Wednesday, September 18, 2013

When Facebook Strikes.

So Facebook got me again today.

But Im gonna battle back...

So its not that I don't agree with the following picture. Its not that at all. In fact I am sure I would agree if given the chance. So, no.. its not that.

Its the tone of the picture that bothers me. Its taunting me.

I would like to make a new one- and yes I know it doesn't rhyme... and somewhat rambling.. but I gotta fight back incase any of you were confronted with this picture today too..

Until you've prayed for little fingers till tears ran down your cheeks. And until you wished for little toes to count over and over and over again. Until you hoped for little hands of your own to wrap your fingers around. Until you attended more doctors appointments than you can remember, stuck yourself with more needles than you can count, taken medications that alter all of your moods,  or cried yourself to sleep in a bedroom that was supposed to be a nursery years ago then you will never understand what battling with infertility does to you. You will never understand wanting to kiss a little nose or rub a little tummy. You will never understand actually WANTING morning sickness or praying for round ligament pain. You will never know what its like to have a love so strong for someone who doesn't even exist yet... who may never exist and yet you still push forward. You keep trying you keep prying open old wounds because of the hope that someday you will have that take home baby.

Im sharing this because infertility is a struggle every single day. Even long after your battle is done it will leave scars that will never heal. You will always have the wounds that infertility lends to you.

There is good that comes from it though. Whether your treatments lead to a beautiful take home baby, or you discover the wonderful world of adoption or make a choice to live child free. No matter where this battle takes you - you will cultivate friendships with a very unique group of women.

These women are stronger and braver than any other women you will come to know. They will love you when Clomid is making you a crazy person, they will comfort you when you get another BFN (and they will know what BFN and all the other lingo means without any explanation) and they will cheer along for good results and happiness...holding you up and holding out hope when you don't feel like you have strength to hold yourself up or hold out hope any longer. They will become another family and without this struggle you would have never met them. And without this other family you wouldn't feel complete. You need them and they need you.



Thats what my picture would say if I were to post it on Facebook. Maybe I can't count toes just yet. And maybe I don't know about the bond between a parent and child- but I know other things. Like the fierce love of the infertility community. I can be greatful for that.

I can celebrate that.

20 comments:

  1. I love your version - and couldn't agree more!

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  2. Your version is absolutely perfect and exactly what I needed to hear today! Thank you!

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    1. So glad to hear that I could help. Hope your day gets better! Xoxox

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  3. I'm sorry this wasn't what you saw, because coming to read this was far better than any other little Facebook image I've ever seen. Your version is perfect, and I hope it brought you as much comfort writing it as it did to me reading it. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Aww thanks Anne I for sure felt better after writing it out :) Glad I could give you some comfort too!

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  4. I love this. Thank you for speaking this truth. Like Anne said....I wish we could all come across this on our FB feed.

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    1. Thanks hopefulyl someday we all can come across it instead of the other... which I saw in different forms at least 3 times yesterday.

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  5. This post brings tears to my eyes. It's so true. Thank you for sharing Kasey!

    I've been cathing up on your other posts, I'm sorry this cycle isn't going as smoothly as you'd hoped. I'm still holding out hope for you that your follicles will catch up and pay attention to your pointing finger :) I need to yell at my follicles too, they aren't growing like they did the last 2 cycles. I've had 2 ultrasounds (CD 10 and 12) and have to go in again in the morning for another one to see if any of them are big enough to trigger yet. I have a few that could be great contenders, if they'd just hurry up and grow!
    Sorry to be so long winded! Just know I'm thinking of you and hoping this cycle works out!

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    1. Hope there are some happy tears there Kristine! Sorry to hear your follicles are being stubborn like mine! Hopefulyl we both have successful cycles. Im going back Saturday for another ultra sound to see if we can get them to grow some more!

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  6. I don't care for the tone of the first one either. I'm sure whoever wrote it didn't go through infertility before having those children she love so much. lol

    I love your version though!

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    1. I feel like it almost comes across condesending- though I am sure that wasn't the intent- at least I hope not. Thanks :)

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  7. You know, 4 years on the other side of my infertility journey, I am still struck by the tonality of things like this Facebook post that popped up on your feed. It bothered me then, and it bothers me now. It's not that I don't agree with loving my child as much as the poster proclaims... it's the exclusionary tone of it that bugs me... as if loving a child this much is the membership privilege in club that you -- non parent, or parent-in-waiting, can't POSSIBLY gain access to until you have a child.

    Tell you what, I became a parent, in a way, the moment I decided to do anything and everything in my power to become one. I loved in advance -- I didn't hedge my bets, reserve my energy or wait until I had fingers and toes to count. I loved without those tangible membership perks... my hopes unguaranteed, my questions unanswered and my outcome uncertain. So yeah -- I know what it's like to love a child that much -- so much so, that I didn't even need a physical child to feel that way.

    As I said, I'm 4 years out from my battle with infertility... but the feelings that posts like that could prompt are SO shallowly buried it takes only someone to come along and casually brush the dirt away for it all to come flooding back.

    I say, until you've handed your fragile and repeatedly broken heart over to infertility treatment or the adoption journey, you have NO CLUE why membership in your club has nothing to do with fingers and toes.

    Think of you often, Kasey... pray for you often.

    -Aimee

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    1. Ohh Aimee your words brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for always thinking of me!!

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