IUI #5

Everything went so well today- 

First Rob got me a good luck charm. He text me yesterday while I was at work and told me he had a gift for me on the kitchen table. When I got home I found this: 

Its a Origami Owl custom necklace. A few weeks ago we were out with a few friends and I admired one of the girls necklaces and told Rob it was something I would like someday. Well Rob went online and chose a necklace made just for me- 

Flip-Flops- because I LOVE my flip flops

Sand Dollar- to represent where we were married - the beach 

Softball- because I have always played 

I Love My Dog- because I'm slightly obsessed with my dog

Emerald Heart- my birthstone 

Medical Symbol- to represent my line of work 

Margarita- to represent all the good times 

Wedding Ring- to represent our marriage 

He did good. So today I put my necklace on and headed off for IUI # 5. Rob dropped off at 8:30 and I arrived at 9:30. I waited a bit in the office and then was taken back. Rob had an amazing post wash count of 81 million. 

The first thing my nurse did was compliment my necklace. She even told Dr. S he should get one for his wife, which made him laugh. He explained he doesn't do sentimental things like that his wife would think he went crazy. I explained what all the charms represented during my IUI. There is something about laughing with your doctor that makes it seem a little better given the circumstances. 

Then my nurse pointed to the ceiling: 

She told me the story of the wind chimes. A woman who had been coming to the clinic for over a year was given this wind chime by a friend while she was going through her infertility journey. When the women found out she was pregnant- yesterday- she brought in the wind chimes. They hung them in the room as a good luck charm. 

Well I felt so blessed. I have had so many of you emailing me today and so many good luck charms being placed in my path. Everything seems so good for this cycle. 

My lining was 14mm, I had 3 good mature follicles and Rob had a great count. Everything looks so good. 

Not my best photo..

So I laid back and tried to make some babies.. .

I know that we did everything we needed to do on our behalf this cycle. Its in Gods hands now. 

After my IUI I went to acupuncture and had a very relaxing session. I have my next session scheduled for next week on Thursday- hopefully right around implantation time. 

Thank you all for thinking of us today. 

The two week wait begins.... 

IUI Take 5

Today was my cycle day three ultra sound and blood work.

The tally is- left ovary 6 follicles under 10mm and right ovary 8 under 10mm..

Oh and the trouble maker right ovary has a 14mm cyst which is most likely left over from ovulation last month. The APN told me this should not be a problem at all and they don’t expect it to be producing hormones so I shouldn’t worry myself one bit. So I'm not going to. 

I discussed how my acupuncturist mentioned trying some chinese herbs and teas and she said that was okay by her, however she would like to know what he wants me to take and she will take a closer look at them when she see's me next. I am scheduled to see the acupuncturist tomorrow, so I will keep you all posted on his plan as well. 

So far her plan- 

I am to start Menopur 150 IU tonight w/ my .25mg Dex and come back on Friday morning for more blood work and another ultra sound.

Originally they wanted me to return on Saturday, but when my nurse went to set up my Saturday appointment -at the office that is an hour away because my office doesn’t have Saturday hours- she asked me what time would be a good fit for my Saturday. I didn’t really say anything- just contorted my face and then said it didn’t matter I would figure it out somehow. Then she pried for more information.

I told her I was working on the ambulance so I would have to call out. It’s not like when I work in dispatch and my boss there comes in and can cover me while I run to an appointment 5 minutes from work. I can’t traipse my ambulance over an hour out of our coverage area and attend an appointment.

She told me I was being far to easy going and to speak up they will work it out for me so I don’t have to call out.

My nurse then went to the APN and asked to move my appointment to Friday for me. Which it was within seconds and there was no fuss.

I’m so thankful for the ladies at my RE office. They really do care and try to make things easier on their patients. They remember me and my job. They ask about my likes and dislikes. They ask about how I am feeling. They grab my hand and look into my eyes and I really feel like even though I say I am fine they know on a deeper level that I am sad and this does blow. I’m thankful for them, because just holding my hand for a moment in time can warm my heart.

My boss does the same thing. She doesn’t pry and ask questions, she just took my hand in hers and said I’m sorry. I know its genuine. She really wishes there was something more she could do and she is always willing to help me whether its covering me while I run to appointments or helping me find coverage on holidays to make it to IUI appointments at the other office.

Speaking of people that help make this journey a touch easier.. 

The other night I sat around a table with two of my girl friends. We drank wine and Woodchuck Pumpkin Cider. (Very good if your inquiring minds were wondering..) We let is all out and we cried and we laughed and we cried because we were laughing. The three of us are all going through some particularly hard times and we talked about all of them. Every last drop of sad and every bit of "this blows" in our lives we let out. We offered support without judgment. We shed tears and felt lighter afterwards, because we weren’t on our journey’s alone. I felt lighter because I released the sad and there was space left again for the good. I woke up the next morning feeling renewed and full of faith again.

Faith that this will work out exactly the way it is suppose to. That the "Super Follie" from last month just was not meant to be. It’s not the baby I am suppose to have and sadly not part of the plan. I was reminded that everything happens for a reason. While we can’t exactly see that bigger picture while we are dealing with our heartaches and sadness in the moments that they are happening, there really is a bigger picture and it will someday make perfect crystal clear sense. Someday the picture that is suppose to be there is going to come into focus and we will understand our struggles.

There is a baby out there that is suppose to be ours. We are suppose to be parents and this journey, and the blows we are being dealt during it, and the lessons we have learned,all of the friendships that have blossomed are just stepping stones which are all strengthening our love towards a child that we have not met just yet and that is not yet ours. But I’m not giving up my faith- he/she is out there. Someone will look into my eyes one day and will call me some form of Mama.

I really do feel good about this cycle. I have felt good in the passed as well, but this time I know things can go one of two ways- it works or it doesn’t and I really have no control over either of those outcomes. I’m going to control what I am able to- taking my medications on time, eating right, staying hydrated, limiting my stress, SMILING, relaxing, and sleeping. I have control over those things and I will do my part and my very best to make this cycle a success.

There is no point to think about the negative. Positivity breeds positivity.

So its happy day my beautiful friends. Smile bright and try to help lift someone else out of their despair today.

I’m going to move forward into this cycle with a good, positive, happy attitude and hope for the very best.

What can you do to spread some happiness, smiles, and positivity around? What are you doing to make yourself happy today?

Try your best to be the positive force in the room today, because whether we know it or not everyone is fighting something...

Power of Positive Thoughts..

Thank you all for your kind words yesterday- they really made me feel much better about everything in a way the doctor was not able to.

I feel really good today. Im going to head to the local shops today with my best friend and walk around and enjoy the sun shine.

I am more than okay with 3 follicles and now I just want those 3 or even just 1 of the 3 to grow. The fact that my follicles only grew 1mm over 3 days is of concern but one of the nurses called me last night to say that Dr. V wanted me to up my Menopur to 150 IU for the next three nights to help with some growth. 

I was worried it was going to burn more with a higher concentration, but it wasn't bad at all. 

The hubby, the dog and I walked a 5k yesterday on the bike trail. Im not suppose to run right now so it was nice to get out there and walk. It was a beautiful evening and there was a nice breeze. I think we are going to try to make it something we do as a family more often. Fresh air always does the body good :)

I also had acupuncture yesterday. Dominic told me not to fret to and to just practice my deep breathing during my treatment. I had a lot more needles than I normally do especially in my abdomen and wrists. I also had the heat lamp over my abdomen. It was nice and I definitely felt more at ease once I left. 

I spent the afternoon with my Mom shopping and hanging out- I discussed us moving - which is becoming more and more of a possibility and she became very worried that we were leaving soon. 

If/when we move it won't be until the new year, but I could tell she was fretting the entire time we were together. Last night while we were laying in bed she text me and said -"If you move to Texas, we are following you guys" 

It melted my heart to think that my parents would follow us despite their entire lives being here. I don't know whats going to happen in our futures. I do know Rob needs work and he is just not finding it here. I would be delighted if my parents followed us. My Mom - while she can make me crazy at times- does mean the world to me. 

So that brings me to the real point of my post- my plan for the next few cycles was a break until December, but I have wonderful insurance coverage with my job here- and if we do move I can not guarantee that. I would also have to find a new practice and be comfortable with it. I don't know what I am going to do now, since the likelihood of us moving seems more and more real.

So many questions. So much to think about. 

All of which I have decided to promptly push to the back of my head. I need to focus on living in today. Right here, right now. 

We are in the middle of a great cycle. These follicles are going to grow and I won't have to fret about future cycles.

Ill cross the bridge if I must- but for the rest of this cycle Im going to really zone in on the power of positive thought. 

So todays positive thoughts are that these follicles are growing big and strong and are going to be ready for IUI sooner rather than later :) 

Thank you guys again for letting me spill forth my emotions without judgement. I don't know anywhere else you can let it all out and still feel cared for and find answers without fear of judgement. 

You bloggy ladies are such a great rock, support system and might I add answered questions that the doctor didn't seem to have answers too. <3 

I found AF!

I finally found AF!

All that relaxing yesterday must have helped, because I got home from the pool and typed up my "Snapshot Sunday" blog post and shizam period. 

Nothing like a 40 day cycle to make you appreciate your period  absolutely insane. 

So I called the RE today. I go in tomorrow for Cycle Day 3 ultrasound, blood work and to learn about my medications this cycle. 

I also went to my acupuncturist today. I think it was my best session so far. I had 10 needles in me and the infrared lamp on my lower abdomen. I have been extremely uncomfortable since my period started. The warmth on my uterus was just what the doctor ordered. I told Dominic -my acupuncturist- that I wanted to take his light home with me and keep it over my uterus for the length of my period. Its so much better than wearing a heating pad or using those disposable heating pads. 

I laid on the table for about an hour and just stared out the window. I listened to the music. I practiced deep breaths. I relaxed and I talked to God for the extent of my time there. The blue sky with white clouds just called to me. 

I thanked God that my friend delivered her twins last night safely and they are both healthy and everyone is doing well. 

I thanked God for a job that allows me to take time off and relax.

I thanked God for all the blessings that Rob and I have in our lives. 

I prayed for Rob to find a job or some answers for what we are going to do soon. 

I prayed for a good cycle ahead of us. 

I watched out the window and saw the breeze in the trees. The birds flying around. I was truly grateful for today. 

After acupuncture I was filled with a calmness that I haven't had in awhile. I know whatever is meant to be will be. This cycle is filled with hope for me and I have a good positive vibe going into it. 

I walked the Ocean City boardwalk and just thought about our future. Our baby that is out there somewhere and I felt serene and ready for whatever the future holds. 

Im happy, Im relaxed, Im thankful, and I am hopeful. I haven't been this relaxed accompanied with this peace filled feeling the entire time we've been called infertile. I think its a good sign. 

Definitely a good sign. 

My AcuGraph Results

All about my AcuGraph-

The AcuGraph shows each individuals relative energetic balance in each of the acupuncture meridians and the relationship between the meridians.

The results don't show disease, but more so imbalances of energy. The practitioner's goals are to correct the imbalances; thus correcting any symptoms or problems you already have.

Each acupuncture meridian is tested for energy. The result of this is a frequency which gets measured on a scale. I'm not completely sure the top end of the scale, but on the graph I was given the highest number is 200 and the lowest is zero. My results were all over the place ranging from 12 to 138. Under 52 is considered low energy, over 63 is considered high energy.

My pie graph of all my meridians..

There is so much information on this hand out- if I were to type is all I would be here all day.

　

Basically- there are different meridians measure to be associated with different body regions.

Each region and my actual results..

-Lung- mine is considered high and what sticks out most to me on the list of excessive energy in the lung meridian is allergies and emotional issues with worry and grief.

-Small Intestine- mine is considered split (one side high and one side low) and what sticks out the most to me for split energy in this meridian is disturbances in the digestive system and urinary system.

-Large Intestine- mine is considered low. What sticks out the most to me with deficient energy in this meridian can be associated to digestive issues, problems with the teeth, congestion and coughing issues, issues with the neck, and emotional issues with letting go of the past.

-Spleen- which is high. Excessive energy in the meridian that sticks out most to me is menstrual disorders, digestive and urinary issues, and feelings of worry.

-Liver- which is considered low. Deficient energy in this meridian can be associated with menstrual disorders or issues, dry or blurry eyes, and emotional issues with frustration, tension and depression.

-Kidney - which is considered low. Deficient energy in this meridian can be associated with issues with reproduction, hormonal imbalances, conception, pregnancy, and menopause. Emotional issues with depression and issues with will power are also associated.

-Bladder- which is considered high. Excessive energy in this meridian can be associated with back pain, urinary issues, and emotional issues with holding grudges.

-Gallbladder- which is considered low. Deficient energy can be associated with issues with the eyes, neck, and emotional issues of stubbornness and lack of courage.

-Stomach- which is considered low. Deficient energy can be associated with gastrointestinal issues, issues with the teeth and emotional issues of anxiety.

-Pericardium- which is considered split. Split energy can be associated with digestive issues and emotional feelings of depression, anxiety and restlessness.

-Heart- which is considered split. Split energy can be associated with speech impairments and disorders of the throat as well as emotional issues with lack of joy and heartache.

-Triple Energizer is the only meridian which was considered in a normal range.

　

Like I said there was a TON of information that I didn't include because it didn't stand out to me. The most glaring was the kidney being low and its relationship with pregnancy.

Its all very interesting to me and I hope that putting these different meridians back in balance helps.

All I know is it can'
t hurt.

Pedicures, Acupuncture, and Pineapple Sangria- HELLO HAPPINESS!

Some back story incase you are new here- DH has been out of work for about two months. You can read here about that big mess. 

So since DH has been out of work I have been pulling, not only over time at my full time job, but working about 24 hours a week at my part time job as well. I am a full time dispatcher and part time I work as an EMT. To say that I am overworked and stressed out is probably an understatement- and thats before you add infertility struggles into the recipe. 

I am currently in the midst of 7 days of work in a row. Today- hump day- is my only half shift- the rest are all twelve hour shifts or 18 hour shifts. The last two days at work have been absolutely beyond horrible. I have a hard time letting work go.. its difficult in this line to just leave yesterday where it belongs- the past. Instead I stressed about Tuesday's insanity while I should have been sleeping to prepare myself for Wednesday. Instead I went into work today sleep deprived and still fired up about yesterday's massive train wreck. So in a very rare half shift celebration I decided to dedicate today to decreasing my stress levels. --What a concept.. I tell ya!

Here is how I celebrated- Happiest Half Shift Wednesday EVER!

Happy zero stress hump-day <3

For starters I had my favorite lunch- grilled ham and cheese on rye with tomato soup. Really my friends- is there anything more wholesome than grilled cheese and soup? The melty velvety cheese and the creamy soup. Ahhhh a little peak at Heaven. 

Once I left work at one I decided to leave the last few days there. I'm on a boycott discussing the crazy and am working on moving past the circus that has been my job the last few days. instead I am focussing on clearing my mind and the fact that I have a 17 day stay-cation starting next Friday! (Can I get an AMEN!) 

I went to get a pedicure once I left work. I chose a bright-happy blue and sat back in the massaging chair and read my book while the pedicurist massaged my feet and legs. I actually could feel the tension in my calves releasing as she passed the warm stone over them. There is something about someone else massaging your legs and feet and painting your toes that is completely unrivaled. 

This is what my toes look like.. hello happy toes!

After my pedicure I headed to the liquor store. How can you not be happy with isle after isle of liquid happiness spread before you? I suppose the recovering alcoholics and sober ones in the crowd will disagree with me here- but this barren womb wanted pineapple sangria.. so thats what I made it. A giant container of beautiful pineapple sangria with pieces of mango, strawberries, and pineapples floating around.  Its a bit of liquid sunshine to brighten some otherwise torrential skies. 

Hello liquid happiness! 

Pineapple Sangria

Yield: Makes 8 servings

I doubled the ingredients listed below (and used a 3L bottle of wine) to serve a crowd. Please note if you want as much sangria as you see if my photo, you'll want to do the same. If you want to serve a smaller group of friends, the amounts listed below is what you'll need.

Ingredients:

3 cups pineapple juice
1 bottle dry white wine, such as Chardonnay or Sauvignon Blanc
1 cup brandy (pear brandy or apricot brandy will work)
1 ripe pineapple, cut into 1-inch chunks

1 cup pineapple soda

1 bunch fresh mint, roughly chopped
1 orange, sliced

Directions:

In a pitcher, combine the juice, wine, brandy, pineapple, and soda with ice and stir. Pour into large wineglasses and garnish with the mint and orange.

Once I finished making my liquid sunshine I headed off to my acupuncture appointment -also known as utter relaxation. I will pay $75 once a week to feel that level of relaxation any time. Today he placed two needles in each ear - he did say the reason for the ear is because of my stress. He also placed one needle in each wrist, one on top of each of my knees, two in each of my ankles and three in various areas on my feet. Then he placed an infrared lamp over my abdomen, placed a foam roll under my knees, turned down the lights, turned up the relaxing music and told me to work on deep breaths. I transcended to that special place between being awake and being asleep. You know that place right before you actually fall asleep, where your limbs feel heavy and your muscles are completely relaxed. I laid like that for 30 minutes and then Dr. D returned, removed the needles and ran a lotion over each spot. Heaven folks. Heaven on earth. 

Apparently help with your stress.. 

I received a full report on my AcuGraph which I will discuss in detail tomorrow.


I came home from my appointment to find all of my medications for my next cycle have arrived- which I'll also discuss at another time because there are some discrepancies between my conversation with my clinic and the pharmacy and what actually arrived on my door step today. 

I'm not going there today though- Im in a happy place and I don't plan on leaving for awhile! 

Cheers to finding your happy<3

Acupuncture, AcuGraph, and Regaining My Own Balance

I went to my second acupuncture appointment today and met with my acupuncture Dominic.

Today I had an AcuGraph done. Basically I took my shoes and socks off and I held a conduction device in one hand and my acupuncturist took another device, which was like a cotton swab on one end and was damp, and pressed it to different points all over my hands and feet. Each specific spot correlates to a specific spot in the body. Each time he touched the spots a noise was made on the machine and each noise frequency was given a number. Each spot correlates to an acupuncture point.


What the AcuGraph tool looks like



The Chinese beleive that your body is always supposed to be in balance. Imbalances can be caused by different things such as lifestyle, occupation,, environment, emotion, stress, genetic, metabolic, side effects of medication, and physical trauma.. etc. My AcuGraph showed that nothing in my body is in balance. Everything is either high or low or split with my right side or left side being high and/or vice versa. Prior to my AcuGraph I filled out a list of symptoms and marked off whatever applied to me on list. After the AcuGraph we compared the list with the results of the AcuGrap. I wish I had a copy of the actual AcuGraph results to share, but Dominic needs it to go over in detail to come up with a treatment plan.



What my results look like..and what they measure.. these are not my results though.. just stole them from online



Today we discussed the plan he wants to do the acupuncture in conjunction with my upcoming IUI with Injectables cycle. His plan for this cycle is to increase blood flow to my organs and decrease my stress. He even said he knows that everyone probably tells me to just not stress out and lord knows its easier said than done. He wants to help me with that. I want him to help me with that.

My experience in the waiting room was a lot less eventful. No vagina's out on display. However, there was a pregnant woman holding her pregnant belly asking people if they wanted to touch her baby. I cringed because a) I don't want to touch your baby since I have no clue who you are and b) I hate feeling uncomfortable and having no where to go. Luckily once again God graced me with a quick wait time which made it so I didn't have to either touch her belly or uncomfortably tell her I didn't want to touch her belly and/or have a nervous break down about her belly.

Actually I'm going to choose to take it as a good sign from above. The future if you will.

Anyway I go back next Wednesday for my first actually session. I really really really am looking forward to this. I will take all the awkward situations in the waiting room in all the land if that means I get to feel less stress and increase the odds of having a baby.

I plan on taking a break from medication if this next cycle doesn’t work. September, October and November I will take off from any medication and will continue with acupuncture. I will try the Chinese herbs and tea and the acupuncture and hopefully regain some balance. I also want to focus on my running and exercising and losing weight. I want to go into my next cycle with the best health and balance I can.

So I pray that this cycle works. But if not its break time. Time to refocus on me and my health so that I can go into this pregnancy with the best body and mind possible. I'm truly looking forward to this next cycle. I'm hopeful and ready to go. But I’m also already mentally prepared for the cycle to not work... and in that case at least I have a plan. At least I’m already mentally preparing...

Who knows maybe my body will surprise me- maybe even July will bring a miracle. If not bring on August..

I think I’m finally mentally ready for this and I really think Dominc the Acupuncturist/AKA therapist who
listens to me spill forth my life has really already helped me find some balance and help prepare me…

My Acupuncture Experience

Today was my very first consult with my new Acupuncturist- Dominic. 

I really didn't know exactly what to expect. I hate going to new doctors appointments or offices mainly because I hate not knowing where I am going. I found this place with ease, however when I went in they didn't have me down for an appointment. I know we planned on today-- so who really knows what happened and why I wasn't on their list, but they did fit me right in and apologized citing computer glitches. 

Whatever- Im just glad they got me in. With my fragile mental state and how excited I was for this appointment if they told me they couldn't fit me in today I have no doubts that I would have cried. 

I filled out a couple of papers explaining why I was there and included was a question asking - "Does the condition that brings you here affect your daily life." 

There were four possible answers- Not that much, Sometimes, Moderately to Severely, or It consumes my every waking thought. 

I chose the last one. There is not a moment that goes by that I don't think about how I am not pregnant. As much as try to not let it consume my thoughts- it really does. 

Once I was finished with all my paperwork I waited in the waiting room. It was filled with a wild assortment of people. Old, young, even kids.. most looked like they were suffering from physical pain- no one else looked like they were suffering from the mental pain of infertility.. thats not to say anyone wasn't, but no one else really fit the "Im trying to have a baby but can't so Im here exprimenting with something new...." bill. 

One women came in wearing skin tight gray tights. They were absolutely see through and she wasn't wearing any underwear. 

Im the type of person that will tell you your zipper is down or you have something in your teeth or hanging from your nose-- but I have never ever had to tell someone their vagina was showing. 

Thankfully my moral dilemma about how to tell verses should I tell this women her vagina was on full on view was put to rest since they pulled me back to be seen right away. 

Sweet since they didn't have my appointment down. Even sweeter because like a train wreck you can't help but staring at the see through pant lady. 

If I take nothing else away from my appointment today it is this- always, always, always take the time to check yourself in the mirror prior to leaving your home... always.. 

They let me tour the office which was clean and everyone was smiling. Everyone looked generally happy to be working there. All of the doctors that I saw there seemed to be male, mid 30's, and strikingly handsome. 

This office does physical therapy and chiropractic care on one side and acupuncture on the other side. 

They took me back to a little office room with a big window. There was soft, relaxing music playing- and a little waterfall running. 

The big window and table in their acupuncture rooms. 

Then the doctor came in and sat with me. He was much younger than I expected- He could have passed for late twenties. He had these piercing baby blue eyes and he just had this way about him that automatically made me want to talk to him. We talked for almost 45 minutes. We went over our entire TTC history. My entire menstrual health history. My entire medical history and Rob's medical history as well. 

I was a bit disappointed because I really thought we would do some actual acupuncture today and I was looking forward to it but it really was just a consultation today. 

This doctor has a way about him that just instantaneously relaxes you. He discussed my expectations and he discussed his success. He says he treats a lot of women and the ones that stick with acupuncture and the herbs he prescribes end up with babies. He says the key is consistency. 

His goal is to get my cycles to be regular and less painful. He thinks that is the root of all of my problems and thats where he is going to start. He also wants to consult my RE and my OB/Gyn and discuss my history and request my records. 

All in all it was a good experience. .. it was also free for my consultation so at least there is that... 

The waterfall and gentle music. I think I may invest in one!

If my insurance doesn't cover anything it will be $75 a visit and he wants to see me twice a week if possible. I told him with my schedule and my other doctors appointments and finances I can commit to once a week. They are going to see if my insurance will cover appointments, but I have already set myself up for an exam on Thursday... $75 dollars or not I really want to try this out. 

Baby or bust.. 

I have a ton of paper work to fill out and bring back. He said they will examine me and go over trouble areas- different organs and body parts to work on. I'm excited for Thursday and to see what he has to say. 

If nothing else I want to be more relaxed. I want to be calmer and more easy going. If he can rid me from my god awful menstrual pain then thats a bonus. If he can help get me pregnant than I may buy him a pony.. 

Or maybe I'll just buy the lady with the gray tights and vagina on display in his waiting room a pair of real pants. He probably would appreciate that just as much....


Health Source Acupuncture