Friday, June 14, 2013

Splashing in the Puddles..

Today was a rough day. 

Not because Facebook had another run on pregnancy announcements. 

Or because Clomid was turning me into a 12 year old hormonal girl again. 

Today we laid a wonderful man to rest. A mentor, friend, father, husband, teacher- someone who I can honest to God say- made me a better EMT, Dispatcher and overall person. He was in so much pain battling cancer the last few years of his life- at least now we can rest easier knowing that he is at peace and without pain. Im sure he's drinking a coffee up there looking down on us. 

He would for sure tell us to quit crying and start laughing. 

This evening I walked in the Relay for Life- many of my wonderful friends from my online communities as well as my friends and family near and far donated towards this event. 

It held a special place after laying Jim Cline to rest today. 

But it also opened my eyes-

You see a mother who lost her child to pediatric cancer told me this evening that one of our friends sons- who was splashing in the puddles and currently being reprimanded- reminded her of a web page she once read. 

She continued on to explain that a mother who also lost her son to pediatric cancer wrote about her wish for all kids to be able to enjoy something as simple as splashing in the puddles. 

It really made me think- something that many of the parents were yelling at their kids for doing at this very moment- these mothers want nothing more than to see their kids do over and over again. 

Mind you in no way am I even remotely attempting to relate losing a child to pediatric cancer to infertility struggles. 

But much in the way this mother wishes for nothing more than to see her child splash in the puddles- 

I do too. 

It really made me think that someday when my children are splashing in the puddles. When they are muddy and soaking wet- when they won't listen - I know that I will be taken back to that very moment-

When this mother stood and chose to speak to me. 

When she blessed me with this story and this lesson on the little things. 

When she opened my eyes and my heart a bit more. 

When she shared a beautiful reminder with me. 

And you know what I plan on doing? 

Splashing with them. 

Tonight all of my energy goes towards some special prayers for those who I walked with and for at the Relay for Life Event. May we walk to find a cure! 

Pete Hagerty who was co-team captain with me and is a cancer survivor and I pray continues to be one for a very long time!

Jim Cline Sr (paramedic NJ 0043)- who taught me the little things in life- like dreaming big and making a good cup of coffee. 

Maureen Gehringer- my grandmother, my angel, my guardian. I miss you will all my heart. I know you are watching over us always. 

Mary Sweeney- my other grandmother who battled cancer for many years and who is finally at peace watching over us all.

Melissa Fest- my Aunt who I pray overcomes the road ahead of her and beats the odds in her battle. 

Christian Clopp- who inspired us all and who's mother is the one who reminded me to splash in the puddles. 

Yes today was a rough day indeed. I think I would refer to it as awful and beautiful. 

It was beautiful to see so many say their farewells to a wonderful man and friend. 

But awful to see him go. 

And it was also beautiful to see so many survivors walking, so many caregivers, so many supporters, donators, friends and family at the Relay for Life. 

But awful to know that some are not there with us. 

It was beautiful for that mother to share her story with me. 

But awful that she has to have that story to even share. 

Yes it was an awful and beautiful day... and I am better for every second of it. 


  1. I am sorry for your loss. What a wonderfully uplifting post it inspired you to write. I agree, infertility isn't the same as losing a child but infertility does carry it's own grief and loss. Just like you so rightly say, there is such a desperate desire to see and experience your child.

  2. Infertility definitely does carry grief and an almost unspoken loss every month. This struggle sucks and as awful as it is I hope to think its not for nothing and we will be better-more appreciative parents for if!