I've had negative HPT's the last few days, so it wasn't exactly a surprise that it was negative again today. I called my RN triage line at my clinic and unlike last cycle where they just requested I just stop the progesterone and call them on cycle day 1, this cycle they still want me to come in for a Beta.
Which I think is crap. Why so you can call me while I am at work tomorrow and tell me I am not pregnant?
She told me HPT's aren't always reliable. I call bs personally. I've been super crampy and Im pretty sure the second I stop the progesterone that 14mm lining is going to expel itself from my body.
Its not going to be pretty.
I don't know what to do. I know that my clinic is only going to do 1 more IUI prior to recommending IVF, but we still don't have any understanding of why these IUI's haven't worked so far.
I want more testing. I want some kind of answer. I really feel like these IUIs have become just a shot in the dark. Perfect lining, mature eggs, and a wonderful sperm count and still nothing. Something just isn't happening the way it should.
Something is still wrong.
I feel like if I do go the IVF route I want to go to a larger medical center where I know they have had a lot of success. I do have an appointment for a meeting with that Center in November. There are issues involving this other clinic- such as its location...
I think my plan for this moment (which is totally subject to change) is to have IUI 6 at my closer, more convenient clinic. I'm pretty sure they plan on doing another Menopur cycle, and I have a lot of Menopur left from my last cycle. I will pray that IUI 6 is the magic one and that no further choices need to be made-
However if they do I think I may take November and December completely off of all things fertility. Detox my body, not take a single HPT, OPK, or BBT. Focus only my acupuncture and TCM and then meet with the new doctor in January instead. Focus on my mental and physical health. Exercise.
Its no secret that these treatments do a number on our bodies and our minds. I feel exhausted and defeated. I feel bloated and puffy.
I feel sad.
I may have posted this picture before- I can't remember- but its my motto to get through all of this-
On top of all of the infertility issues I've been dealing with an issue with my neck. For about six weeks I have been in spasm and experiencing pain, weakness, stiffness, numbness and tingling. Its been a real joy.
Yesterday I finally visited a specialist for cervical (neck) pain. I had a ton of x-rays (which included a very strange discussion about getting x-rays at 13 days post IUI and then explaining what an IUI is to a X-ray tech...ultimately I knew I was not pregnant that morning and I knew the chances of my actually being pregnant were so small and I knew I had to get these x-rays done in order to get treatment so I had them done.) I then had two cortisone shots into my neck and shoulder- which hurt like crazy. I start physical therapy today.
I am praying for some relief in the pain.
Which brings me to my next issue- insurance. Apparently PT is not covered and I will have to pay a 500$ deductible for treatment. That's right folks, my insurance will cover IVF and IUI BUT you injure your neck and PT is out. Its insane to me..
So today I go to PT to see what kinda cash were talking about. DH is still not working full time, we are getting by and not struggling, but we don't need anything else on top of it.
Included in my insurance whoas- remember Pam from Horizon who said all my insurance issues would be fixed?
Well thats a bunch of hooey. I have a pile of EOBs here that say otherwise. So on top of trying to sort out PT I need to continue to battle for my fertility treatment too.
Hence why I think it may be the best to just wait until the new year to start with a new doctor. This new doctor comes very well recommended however its about an hour further away and thats going to be a scheduling nightmare that I am going to have to work out and okay with both my coworkers and my boss.
So all in all I am not pregnant today. -BOO
IUI 5 would seem to be a bust, but they are making me get a Beta anyway- BOO
I have cervical myofascial pain, but cant get PT covered by my insurance company- BOO
My insurance company is on my very last nerve- BOO
I have big, major choices to make ahead- BOO
I'm not going to let is all get to me though. I just have to try to stay positive- especially since DH is not the epitome of happy-go-lucky right now. I have to do my best to keep up beat, because depression and sadness really won't make anything any better. I will not accept defeat- not yet.
Woo-sah. Just keep swimming. Chin up buttercup.. and all those other cliche sayings...