Thursday, March 6, 2014

And Then I Started Bleeding

I know for some women this may bring back memories of awful things gone wrong. Please no worries if you want to look away. I will preface my entire post by saying so far everything is okay for the peanuts and I, but that certainly does not make it less terrifying.

Yesterday was my first day back to work after 16 days off. Not that they were quiet days off- it was Disney World. I walked miles and miles and for the most part felt pretty good. My full time job is as a 911 Dispatcher- yes high stress- however I remain seated for the majority of my days. 

Yesterday was no different then any other day at work. It was filled with moments of stress and followed by down time. We were busy, but I wouldn't rank it as a bad day- other than it was very difficult to stay awake for the entire shift. 

I did it though. I made it to the end of my shift and it was time to clock out. On my way a coworker and my boss got into a tiff about his call outs. I wasn't involved, but it did upset me that it was happening right there on my way to clock out. I made it to the time clock and then stopped at the bathroom since I can't make it all the way home without having to pee. 

Coincidentally a coworker that I haven't seen in awhile stopped me while I tried to enter the rest rooms and after some small talk actually asked me if I was "knocked up yet". First off- I hate that term "knocked up" and second why do people think its okay to ask. I joked a bit with him and he told me to "keep on trying its the best part." 

Side note- anyone that thinks that trying it the "best part" has never actually tried to get pregnant or in his eloquent, but probably well meaning word "knocked up."

I noticed right away- bright red blood in my panty liner (I'm wearing liners due to the Crinonine). The liner was pretty well soaked through, but as I wiped there wasn't any more bright red blood- it was more brownish and rust colored and there wasn't too much. I was paralyzed with fear. You aren't supposed to bleed while pregnant. Bleeding is bad. My heart pretty much stopped and I sucked in a deep breath as a million and one scenarios ran through my brain. 

First I wasn't cramping so that was a good sign, but it was bright red and that was a bad sign. Then more obscure thoughts passed through my mind- they don't have names yet- they need names. And this can't be happening. Then I started to pray.

I left work and got into my car and text my best friend. She told me to calm down and take some deep breaths and that while its scary she had bleeding in her second pregnancy and everything turned out just fine. She asked about cramping and how I was feeling and then told me to call my doctor to be sure they know. 

Since I am in the process of leaving the RE and moving forward with my OB I am sort of in between doctors. I called my RE though since I have yet to even see my OB. I left a message on the nurse triage line and really didn't expect to hear from them until this morning since there was nothing they really were going to be able to do anyway. 

I got home and my husband asked how my day was. I meekly told him about the bleeding and how I called the doctors office and was hoping for a call back. We both decided neither one of us wanted to make dinner- heck I barely wanted to eat dinner- in fact I really just wanted to throw up. Instead I made a bowl of Apple Jacks and picked at them- finally just drinking the milk and calling it a night. 

As I was about to go upstairs to lay in bed my doctors office called. One of my nurses was on the line and she asked a lot of questions about how I was feeling and what type of bleeding. So told me that since it was turning rust colored and brownish that it lead her to believe that it was old blood now and that while I should be on high alert I should do my best not to stress.  (Hahhaha) She told me that there are lots of causes for bleeding in pregnancy- and especially in the first trimester of a twin pregnancy. Causes listed were a possible UTI, my uterus expanding faster then my body expected, endometrin lining being disrupted.. and so on and so forth. She also went on to say that of course bleeding could be a sign of miscarriage- but not to worry about that unless the bleeding continues or cramping starts. She told me if I continue to bleed, it gets heavy, or I experience cramping to call them today. 

She left me with orders to keep my feet up when possible, try to remain stress free, continue to hydrate, and be sure to continue not to lift anything over 5lbs and avoid exerting myself. 

All in all it sounded like she wasn't too worried and that helped ease my fears some. I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night- I dreamed of lakes of blood and crying very vividly and when I wasn't dreaming I was up praying and thinking of names for the babies. 

This morning I woke up and when I went into the bathroom and right away wanted to check for bleeding- thankfully there was none. Not even a trace. My morning was also met with a healthy dose of morning sickness which I am pretty sure I have never embraced or wanted to feel more. 

I am still terrified. I didn't ever expect to see blood and I surely would be just fine with never seeing blood again. Ever. Hopefully it doesn't return and it was just some random bleeding. I am doing everything I can to remain as calm as humanly possible. 

I just keep praying over the babies and over my body. Praying that my little peanuts are just fine in there and continuing to thrive and grow. Praying that this is only the first of many scares that I am sure over the years that they will give me.

47 comments:

  1. Saying big prayers for you. Hopefully this is all just a scare and nothing more.

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    1. Thank you. Praying the same exact thing.

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  2. Oh Kasey! I'm soooo sorry! I can't even imagine how terrifying this is. I'm going with your doctors though and believing that there are way more reasons for blood, especially in a twin pregnancy than just miscarriage... the odds are with you! Hang in there girl! Lots of prayers for you and your sweet family!

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    1. Thank you. I keep trying to convince myself that everything is fine, but I still can't help but worry. Thanks for the prayers!

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  3. This is a fear of mine...to get pregnant and see blood because I am a worry wart and have managed to not worry about certain areas of my life but I'm not sure how I would handle seeing blood. I know worrying isn't going to do any good and it would cause more stress but eek!

    I'm covering you in prayer right now! Lord, I lift up Kasey and her lil peanuts. I know it's will that they live because you are nothing but good and miscarriage, complications, etc is not from you nor something you want. I pray that you will continue to wrap your arms around these babies and protect them while they grow perfectly in her womb. I pray that Kasey's mind is at ease and she fears no bad news but that her heart stays steadfast in trusting in you (Psalm 112:7). Thank you for these lives and thank you for your faithfulness, mercy, and goodness. Amen!

    Love ya girl!

    waitingforbabybird.com

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  4. Thank you so much Elisha! Your prayer is beautiful and its just what I needed. Headed to Psalm 112:7 right now. Thank you.

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  5. So glad everything is ok! I can't even imagine how frightening that must be.

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    1. Absolutely terrifying. Im glad it stopped- I hope it doesn't come back.

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  6. I'll be praying that God sustains the lives of your babies. I know how scary bleeding can be. I started bleeding when I was 5 weeks. I bled bright red blood for 1-3 days every week until 14 weeks. At 6 weeks I was gushing blood and thought I was having a miscarriage. I cried and prayed the entire way to the fertility clinic. I cried even more when the doctor pointed out the strong heartbeat. Bleeding is such a scary thing. My bleeding was caused from blood pockets that they picked up during the ultrasounds. If you are still worried, I would ask for an ultrasound to give you peace of mind. I'm happy to tell you I'll be 6 months on Sunday. So keep your trust in God and continue to pray!

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    1. Thank you Kelsey. So glad to read that you are almost 6 months. I asked about an ultra sound, but they told me to call today if the bleeding continues and we will go from there. Thank you for your story. It makes me feel much better.

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  7. I know how scary bleeding can be. I had it from my BFP until 9 weeks, thankfully none since but I still find myself checking every time I use the washroom. I'm happy to hear that things have settled down!

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    1. Im so glad they settled too- there is no way I would have made it through today without going in and getting check if I was still bleeding.

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  8. I know how scary that it. So glad it stopped and the nurse calmed your fears a bit. Saying lots of extra prayers for you!

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  9. Thanks Suzanne I appreciate the fears so much. Im so glad the nurse called right back last night.

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  10. Oh Kasey I saw the title of this post and my heart dropped. I'm so glad to hear the bleeding has stopped and you aren't experiencing any cramping. Both very good signs! I will keep you and the babies in my prayers. Hang in there girl!!

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    1. Thank you so much. I felt the same way when I saw the blood. Just terrified. Im glad its stopped too. Thank you.

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  11. Goodness! Why can't our fertility lives every just be boring and mundane?!? I'll continue to hope it's nothing.

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    1. Thanks Katie. I long for boring and mundane. I pray for nothing to post about. Hopefully this is just a little blip and nothing to worry about.

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  12. I will be praying for you and the twins Kasey that this was just a one time thing. How scary. Keep us updated!

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    1. Thank you! I will - I hope the only thing to update is nothingness.

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  13. I know exactly how you feel! I completely flipped out when I bled at 9 weeks. Uncontrollable sobbing and shaking, wanting to vomit, etc. Sounds like you are holding it together pretty well! I rushed in for an US as soon as they would see me which was the following morning. I just had to see the HB!! Everything turned out fine for me luckily but holy sh*t I was petrified! I bled about three times. My nurse said she would only be concerned if there was cramping and if I was soaking thru a think pad every two hours...that's a lot! I hope it doesn't happen again to you!

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    1. Thank you I remember reading your story before and I think it helped keep me really calm.

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  14. That is terrifying! I am glad the bleeding stopped and that you experienced morning sickness. Praying for you and the babies.

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    1. Thank you it was absolutely terrifying but I feel pretty good today knowing so many have experienced this as well.

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  15. It is one of the scariest things to see, and I am impressed by you keeping your composure the way you did. But I am praying for you and the babies! For you to stay calm and be able to have peace of mind (because Lord knows it's almost impossible) and for those babes to just keep cooking.

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    1. Thank you Darla! I've been doing my best to stay calm :)

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  16. Oh I know how you feel. I had a bleeding episode early on and was thankful that the morning sickness was there too. Praying that your babies stay safe in your womb.

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    1. Thanks it's so common which helps me to feel much better.

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  17. Oh Kasey! I know how scary that must have been. I have heard lots of times that bleeding is very common early on in twin pregnancies. I am praying so hard for you and those sweet babies! I'm glad it seems like it has stopped.

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  18. What a stressful return back to work. I hope the bleeding was only a one time thing. Thinking of you!

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    1. Me too! It really was a stressful first day back!

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  19. Sending lots of hugs! Sorry you had such a scare!

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  20. Ugh! This sounds so familiar because I had something similar happen 2 weeks ago. But I am still pregnant and U/S today showed things developing fine. So try to keep the terror in check and follow up with your doctor. Thinking of you.

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    1. Thank you! It really is scary to see but the more I hear to more common it really seems. Scary none the less.

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  21. Will be praying for you tonight. Hugs.

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  22. Praying with you Kasey!!!!! Keep believing!!!!! xoxo

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  23. That was such a scary title to your post! I'm glad the bleeding has stopped, and hopefully you won't have any more scares :)

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    1. I'm praying for no more scares as well! It was a scary day!

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  24. I'm so glad things seem okay now. Its the thing we all fear. As long as you keep an eye out for hematomas this should pass. Lots of women bleed and come through just fine. I will pray for you and your little ones.

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    1. I'm definitely hyper vigilant right now but I'm feeling better about it now.

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  25. Thinking of you and praying that everything will be fine.

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  26. So glad it was isolated and praying that the bleeding turns out to be nothing. Sooooo many women who go through IVF have bleeding or spotting, much more than "regular" pregnant women from what I've seen. It could be an SCH or nothing at all. I spotted until at least 8 weeks or so, and there was bright red as well. It's so scary, but it finally dissipated and was never to be seen again. I bet the same will happen for you. It's normal to have some bleeding during the first tri, and as long as it's not a combination of full flow red blood with cramps and with clots, you shouldn't be alarmed....at least that is what my peri told me.

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