Wednesday, January 29, 2014

1DP5DT

Or 1 day post 5 day transfer.. 

I can't believe we have made it here- Im so incredibly grateful to be here. Thanks for all the love, texts, emails, phone calls, and messages. It felt so wonderful to feel all of your support and prayers wrapping around Rob and I yesterday. 

So the lo down- 

My morning started by emptying my bladder and starting to fill it up slowly during the next two hours with 18-20oz of water. Its about an hour drive to our clinic and once we arrived I felt pretty good- it was the delay in the waiting room that made things increasingly uncomfortable. Someone once described having an overfilled bladder as to being a caged animal. Yes. That is super accurate. 

We were delayed about an hour and I was feeling uncomfortable-- even cranky maybe? The nurses were truly nice and kept asking how I felt- "I know your bladder is okay, are you alright?" 

Cue me inside my head saying-- "Uhhh I need to peeeeee!" and "Lets just not talk about it" 

Instead I nodded gently and kept scrolling Facebook and Blogger trying to find things to distract me from my bladders impending explosion. I would have talked to my husband, but men find these types of things humorous. He would joke about running water and I would have out of body experiences of banging his head on the wall. 

Finally after about an hour delay they pulled me to the back and had me undress from the bottom down. Rob was cute - he wanted to know where my gown was. Ohh dear- no gown just a little paper square buddy. 

Then they came in to double check that my bladder was full with an ultrasound by placing pressure on my abdomen to check it out. This seemed insulting. I know my bladder is full - trust me- its full. Alas I know they needed to see for themselves. 

The nurse said fun things like "beautiful bladder" and "looks just perfect"-- cue more out of body experiences!! 

Then the ultimate out of body experience occurred- the Embryology Manager came in. It was not the nice lady I met during my ER. The lady I trusted our little embabies lives with. This guy was cold and brash and dare I call him a stick. 

I know to him they are just some embryos -- but to me and my husband they are not only our hopes and dreams of a future, but possibly hopes and dreams for someone else someday too. So when The Stick said that there were 4 left without warning my heart started racing and I wanted to scream. 

Two days before all 9 were "thriving and doing well". Don't get me wrong I know that normally 50% of the embryos won't make it- so having 4 left isn't that far fetched- but wow we lost 5 in two days. That was a blow I wasn't expecting and why couldn't he have been a little more easy with giving that kind of news. To us 5 of our futures were lost in two nights without warning. He also said they weren't going to freeze until today and there was a chance that more wouldn't make it. 

That sealed the deal for transferring two for me by the way. He left the room and I just felt crushed. Why couldn't this guy have been nicer with the news. Didn't he know this was supposed to be the most amazing and blissful moment for us. 

I took a deep breath- grabbed Robs hand- and said a silent prayer to locate my peace and bliss again. I wasn't going to let this man that just looked at our embabies as things he looks over in a lab-- ruin our moment. 

Our doctor came in and we signed all of our paper work and then began the transfer process. My trial transfer was a nightmare if you recall- so yes I had a lot of anxiety about how this was going to go. We had 1 5AA embryo and 1 3AA embryo- both looked really good, but no pictures (The Stick said they don't do that its not protocol- BLAH) 

Things did go better than the trial transfer- though still difficult and I was still deviated to the left -but not as severe. We saw them place the embryo's into my uterus and what I thought would be a beautiful moment where I burst into tears really wasn't. 

That probably sounds like I wasn't happy- I was truly beyond happy and blessed. I just knew if I started crying like I wanted to my bladder would lose control and we would have a bit of mess.. instead I focussed on remaining control and trying to not let the things that went wrong with the day totally taint the experience. 

We then laid there for 30 minutes post transfer. They offered me a bed pan- explained repeatedly that I wouldn't pee any of the embryos out-- but I really just wanted to pee sitting up in the bathroom and I figured if I had held it that long I would make it 30 more minutes. And I did. 

All in all things did not go exactly as I had envisioned-- but isn't that the story of all our lives. I'm still waiting for a phone call to see how many embryos made it to be frozen today. I am praying that its the nice lady from ER and not The Stick. 

Adi from The Second Bedroom told me that she had heard some women say they were Pregnant Unless Proven Otherwise (PUPO) instead of Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise because it sounded more positive. 

That's been my theme lately- positivity so here I am PUPO- and I am promising to maintain my positivity throughout the wait. (Hopefully all 40 wks of it :) 

Hows that for a splash of positivity :) 

Today is Day 4 of the 90 Day Bible Challenge- Matthew 4:10-12  if you are reading along! 


38 comments:

  1. Yay, are you glad it's over with? Now just the waiting game! I'm praying for sticky babies! And that you never have to deal with The Stick again....I've had that experience and I think if you work in IF, it should be a requirement to be kind and gentle.

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    1. That's the word I was looking for- gentle!! He was sooo not gentle! I'm so glad that it's done and today I'm just relaxing and focussing on happiness :)

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  2. Ughhh! What a jerk! I'm sure that was really difficult news! I have no idea why they wouldn't discuss that type of news in an office (with clothes on) rather than on the table half naked. I'm sure you're very upset about the loss... I certainly would be. But it sounds like the two they transferred are great quality! Hoping that at least one of those two will be your bring home baby! Thinking of you!

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    1. I felt the same way and with an empty bladder as well lol I'm trying to push all of it aside and just create a happy little home for my little embabies :)

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  3. I'm so sorry the embryologist was so insensitive to you. On top of having a full bladder, I probably would have punched him. So kudos to you for being so restrained. Thinking about you and sending you lots of good vibes and prayers that one if not both of these little embryos will be in your arms in about 9 months!! xo

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    1. I was definitely thinking about a punch. He deserved that. Thank you :)

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  4. I'm totally on board with punching The Stick in the face! Ugh. But the main thing is that you transferred two great embies who are getting all warm and cozy inside right now. I'm sending sticky sticky prayers your way! And I'll also be praying that your other two embies hang tight and become little frosties! I love the Pregnant Unless Proven Otherwise! Keep that positive attitude and just focus on taking care of YOU in the upcoming days. Blessings sweet girl!

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    1. Thank you! You are so right and I am so focused on them sticking :)

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  5. Wow, I was so excited reading this post until you wrote about the stick! How insensitive of him...does he not know how delicate of a situation this is for everyone involved? I'm so glad you stayed positive and didn't let him ruin this amazing experience with your embabies (which I love the sounds of a lot more than embryos...because they are your babies!). I'm praying that those two babies find a good comfy place to stick for the next 40 weeks!!

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  6. What an ass! Don't let him steal your joy! Ass..

    I am praying that your embryos will be snuggling in soon. You lining is amazing, and they were both AA which is awesome!

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    1. Thanks :) my lining was really good and if they are meant to stick around they surely will :)

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  7. Your story is sweet, and funny, and sad. I'm sorry that embryologist was a jerk. I would have been really upset too if that's how I was told that I had gone from 9 embryos to 4 embryos. But I'm so glad you located your peace in all of that. And I think it's hard to feel just pure excitement and joy when you have to pee so badly! So even though you didn't feel exactly as you expected, I think it will be a special moment you'll always remember. Sending you lots and lots of positive vibes that the next 9 days go fast and easy. You're PUPO!

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    1. It definitely was special- just a different kind of special. And yay I'm PUPO :)

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  8. I can't believe you had a full bladder for that long! I had to have a full bladder for an US a long time ago at the beginning of our IF journey and it was the WORST feeling in the world! I was panicked in the waiting room and on the verge of tears.
    Sorry to hear you are down to 4 embies...you would think these Dr.s would have the utmost tact doing what they do! I've heard so many stories of rude, insensitive encounters. Sounds like you handled it well though! Rest up lady!

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    1. Ugh having a full bladder on purpose is a nightmare. While I wish things went a tad smoother I am glad that I have two super great embabies cuddling in there :)

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  9. I've been following your story for a few weeks now. I'm a few weeks behind - I start my stims tomorrow so I've been enjoying reading about someone going through it right before I do.

    I am so sorry to read about what a jerk that guy was! There's no reason not to show some compassion, especially in that type of environment where you KNOW you're working with fragile couples. For what it's worth, my first doctor told me during the hysto that my "cervix was being a pain in the ass". I almost kicked him and promptly switched practices.

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    1. Wishing you the best on your journey!! Hope I helped by sharing :) and way to switch practices - some people shouldn't be doctors!

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  10. I'm so sorry for your loss, but I am beyond hopeful for your remaining embabies, especially those two currently building their homes! And I'm glad I've helped bring some extra positivity into your life, as you always do mine :)

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  11. Some people can be so calloused! I am so sorry Kasey! I am praying for you right now and the two embryos inside you. I know God is going to work his will in your beautiful story! Love you girl!!

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    1. Thank you Charity!! Praying for you guys too!!

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  12. So sorry about that doctor, but glad you were able to press through! PUPO!! Praying for a positive test!! Believing girl!!

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  13. This reminds me of how I felt during my fresh transfer AND my FET. I had 5 out of 10 embies survive and then on my second frozen transfer, only one (Cooper) of my last three survived the thaw. I was so disappointed and sad about it. So I completely know how you feel about the loss of your possible futures. But, you still have your 4, so that is something.
    It is really something to be PUPO isn't it? It was a super positive feeling. Enjoy it.
    MissC

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    1. It's such a crazy feeling to be PUPO :)

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  14. My FET was today! The full bladder feeling is definitely the worst part of the transfer! I am praying for you! I hope we both have twins in less than 9 months! :)

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    1. Full bladders stink! Wishing you the very best!

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  15. I am so happy to hear everything went well! The full bladder is the worst! The Stick sounds like a jerk- I was upset when I was reading it... Couldn't they have better timing in telling you that? Love your positivity!! Looking forward to getting more good news from you :)

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    1. I thought they could have had told me when my bladder was empty and my pants were on lol. Hoping to be able to continue to share good news :)

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  16. Oh man, what an ass. I am a big believer in writing letters to tell medical professionals like that how they made us feel. And what they could have done better. Who knows, maybe it will help someone else. Wishing you the best if luck! Are you testing before your beta?

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    1. Thats a good idea. I think I will wait until Im done with the practice for the most part. I don't want any issues or maybe Ill write an anonymous letter. I don't know when I am going to test or if I well honestly.

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  17. Good luck and here's to sticky little babies... maybe the doctor being a stick will help those little babies nestle in deep!!

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