Wednesday, October 9, 2013

The 2 Week Wait Is Over

Today marks 14 days post IUI... aka the 2 week wait is up.

I've had negative HPT's the last few days, so it wasn't exactly a surprise that it was negative again today. I called my RN triage line at my clinic and unlike last cycle where they just requested I just stop the progesterone and call them on cycle day 1, this cycle they still want me to come in for a Beta. 

Which I think is crap. Why so you can call me while I am at work tomorrow and tell me I am not pregnant? 

She told me HPT's aren't always reliable. I call bs personally. I've been super crampy and Im pretty sure the second I stop the progesterone that 14mm lining is going to expel itself from my body. 

Its not going to be pretty. 


For real. 

I don't know what to do. I know that my clinic is only going to do 1 more IUI prior to recommending IVF, but we still don't have any understanding of why these IUI's haven't worked so far. 

I want more testing. I want some kind of answer. I really feel like these IUIs have become just a shot in the dark. Perfect lining, mature eggs, and a wonderful sperm count and still nothing. Something just isn't happening the way it should. 

Something is still wrong.

I feel like if I do go the IVF route I want to go to a larger medical center where I know they have had a lot of success. I do have an appointment for a meeting with that Center in November. There are issues involving this other clinic- such as its location... 

I think my plan for this moment (which is totally subject to change) is to have IUI 6 at my closer, more convenient clinic. I'm pretty sure they plan on doing another Menopur cycle, and I have a lot of Menopur left from my last cycle. I will pray that IUI 6 is the magic one and that no further choices need to be made- 

However if they do I think I may take November and December completely off of all things fertility. Detox my body, not take a single HPT, OPK, or BBT.  Focus only my acupuncture and TCM and then meet with the new doctor in January instead. Focus on my mental and physical health. Exercise. 

Its no secret that these treatments do a number on our bodies and our minds. I feel exhausted and defeated. I feel bloated and puffy. 

I feel sad. 

I may have posted this picture before- I can't remember- but its my motto to get through all of this- 


On top of all of the infertility issues I've been dealing with an issue with my neck. For about six weeks I have been in spasm and experiencing pain, weakness, stiffness, numbness and tingling. Its been a real joy. 

Yesterday I finally visited a specialist for cervical (neck) pain. I had a ton of x-rays (which included a very strange discussion about getting x-rays at 13 days post IUI and then explaining what an IUI is to a X-ray tech...ultimately I knew I was not pregnant that morning and I knew the chances of my actually being pregnant were so small and I knew I had to get these x-rays done in order to get treatment so I had them done.) I then had two cortisone shots into my neck and shoulder- which hurt like crazy. I start physical therapy today. 

I am praying for some relief in the pain. 

Which brings me to my next issue- insurance. Apparently PT is not covered and I will have to pay a 500$ deductible for treatment. That's right folks, my insurance will cover IVF and IUI BUT you injure your neck and PT is out. Its insane to me.. 

So today I go to PT to see what kinda cash were talking about. DH is still not working full time, we are getting by and not struggling, but we don't need anything else on top of it. 

Included in my insurance whoas- remember Pam from Horizon who said all my insurance issues would be fixed? 

Well thats a bunch of hooey. I have a pile of EOBs here that say otherwise. So on top of trying to sort out PT I need to continue to battle for my fertility treatment too. 

Hence why I think it may be the best to just wait until the new year to start with a new doctor. This new doctor comes very well recommended  however its about an hour further away and thats going to be a scheduling nightmare that I am going to have to work out and okay with both my coworkers and my boss. 

So all in all I am not pregnant today. -BOO

IUI 5 would seem to be a bust, but they are making me get a Beta anyway- BOO

I have cervical myofascial pain, but cant get PT covered by my insurance company- BOO

My insurance company is on my very last nerve- BOO

I have big, major choices to make ahead- BOO

I'm not going to let is all get to me though. I just have to try to stay positive- especially since DH is not the epitome of happy-go-lucky right now. I have to do my best to keep up beat, because depression and sadness really won't make anything any better. I will not accept defeat- not yet. 

Woo-sah. Just keep swimming. Chin up buttercup.. and all those other cliche sayings... 

22 comments:

  1. I'm sorry this cycle didn't work out, Kasey. My fingers were crossed for you. Absolutely everything you said made so much sense. I would be super pissed if I was clearly not pregnant and my clinic was making me come in for a beta anyway. Yeah, the HPTs aren't perfect, but they are pretty sensitive. And everything you said about waiting for the new year to try the new clinic and IVF - I think that's a great idea. I think a break can work wonders for both our bodies and our mental state, especially around the holidays. Good things are ahead for you. Believe it.

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    1. Thanks Megs I found a way out of the beta- I started spotting, but even then they wanted me to come in.. I said no thanks.

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  2. Boooo sorry to hear the IUI didn't work out. I think you have a great plan for next steps though. You know if you need a break to detox and re-charge, so listen to your body. I'll be doing the same thing right along with you until we try again.

    Hope the neck starts to improve soon too! ((HUGS))

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    1. Thanks Emily! I had my first PT session today- so far so good. Praying the insurance all works out.

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  3. Oh my friend I am so sorry to hear this. I have been praying that your 5th IUI would be your last. I know exactly what you mean about not having answers with IUI. My husband and I did 5 before we quit because everything was always so perfect and it never resulted in a pregnancy. I also detoxed my body lost a ton of weight to just get myself back to my happy place. I am now in the between on deciding whether to begin IVF or not. Also I am so sorry to hear about your neck pain injuries really suck. I will be praying for complete healing for you and pain relief. Romans 8:18 beautiful have you heard the song before? Oh and I love your attitude it's good to be positive. I wish I had that mentality when I was going through my treatments I was such a Debbie downer!

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    1. I need to get back to my happy place for sure :) I have never hear the song I'll have to search for it!

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  4. I think you're absolutely right to want more tests. If they don't know why you're not getting pregnant, how can they fix it? Doing IUI after IUI with no progress is only going to drain your hope. I'm so sorry this is happening, but I think you're being very smart about it. Continually wishing you so much luck!

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    1. Thanks Anne! I'm going to request some additional testing from my clinic- the worst they can say is no and I know the other clinic offers it right up.

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  5. Oh girl!!! hugs from Texas! It sounds like such a hard week. I'm praying that you feel comfort and peace and your neck starts to feel better. I hope you feel wisdom from the Lord for what next steps look like! PS side note - like the new blog background!

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    1. Thanks Caroline! I've been playing with the background and this seems just perfect :)

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  6. Oh wow, we are having an eerily similar day. I just posted about my own experience, and got extreme deja vu when I decided an hour later to read through blogs and read your post! I'm so sorry you are going through this, too. I just got back from my beta that my RE made me take even though I knew from a HPT it was negative. It pisses me off- especially since it costs $130. We've been through 3 failed IUIs, and this cycle was supposed to be our 4th, but we canceled it after I responded poorly to Clomid and just did TI and meds. Best wishes to you on your next cycle, and I hope you get some answers soon.

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    1. Best of luck to you too! Thankfully I started to spot and we cancelled the beta no sense in it other than more heartbreak.

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  7. Kasey, I'm so sorry to read this. Sending big hugs to you from MN! I think you're right to ask for more answers. I also understand the wanting to take a couple months off. This is such a physically and emotionally draining process. It's ok to take a step back for a little bit and focus on you if that's what you need. Hang in there friend!

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    1. Thanks Kristine! Sometimes I feel lost in this journey and I think it's time to find myself again!

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    2. Hoping for peace for you! My TWW is over as well, today is 13dpo and I have a BFN. I'm not getting a beta done this time. I'm going to take a break from the medicated cycles and give my heart and head some time to heal.

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    3. Im so sorry :( You know your body don't get a beta if you already know there is no sense unless you are unsure... or if your period doesn't show up IMO. Take care of your self Kristine! Im thinking about you!!

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  8. Sorry this cycle kicked the bucket. Its sucks big time. But to give you hope...I tried conceiving two years with multiple medicated cycles and IUI...nothing worked even though all seemed perfect. Until IVF and boom. We all want to know why it isn't working, but there aren't always obvious answers. I am not sure if you have had a SHG, but that could clear up some questions. I know there is a lot of negatives but the fact that you have IVF paid for is amazing. I am in so much debt from paying out of pocket. Keep your head up and I will hope for your next IUI.

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    1. Thanks :) I am very lucky that my insurance covers IVF just wish they covered other things and it wasn't always a battle. I'm afraid to do IVF and it not work because were missing something. I haven't had a sono yet.

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  9. Hi Kasey,

    I'm beginning my first IVF cycle late last month and have just completed my first month of acupuncture treatments. In your post, you mentioned focusing on acupuncture and TCM. It's all pretty new to me, but I love it. Can I ask what your experience with it is?

    I'm truly crossing my fingers for you and your IUI 6. This is all such a long, exhausting journey, and we deserve a positive end eventually! Best of luck to you.

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    1. Thanks Ashley! I love acupuncture. If you have never done it some spots where they put the needles to fix the chi may hurt a little. I find some spots just more uncomfortable than others. We haven't done TCM yet, he wanted me to wait for a all natural cycle for TCM. Wishing you the best for your IVF!!

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  10. Ugh, that totally sucks on so many levels. Thanks for sharing all of your raw emotions, even the sadness. My two week wait was a bust as well and I also am having to wait for the new year to move forward with treatment, so I can relate to what you are feeling. We have to keep hoping that good things will happen.

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    1. I'm so sorry your two week wait was a bust too. I haven't found a single person yet that was on a similar cycle that worked out positively this month. Thinking of you!

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