The Good and The Bad.

I have so much going on in my head that I need to spill forth so if this is everywhere all at once I apologize for the roller coaster. 

Lets start with the good-

I have my follicle scan yesterday. There are still 12 follicles growing, and there may be more that they cant see because my left ovary is in a difficult spot to view behind my uterus. They are still growing small most right around 12 mm right now, but they are growing together and that is a good thing. 

My lining is also at 9mm which is really good and by the time we get to transfer it should certainly be into the double digits which is an amazing lining to place a little embryo snugly into.

I still don't have a retrieval date. I go for another scan on Monday and they said we should be able to set up a retrieval day at that point. My doctor yesterday thinks Wednesday or Thursday. Either way I am so ready. I'm continuing with 225 Gonal-F, 225 Menopur, and Ganirelex along with .25 Dexemethesone. 

My best friend was able to come with me to my appointment and we did some shopping afterwards and share a lovely lunch. I bought a new outfit, which essentially is sweat pants and thermal shirts. My idea was to be warm and comfy for my retrieval. While in line a woman who was obviously pregnant was behind us. I took that as a good sign instead of viewing it as something bad. While checking out the cashier also commented that the clothes were super soft- which was key in my choosing them so I think that was also a win. 

Crush from Finding Nemo! He's so cool :)

I also went to Vikki Secret and bought new under wear. I found undies with turtles on them. Many of you, I am sure, are familiar with turtles as a sign of fertility. I also have a certain affinity for turtles. I thought it was awesome when the cashier commented on my turtle under wear. I just took all the little things as signs that things are going just how they are supposed to! 

Squirt from Finding Nemo! I hope to be growing my own little squirt soon:)

So that was the good. Everything with our IVF is moving forward- albeit slowly- but continuing in forward motion. Thank you for all of your continued support and prayers for our cycle. I feel like this is it- I feel positive and happy. I feel like we are in the right place for us right now. Other than the fatigue and bloat I do not feel bad at all. Things are going so well. 

Now for the bad- A long time coworker and a true friend was found dead at the age of 42 yesterday morning. Kevin J. Seybold was a paramedic for NJ -Medic 2335 and a Fire Fighter for the City of Camden. Kevin was more than that though- Kevin was a father to his beautiful, young daughter Taylor. Kevin was a God Father, Brother, Cousin, Uncle.... Kevin devoted his life selflessly towards others. Long after Kevin left working at the same company as I do he kept up with my life. He would always check in on me, make sure I was healthy, happy, and well. 

RIP Kevin J Seybold

My heart truly broke with the news yesterday. He's so young. He had so much more to give. Apparently Kev hadn't been feeling well for a few days and yesterday he didn't show up for work- which is not like him- so they sent a friend and coworker to his home where they found him dead at home. 

I know that he isn't in pain any longer. I know that he is looking down on all of us and willing us to stop our crying. I know that Kevin saved lives during his time here on earth and I know that Kevin will continue to inspire us long after he is gone. 

Kevin - I hope you can see how many people you have impacted. I hope you know that your spirit and your ability to always make us laugh will live on in all of us. 

God needed another Fire Fighter 

So its been a difficult weekend. I've had wonderful moments this weekend, but they are so clouded with my grief. This is the the fourth coworker in less than a year that we have had a lay to rest. Its a sad remember than as we all quest for life-- death continues on as well. Our lives are not guaranteed here on this earth. Its so important to cherish what we have-- you just do not know what tomorrow will bring.

Follie Update # 2

Todays Update- things are still status quo. 

Still 12 little follies- still all right about 10mm. Still no real growth there. 

Thankfully my uterine lining is at 8mm T/L, which is pretty wonderful. 

My Menopur has been upped to 225 IU with 225 IU Gonal-F and I will start the Ganirelix tonight. 

The Menopur being upped should help pump those follies up into overdrive and get them growing. Also the last time I took 225 IU Menopur my lining responding amazing going into double digits. 

The Ganirelix will help to keep my body from ovulating since we need these little follies to get bigger. 

I return on Saturday for another check. 

If you could pray for some growth and/or do the follie growth dance that would be lovely :) 

I know they can grow. I've been down this road before where I was just slow to respond. I know they will grow, they just need a little bit of time. 

My best friend is trying to get off Saturday since Rob will be in a class all day. We're going to try to make a day of it since I have to go to the farther away office. I plan on stopping at the stores up there and finding a retrieval and transfer outfit. I want something with give in the waist since that seems to be ever expanding and something bright and cheerful to help keep my mood up. 

With continued side effects the fatigue has really set in. After a few errands I am completely wiped out. I'm so thankful I am only working 36 hours a week right now, because I have no doubt I would be drooling on myself if I had to work anything more.

Finally- On my way home Natalie Grant's - Hurricane was playing and I couldn't help but compare IVF to a hurricane. You feel like you are just blowing about in the wind… 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttKnLwwHlig

My Follicles are JUST Like a Fine Wine.

I started my day by reading Text From Dog.

If you are not familiar- please take a moment and read them all. THEM ALL.

(source)

Here. Here is a tissue cause I know you are laughing and there are tears coming from your eyes. Happy happy happy tears. Cause that Dog is a funny guy.

He set my mood for the day. Who doesn’t like to start their day with belly laughs? Especially prior to going to a RE appointment. Especially caused by some fictional dog and his owner?

After reading Text From Dog I headed in for my u/s and blood work appt today and I have decided that my follicles are very comparable to fine wine.

-Francis Coppola’s Reserve Pinot Noir – if your buying/wondering :)

　

Fine wine takes a longer time to come to be. Many people like to skip the lengthy process of making fine wines instead making cheapy knock offs. The reason really is profitability. The shorter amount of time to make a product the quicker the turn over. More money. Who doesn’t want more profit.

Who doesn’t want bigger, more mature, juicier follicles?

Who doesn’t want them as fast a possible?

Sign me up folks. Id love juicier follicles- faster. Or at the very least at a normal rate of speed.

Well my little follicles are maturing just like a fine wine. Taking their good ol’ sweet time and as long as my body doesn't ovulate them prior to them maturing fully then we still have a shot at this cycle.

There is still hope.

Still a shot.

Still a maybe.

　

Since Monday I have been upped to 225 IU Menopur- which I will continue until IUI or IUI cancellation. On Monday all of my follicles were 10mm and under- no/nada/zilch in the growth department- today I have an 11mm follicle on the Right along with (2) 9mm follicles and lingering cyst which has gotten somewhat smaller at 11mm. On my Left ovary I have a 9mm follicle. My lining has gone down, but is still acceptable at 8mm.

What does all that mumbo-jumbo mean? Some growth. Albeit minimal.

But as long as there is a shot.... As long as there is some growth I am holding onto hope.

What does all this mean?

　

It means my follies really are taking their damn time growing this cycle and its not very promising, but there is still a shot that they can grow and mature as long as my body doesn't ovulate them on their own.

　

If we can get at least one follicle to at least 16mm they won't cancel the IUI.

All and all its a waiting and praying game now.

　

I go back for another u/s and more bloodwork on Saturday. Until I am told that this cycle is over- I will continue to move forward daily with hope that there is still a chance.

　

Speaking of Saturday—it really is going to be a day. I have to go to the office which is about an hour further away since its the weekend. I have a 07:15 appt time and then I need to come home and go to my cousins’ wedding.

　

Funny (ish) story about this wedding to spread some happy lovey dovey thoughts.

　

My one cousin -JA is kinda/sorta marrying my other cousin -LC- not in a back woods incestuous kinda way- but in a JA is my cousin, but LC is my cousin on the other side of my family's cousin. We all grew up together since we are all the same age and when I was little I really didn't understand the entire "she's your cousin but her cousins on the other side of her family are not your cousin's non sense" - so on Saturday my one cousin is marrying my other "cousin."

　

Ta-dah. Love stories folks :) cousins marrying cousins and fine wine xoxo

And if that’s all too much to follow –which I completely understand- head to Text From Dog.