue more out of body experiences!! Then the ultimate out of body experience occurred- the Embryology Manager came in. It was not the nice lady I met during my ER. The lady I trusted our little embabies lives with. This guy was cold and brash and dare I call him a stick. I know to him they are just some embryos -- but to me and my husband they are not only our hopes and dreams of a future, but possibly hopes and dreams for someone else someday too. So when The Stick said that there were 4 left without warning my heart started racing and I wanted to scream. Two days before all 9 were "thriving and doing well". Don't get me wrong I know that normally 50% of the embryos won't make it- so having 4 left isn't that far fetched- but wow we lost 5 in two days. That was a blow I wasn't expecting and why couldn't he have been a little more easy with giving that kind of news. To us 5 of our futures were lost in two nights without warning. He also said they weren't going to freeze until today and there was a chance that more wouldn't make it. That sealed the deal for transferring two for me by the way. He left the room and I just felt crushed. Why couldn't this guy have been nicer with the news. Didn't he know this was supposed to be the most amazing and blissful moment for us. I took a deep breath- grabbed Robs hand- and said a silent prayer to locate my peace and bliss again. I wasn't going to let this man that just looked at our embabies as things he looks over in a lab-- ruin our moment. Our doctor came in and we signed all of our paper work and then began the transfer process. My trial transfer was a nightmare if you recall- so yes I had a lot of anxiety about how this was going to go. We had 1 5AA embryo and 1 3AA embryo- both looked really good, but no pictures (The Stick said they don't do that its not protocol- BLAH) Things did go better than the trial transfer- though still difficult and I was still deviated to the left -but not as severe. We saw them place the embryo's into my uterus and what I thought would be a beautiful moment where I burst into tears really wasn't. That probably sounds like I wasn't happy- I was truly beyond happy and blessed. I just knew if I started crying like I wanted to my bladder would lose control and we would have a bit of mess.. instead I focussed on remaining control and trying to not let the things that went wrong with the day totally taint the experience. We then laid there for 30 minutes post transfer. They offered me a bed pan- explained repeatedly that I wouldn't pee any of the embryos out-- but I really just wanted to pee sitting up in the bathroom and I figured if I had held it that long I would make it 30 more minutes. And I did. All in all things did not go exactly as I had envisioned-- but isn't that the story of all our lives. I'm still waiting for a phone call to see how many embryos made it to be frozen today. I am praying that its the nice lady from ER and not The Stick. Adi from The Second Bedroom told me that she had heard some women say they were Pregnant Unless Proven Otherwise (PUPO) instead of Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise because it sounded more positive. That's been my theme lately- positivity so here I am PUPO- and I am promising to maintain my positivity throughout the wait. (Hopefully all 40 wks of it :) Hows that for a splash of positivity :) Today is Day 4 of the 90 Day Bible Challenge- Matthew 4:10-12 if you are reading along!
The APN called today to set up our transfer- I was going to give all the particulars, but since some friends and family follow along I will just say its tomorrow. I want to be able to have that time during our transfer to ourselves- just Rob and I and our embabies (and nurses and doctors and techs…) but to not have to field questions until we are good and ready. To not feel like I have to update everyone until I am good and ready to. A lot gets taken away during IF. So I plan to treat our transfer just like the special private (as private as I can make it) moment it can be. The plan- empty my bladder about an hour before we are to arrive and then start to drink my 20oz of water to fill up my bladder. No Crinonine either until after the transfer. Wednesday I will start the Estrace twice daily- once in the morning and once at night. The Crinonine and Estrace will be continued until 10 wks into the pregnancy. Tuesday and Wednesday -and this is a direct quote -" I am to have no responsibilities and to remain laying down or seated whenever possible." No sexual intercourse ,lifting, jogging, horseback riding (hah!), aerobics, bicycling, vacuuming or floor scrubbing (well okay then!), swimming or use of hot tubs. I'm to treat my body as if its pregnant- until proven otherwise- PUPO as the IF Community likes to call it. Some of my very dear friends sent me a ray of sunshine today- Thank you Alexis, Holly, Kelly and Nicole <3 from the bottom of my heart! You guys made me feel so very loved!
How truly beautiful!
There was no update on the embryos today- but I'm choosing to think that all 9 are still thriving otherwise they would have said something. If you are following along in the 90 Day Bible Challenge today was Matthew 4-6 (which I read at 2:30 in the morning- all the way through the entire chapter of Matthew, thank you insomnia!) Tomorrow is Matthew 7-9. I want to share Matthew 5:11-12 from the Easy to Read Version. You see during the wee hours in the morning when I can't sleep I read this version so I can fully understand what I am reading. If you have ever tried to read the Bible before and had difficulty getting through the language and text I highly recommend the ERV version. 11“People will insult you and hurt you. They will lie and say all kinds of evil things about you because you follow me. But when they do that, know that great blessings belong to you. 12Be happy about it. Be very glad because you have a great reward waiting for you in heaven. People did these same bad things to the prophets who lived before you.
So on the eve of a big day for us as a family- and creating a family- we Walk by Faith that its all in God's hands from this point out. That we did everything we could and we can trust that He will comfort us no matter what.
Thank you so much for the continued prayers and love! Tomorrow is a big day for us and we are so very excited!
Last night Rob and I had a lovely date night. We went off to Church to listen to a beautiful sermon- but more than that our wonderful friend and her daughter sang last night. There is no doubt that they a so truly blessed. When they sing together I can't help but to fill with emotion. Normally I sing along at Church-- but I never want to miss the sound of their voices so I stay silent when they are up there and just drink them in as they worship together. I can only hope to raise children as our dear friend Kim as raised her daughter and son. To watch them stand and worship and sing together- its beautiful and its so very rare. It was the perfect way for us to pray over our 9 little embryo's. We went to dinner afterwards at a restaurant in Margate called Steven & Cookies- its right on the bay. If you live near South Jersey or ever come to visit- its a beautiful place with fresh food and a wonderful bartender if I do say so. You see my Uncle Bruce has been a bartender there for 17 years- so we sat at the bar and had a wonderful meal and chatted with my Uncle. It truly was a lovely date night out. This morning I received another wonderful update from the embryologist that all 9 of our embryos are still growing and dividing normally. I feel like we are just so blessed. I know how lucky we are -- I have seen a lot of pain in the blogosphere lately and it further cements that we want to donate any of the left over embryo's so women who want to be mothers more than anything in the world can do so through the miracle of embryo adoption. I wish I could send some of my embryo's off to some of you in this moment. I know that they won't be children of your own DNA-- but I do know that they will be YOUR children and loved and cherished more that I could ever imagine. I am going to make EA a platform of mine through this journey and spread the word as far as I can about the miracle that it truly is. Our transfer date has been set for Tuesday - which will be day 5. We don't have a time just yet. They said they would call tomorrow with my instructions and time of transfer. We are so excited to have made it this far. A lot of people have asked us how many we plan to transfer- the true answer is - We just don't truly know yet. Its so hard to say 1 or 2 . I think when we are there and we have to answer that the answer will come to us. I thank so many for you for your stories and input and advise on the matter- please know that I have taken them all to heart, but I just can't reveal our choice yet, because I just don't know for sure. Our Church is doing a B90X Challenge- you can take part of all 3 parts of the challenge or just a single part-- or 2 parts of it.. its up to you. The 3 Challenges- 90 Day Bible Reading Challenge- We'll be reading through the entire New Testament in 90 days 90 Day Serve Challenge- Commit to serving 90 days at the Church 90 Day Tithe Challenge- Commit to give your tithe (10%) for 90 days I am doing the 90 Day Bible Reading Challenge. I am going to be sharing some verses as I read through the challenge. Day 1- Matthew 1-3, I chose a few verses from each chapter that either touched my heart or that I felt compelled to share with you. Matthew 1:20-21
20But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost.
21And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name JESUS: for he shall save his people from their sins.
Can you imagine a dream like the one Joseph had? That your wife is carrying the Holy Ghost. What the name of your son is? And even more so what he will do with his life- I have had dreams where I feel like Jesus is sending me a message, but never have I had a dream like Joseph's.
Matthew 2:13-16
13And when they were departed, behold, the angel of the Lord appeareth to Joseph in a dream, saying, Arise, and take the young child and his mother, and flee into Egypt, and be thou there until I bring thee word: for Herod will seek the young child to destroy him.
14When he arose, he took the young child and his mother by night, and departed into Egypt:
15And was there until the death of Herod: that it might be fulfilled which was spoken of the Lord by the prophet, saying, Out of Egypt have I called my son.
16Then Herod, when he saw that he was mocked of the wise men, was exceeding wroth, and sent forth, and slew all the children that were in Bethlehem, and in all the coasts thereof, from two years old and under, according to the time which he had diligently enquired of the wise men.
This verse once again shows Joseph dreaming and listening. I hope that anytime I feel like Jesus is speaking to me in a dream I can be as obedient and trusting as Joseph. If Joseph wouldn't have listened then Herod would have came and killed Jesus in Bethlehem. This verse truly speaks to me- that I should listen when Jesus speaks to me and follow what he is saying.
Matthew 3:16-17
13Then cometh Jesus from Galilee to Jordan unto John, to be baptized of him.
14But John forbad him, saying, I have need to be baptized of thee, and comest thou to me?
15And Jesus answering said unto him, Suffer it to be so now: for thus it becometh us to fulfil all righteousness. Then he suffered him.
16And Jesus, when he was baptized, went up straightway out of the water: and, lo, the heavens were opened unto him, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove, and lighting upon him:
17And lo a voice from heaven, saying, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.
I just loved this verse. Especially how Matthew describes the Spirit of God descending like a dove and light upon him. "This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased."
If reading through the New Testament with me isn't your thing I understand, but if you want to take part feel free to journal along and share what touched you in the verses. Todays Chapters were Matthew 1-3- Tomorrow is Matthew 4-6.
Don't worry I will still be blogging about of journey as well, but part of the challenge is sharing it and journaling it and seeing what God does in our lives as we move through the challenge. I hope you read along with me and please feel free to share what you take away as we read together and how God is changing or working in your life during the 90 days.
I just hung up the phone with the embryologist- ALL 9 are dividing and growing normally!! I truly was bracing myself to hear that a few weren't going to make it through the night, so I am just over the moon that we still have all 9 with us now! Tomorrow would be the earliest transfer day and they told me they are looking good so we will be waiting. We should know more tomorrow! I feel pretty good- yesterday I was very fatigued and a bit sore. Today I only feel a little pressure in the lower abdomen and the fatigue has eased some. I wouldn't go climbing mountains or trekking all over the place today, but I am ready to get some fresh air. I started the Crinonine and Medrol pack today. Crinonine is a form of progesterone and its like a gooey gel. So far I think its going to be messy, but that's why they invented panty liners. Tonight Rob and I are going to have a dinner date. We just haven't decided if our dinner date will be out of the house or in the house. So yay for our 9<3 I also received some lovely gifts in the mail- Elisha from Waiting For Baby Bird sent me a note pad and a beautiful scriptures- Ecclesiastes 3:11 kiv - "He hat made every thing beautiful in His time." Numbers 23:19 - "God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?" Thank you so much for thinking of me Elisha! Stand by your mail box my dear- I have something on the way to you as well <3
"We live by faith, not by sight." II Corinthians 5:7
I also ordered something from Etsy - from Soul Cyster Creations- I ordered some extras to send out to a few of you women as well and one for me to wear.
Right now I am holding it extra close to my heart as I wait for continued news on my 9 little ones <3 <3
Yesterday went so very well- they were able to retrieve 14 follicles. Out of the 14 - 12 were mature. Our 12 were split 5 and 7- 5 were ICSI'ed- and out of the 5 -4 fertilized normally. 7 were left to fertilize on their own- 5 fertilized normally. That means we have 9 embryo's this morning!! 9 little ones that are thriving as of today :) <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
I feel pretty good today. My abdomen is sore, but not awful. The bloating is going away- I've been drinking plenty of Gatorade and Water (I mix them 1/2 and 1/2 I don't like the taste of 100% Gatorade). Yesterday went so smoothly- we arrived at 10:30 and signed in. They took me right back and I changed into a gown in a small room. They provided me with a fleece blanket which I got to keep and take home with me. Then the anesthesiologist came in and started my line. They escorted me to the bathroom to empty my bladder completely and then the embryologist came in. She told us that she would be handling our embryo's and was available at anytime. She was super sweet and I was so glad she came in to meet us beforehand. Then the doctor came in and went over the plan. Then they escorted me to the surgery room where I was assisted into the stirrups and then given the medication to go to sleep. I remember telling the anesthesiologist that I wish I could have a hit of that medication every night so I could sleep soundly. Then the next thing I knew I was in a recovery room and Rob was there with me. The first thing I remember him saying was that I have morning breath. How sweet LOL. Then I asked how many they retrieved and he told me I must still be out of it because I had already had a conversation with the doctors and nurses a few times about it. Then he told me 14 and that the doctor said that was the best for the day so far. A nurse came in to check my vitals and gave me another blanket because I was freezing. They gave me Zofran to help ease the nausea and then apple juice and crackers. Then I had to void my bladder and the doctor came in again to let me know that they would call me today with the fertilization rate. The ride home was a bit iffy- we live about an hour away and during the ride I felt very nauseous and dizzy so I just laid back. When I got home I went upstairs and cuddled into bed for a few hour nap. My best friend brought us dinner and my God son made me cookies with Mickey Mouse on them because he knows how much I love Mickey <3 ((Sooooo stinking sweet)) I was given more Zofran and Percocet for the pain. I took one last night before bed and woke up this morning feeling pretty good. Right now I just have some mild pain and I feel pretty tired. I think its a wonderful day to nap and do nothing. Tomorrow I will start the Crinonine and Medrol pack. Thank you all for your prayers and for checking in on me <3 I can't wait to hear how our 9 make out through the night! For now I'm off to nap-- because that's what my body is saying it needs right now and I'm going to listen to it <3
Happy ICLW! It's International Commenting Week so welcome to anyone who has never visited before. No lurking allowed this week be sure to stop on in and leave a comment and the address for your blog- I'll be sure to stop by and visit too!
Rob and I are in the midst of our first (and fingers crossed only) IVF cycle after 6 failed IUI's and over three years of TTC. Tomorrow is our egg retreival day and we are filled with so much hope for the things that are yet to come.
That doesn't mean we haven't had our times of despair and sorrow. I surely have cried enough tears during this journey- but for right now we are doing our very best to surround ourselves with positive thoughts.
I wanted to share this video on Egg Retrieval. It's helped ease some of my fears about tomorrow.
I should mention this is not my clinic- just a video I found online, but they do a wonderful job of explaining the procedure in a short amount of time without too much medical jargon to cloud the point.
Basically we will arrive at 10:30 am and they will prep me for anesthesia. I was told to wear my warmest socks (which I bought a week or so ago-- those big shea socks with all the fuzzy stuff on the inside) and comfy clothing. I was advised not to wear any jewerly, no make up, no hairspray or perfume, and no nail polish.
They advised me that the procedure itself shouldn't take much more than 30 mins to 60 mins depending on how many follicles are there and there accecibility. Afterwards I can expect to be there another 30 mins to 60 mins depending on how I recover from the anesthesia.
If the past is an indicator I should pack a bucket, because almost ever instance where I have gone under I wake up and then puke a short while after. Rob has taken off all of tomorrow since he will need to be there not only to drive me there, but to contribute his part in this as well. He also took off on Friday so that I can take it easy for the day.
For today I plan to hydrate properly and eat a later then normal dinner since I will under go anesthesia tomorrow morning and can not eat after midnight tonight. I think I am going to be so excited I won't even notice that I missed my morning coffee.
I hope to update you all tomorrow once I am feeling up to it about how many eggs were retreived, but if not I surely will update you all by Friday.
On Friday the embryologist should call and update with the number of embryo's and hopefully schedule our transfer day. My clinic does 3-5 day transfers- so Sunday, Monday, or Tuesday could all be possible transfer dates.
My only plan for the weekend is to head to Church either Saturday night or Sunday depending on what our transfer day will be and continue to thank God for all that he has provided during this journey.
Thank you all for your well wishes and prayers- I truly feel blessed to have such an amazing support system to lean on during this journey.
I truly can not wait for my next update to you all!
Everything went great today- I have 10 follicles that should be mature enough to have eggs once retrieved, with the chance of a few more catching up also being possible. That was our goal- so I feel very good. I feel like my body pulled through.
Tonight I will do a double trigger shot of Ovidrel and 450 IU of Gonal-F for the last push to mature the eggs at 10:30 pm. I will also start a Z-pack today. Menopur and Ganirelex are discontinued at this point.
At midnight tomorrow night I will be NPO (nothing by mouth..) and then Thursday we should arrive at the IVF clinic at 10:30 to prep me for retrieval. Tomorrow I will explain more about the actual retrieval process.
Today I'm feeling all kinds of emotions all at once- peace, excitement, nervousness, happy.. I'm just so very ready :)
We are suppose to get hit with a snow storm today into tonight- 8-12 inches planned to fall. I already hit the grocery store after my appointment today and grabbed some goodies to get us through not only the storm but the weekend so I can relax as long as need be and not have to worry about it.
I feel like we are all set and ready and things are coming together perfectly.I really can't wait till we get to hear about how our embryo's are growing. Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts during this entire process. I still feel pretty good physically and my only complaint is the overwhelming fatigue. However I will take the fatigue ten times over if it means a healthy baby at the end of all of this.
Yesterday the women of my church met and at the end we all prayed for different things in one an-others lives. As my good friend prayed over me and my body and the journey that we have been on the tears started to fall from my eyes and I couldn't hold in the sadness. It felt so good to release anything I had been holding in.
There was more there though than sadness. Listening to my friend pray this beautiful prayer over me helped bring me even more peace-- and even though I was outwardly crying inwardly I could feel the love wrapping around me.
To hear someone who has watched you on your journey pray for you and speak over you from their point of view is a beautiful thing. I think often times we are our own worst critics. We see our very worst moments on the highlight reels-- but other's don't see that in us. To hear a different highlight reel-- to hear her pray over me and to have these women hold onto me tightly as I cried-- it was a perfect moment.
My friend said this- "What happens when we cry to our Daddy's? We normally get what we need to make us feel better. Crying to our Father in Heaven surely means he will help to heal those tears. He hears you. He is going to give you comfort."
I know that God doesn't always answer prayers exactly how we see fit. Typically God answers prayers by opening other doors or presenting things to us in a different light.
I can't help but think that he has been answering my prayers while building my faith during this journey-- just not the way I thought he would. I thought we would have a baby by now- that's what I prayed for after all, but instead we have developed friend ships and relationships that would have never came to us if we hadn't been on this journey.
Our baby has been prayed over time and time and time again. Our baby is already loved by so many people and so incredibly blessed. And our baby is not even here on this earth yet. That is a beautiful thing.
During this journey our faith has been tested and instead of turning away we have set off to make our faith stronger. My goal for this year isn't to become a mother- its to continue to become a stronger Christian. To become a strong Christian Wife. And then ultimately become a strong Christian Mother.
If it wasn't for this journey I'm not sure if those would have been my goals. This journey has given me so much hope. So much love. So many friendships. And while there were certainly moments where I cried out why. Now I understand the answers to that. If he would have answered all those prayers -- if IUI 1 would have worked or we were able to conceive on our own-- we wouldn't have been on this journey. We wouldn't be here.
I wouldn't have met all of you.
It wouldn't be this baby, because I truly feel like our baby is here this time.
And if this isn't the answer yet-- God will show me why and when. If he has something else planned someday I will understand.
For now- I stay in a place of total peace and understanding. For now I pray for the doctors and nurses who preform my surgery to have steady hands and retrieve my follicles without too much effort. I pray that our embryos grow healthy and strong and that the embryologist watches over them all just as their Mother would. I pray that God watches over Rob and I during this all and keeps us wrapped safely in his arms.
I'll leave you with a line to a Garth Brooks song--
"Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers!"
