On Finding Your Religion

-Everything is super fantastic with me and the twins right now. Nothing really to report there- no more bleeding since the one incident last week and the worst morning sickness yet had hit me starting on Friday and has stuck around ever since. Trust me I am not complaining- I've never embraced morning sickness as much as I am right now- to me it means that my babies are growing and are getting bigger and stronger, so every time I hang my head into a sink, toilet, or other vomit catching receptacle I know that my body is doing just what its suppose to do. This is not to say I wouldn't mind some relief so that I can eat some. My one worry at this point is that I am down just over 12lbs since finding out I was pregnant. I'm overweight right now anyway, but I don't want to continue to lose weight. My goal this week is to work on eating what I can, when I can, but not skipping over meals. Our first appointment with our new OB is Wednesday- I hope I get to see my little ones again :)

Last night while I was praying I was thinking a lot about my old church. The church I grew up in. We have recently found a new church near us and felt very at home there, but I couldn't help but miss my small town church last night. It also got me thinking to how I found my religion.

When I was born  I was very premature and my Great Grand-father was a strong Catholic. He believed that if I wasn't Christened and something happened to me I would go to hell. So my Great Grand-father came to the hospital and had me Christened his self. My Mom was raised as a devout Catholic and my Father a not as devout Baptist. My brother and I were brought up to believe in God, but no strict religion. 

In fact my parents and their best friends baptized me after I came home in a cedar water creek near our home themselves. Once I was old enough I started attending Sunday school on my own and stayed with my little church for many years. Religion was something I was always drawn to.

I grew up in a small town conservative Baptist Church. It was quiet for the most part, but something that I liked is that Pastor knew me. Everyone knew me. Part of me misses that. Part of me doesn't feel like this new church is the exact fit for us and I think that is what is missing- the small town feel that I grew up with. 
 
Our new church is big and loud and has multiple services a day- and while I am becoming more involved and meeting lots of new people that attend the service I normally attend- I still can't help but feel like I am lost in the crowd there. Its by no fault of their own- in fact its amazing that this new church has so many members and is large and I like the loud music -it draws you in and gives me a chance to sing- something I love, but not something I get to do regularly. (ps I have no voice and I sing completely out of key, but my lord loves when I sing to him regardless!) 


What I don't miss from the small town church is the judgemental feel of everyone knowing you. When I was a teenager and I messed up big time the entire church knew. There were no secrets. I think that is part of the reason I never went back.

Then that led me to think about messing up and making mistakes. I'm flawed- in fact we all our. I have said things I shouldn't have said, done things I am not proud of, have a past that was rocky, lost myself more than once- all this being said is it best to proclaim our faults? Shout them out to the world? 

World I am flawed and here are all my mistakes and my transgressions? 

Or is it perfectly okay to keep quiet and know your own faults. Apologize when you should and move forward with your life. Isn't that what we should do? Isn't that what God wants us to do? After all if he forgives me for my sins- isn't that enough? 


I guess I was feeling really good about the new church, but I really do miss the small town feel that a smaller church can give. All these feelings have me left wondering if this new church really is the perfect set up for our little family... or if I just need to keep pushing and finding to right place and the right fit.

How did you seek and find a new church? What were things you looked for?