Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Hold Please

I have had this terrible habit for the last six months or so.

It is so time to kick it.

I keep putting things on hold. My excuse is always the same- "Well I will be pregnant by then.."

The more months that pass I realize that I'm not pregnant and I might not be pregnant "by then". The more events and activities I'm being left out of because I have chosen to sit the side lines instead.

Whatever "by then" is at this point is completely unknown.
I made an important choice to sign up for the Richmond 8k in November. I am taking a weekend trip with some very special women and I wasn't going to sign up to run as well because "by then" I may be pregnant.
Well what if I’m not? What then?

8k Ahead!

I will be sitting on the side lines not running or enjoying the weekend because I will likely be sulking over the fact that "by then" I'm not pregnant.

No I won’t keep doing this to myself.
It stops now.
I'm not giving up hope by any means. I may be pregnant by then and I may be "throwing" away a registration fee. If so then so be it. But I am not going to keep putting my life off or on hold because I may be pregnant.

I need to continue to live and be happy and grow as a person with or without a child. I will continue to fight for a baby and I will continue to hope and pray that "by then" comes sooner rather than later, but I can't stand the thought that most of my focus for the last six months was on getting pregnant and that not coming to fruition.
Placing life on hold waiting for the what ifs and maybes is just not working.
So no more. Time for some change and time to start training for my 8k!!


  1. Kasey, I totally hear you on this. There is so much that I've put off thinking "Oh, I'll probably be pregnant by then" Well, here I am still with no baby. One thing I've been slacking on is getting back on track with healthy eating and exercising. I gained about 15 pounds (gross, right??) after the last miscarriage, and it needs to come off. I kept thinking "well, I'm just gonna get pregnant and gain weight anyway, why lose it now" but I feel horrible, and would like to start a pregnancy a little healthier.

    I think it's great that you signed up for the 8k. At least if you do have to miss it, it'll be for a good reason. And if you end up running it, it's giving you something to focus on now anyway.

    I hope this cycle is going well for you, and I hope you can't run that 8k in November :)


  2. Kristine I have been doing the same thing. I was doing good and only 10lbs over where I was this time last year- then Rob was suddenly out of work and I found myself working 60+ hour work weeks- and naturally my food choices and activity were the first things to go to the wayside. It's so hard when your a stress eater too.

    Tomorrow I go for my day 12 scan- hopefully things will be good for a IUI on Monday:)

  3. This is such a curse. Three years ago I didn't go skiing because I might be pregnant. Two years ago I stayed in a job I hated for six months longer that I should because I might be pregnant.

    Go for that run and enjoy. If you do get pregnant, which I am sure you will, think how great it will be to either cancel because of your baby bump or to run the race with the baby on board.