Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Why Cory Monteith's Death Breaks My Heart..

I've been tossing around if I should actually put this blog post out there or not.

How it may be received and how I may be received for it.

I've decided that if I can help someone- anyone who is struggling- then I want to regardless of what anyone else may think of me.

So here goes nothing..
Cory Monteith- the singing football player named "Finn" on Fox's hit show Glee was found dead in in hotel room this weekend.

Monteith was very public with his battle with drug abuse. He had just completed another stint at rehab in April. Monteith started his battle with substance abuse at 13 years old. At the time his family intervened and he went to rehab for his addiction problems.
Monteith was able to complete rehab and battle back. He garnered fame becoming "Finn" on Glee and was very public and open with his struggles.

Not many people know about my own history with substance abuse. I dated someone with a substance abuse problem and I ended up sharing his problem. It became my problem and while I spent a lot of time blaming him and harboring hate for him it was my problem. It was a battle that I had to overcome.
I spent a lot of time fixing my life. I stopped talking to anyone that was part of my previous life. I got help and I grew up. While I didn't land a role on a hit TV show I was much like Cory Monteith. I made a better future for myself despite my past.
I am sure if people knew of my history they would think differently of me. I am proud of myself for over coming the obstacles that I have. I have never looked back and I have never battled with substance abuse again. But that’s not to say that something wouldn't or couldn't send me over the edge and I am always fully aware of that. I have to be.
Its a thought that you keep tucked away. Anyone who has ever dealt with any substance abuse issues of any kind is always aware that they are one mistake away from destroying your future. Its an internal battle of wanting your future more than wanting that one moment of reprieve from your present.

And in this journey with infertility so far there have definetly been moments where I want to hide from the present. It is a choice that I make to keep on moving forward and not to revert back to old bad behaivors. It is a choice I make because I want a better future for me- for my kids- for my family. 

These choices are something I am sure Cory Monteith battled with daily. Especially once he garnered fame. You run into the wrong person from your past and you figure what the heck.. and next thing you know your future is gone and your family and friends are left heart broken and questioning why.
I always keep my family, friends and future in my mind any time I think that my present is too much to handle. It is how I continue to stay clean. 9 years clean to be exact. Something that I deserve to be proud of. Something I am proud of.
Of course the autopsy results are not back yet and maybe there is something more to this that we don't know yet.
None the less all signs are pointing towards a probable overdose.
I'm so sick of seeing posts calling him a "typical junkie" and "troubled kid".

No one who is posting this actually knows him personally. No one understands the mind of an addict unless they have been one themselves.

Instead I wish I saw more about fixing this problem. Offering more counseling. Reaching out to young teens before the problem starts. Drug control. Anything so that another child.. another brother.. sister... friend.. mother.. doesn't have to die because of their addiction...because their present has become to much to handle.. because they are a "junkie".. because they are "troubled".
I want to see more posts about "The Cory Moneith Project."  In my mind it would be where anyone who is struggling can reach out. Can find help easily and can continue living towards a future that they too can be proud of.
I don't often discuss my history. I don't often feel comfortable bringing up my past for fear of judgment. In fact very very few people know my battles and I am just fine with that.
In fact there is only one reason why I am bringing it up here despite my fear of being too open and that is because I want to help. I want to do something to prevent this from happening again.
I really do feel like this should be a catalyst for change. Drug addiction is a real battle. Its something you live with for the rest of your life. It is always in the back of your mind.
Instead of judging him. Instead of calling him a junkie. Take a moment and talk to your kids. Talk to your family members. Talk to your friends and your coworkers. Remind them that they are worth something. Remind them that there are options out there for them.
Take a moment today and remind someone that you care about them.
Remind them that their future is worth something.
Remind them that it doesn't have to be this way.
So if you have stumbled here and you have an addiction problem and you are struggling please reach out to someone.
Anyone. Even if its me. I’m here if you need to talk. There are other options -keep your chin up and keep on keeping on... its a life long battle and your life is worth living even when you are struggling and don't think so for your self.
Lets take this sad story of another life gone to soon and make a difference instead of passing a judgment.


  1. I'm sorry to say I saw the story and just shook my head and wrote him off as another celebrity who thought he was invincible and paid the price.

    Thanks for bringing me off my high horse and making me remember not to judge. You should be very proud of yourself for not just staying clean, but for being brave enough to share.

    1. Thank you Anne I was so worried about how my story would be received. Im so glad I helped to change your mind.

    2. "Be kind. Everyone is fighting a hard battle." That's my motto (I think it's Plato?) but I'm imperfect in my kindness, just like everyone else. I've made my own mistakes and gone down wrong paths more than I can say. Who am I to judge? Who is anyone?

    3. I completely agree. This world be such a different place if there were a lot less judging and a lot more understanding going on.

  2. So thankful for you sharing your heart!! So glad that you are healed now! I admire your willingness to share :)

    1. Thank you! I would be lying if I said I was not afraid to share.

  3. this was very brave of you to post. Sharing is so hard but so healing at the same time. good for you!


    1. Thanks Heidi! I agree it is healing and therapeutic to share and write an put it out there.