To Break or Not to Break

I did it. 

I tested today despite knowing it still may be a touch early. 

Despite knowing I could upset myself for nothing. 

But there was also that chance. That looming chance of seeing a positive. 

12 DPO- BFN. 

From Count Down To Pregnancy :  "Based on these statistics, if you are pregnant and take a pregnancy test on 12 days past ovulation you are most likely to get a Positive test result, with the most common being a Faint Positive.

The instances of false negatives on 12 days past ovulation are less common, but do still occur. 16.5% of test results were False Negatives. A false negative result is when a pregnancy test indicates that you are not pregnant but you actually are." 

So basically there is a chance- albeit slim- but a chance none the less that its a false negative and my BFP is still out there. I can't help but let some of the positivity I was holding onto about this cycle slip threw my fingers though, which makes me sad. 

It also causes me to think about the future.. 

It forces me contemplate my next steps- my original plan was to take September, October, and November off from treatments. There is a run in Richmond that I want to do with my friends and I was going to take these months to train. I can't train on the medications because they don't want me running or exercising for fear of an ovarian torsion. The real issue is that I can't guarantee our amazing insurance into 2014. I have no idea what 2014 is going to bring us, and if we end up moving I have no idea what kind of insurance we will fall into.We may be forced into a break at that point and so I don't want to waste the amazing insurance that we currently have, which covers so much of our treatments. I also don't know if I am ready for a break just yet. Mentally I know its not giving up, but I also know each passing month we are getting older and older. I also have it in my mind that "what if its meant to be over those months..."

I know Rob isn't ready for a break either and when I dig deep I know either am I. My nurse told me that we are going to give Menopur 3 tries. It would look like try number one is slipping away and so I think we are going to move forward with Menopur take 2 without taking a break. 

I don't know honestly. I guess I still have some more time to make a decision. My period will probably be held off by the Endometrin, which means I will probably still have a Beta on Monday and then can discuss what to do from there. 

I'm really not ready to make a choice. 

I guess I just need to keep this in mind~

I'm praying for an answer for what to do. I ask for some guidance into the next cycle. A sign for what path to take and some patience to handle whatever becomes of this cycle.

Like the picture says- maybe he is saying wait. 

And so I'm going to wait until the answer of what to do is clear.

How did you know when it was time to take a break?