IUI Take 5

Today was my cycle day three ultra sound and blood work.

The tally is- left ovary 6 follicles under 10mm and right ovary 8 under 10mm..

Oh and the trouble maker right ovary has a 14mm cyst which is most likely left over from ovulation last month. The APN told me this should not be a problem at all and they don’t expect it to be producing hormones so I shouldn’t worry myself one bit. So I'm not going to. 

I discussed how my acupuncturist mentioned trying some chinese herbs and teas and she said that was okay by her, however she would like to know what he wants me to take and she will take a closer look at them when she see's me next. I am scheduled to see the acupuncturist tomorrow, so I will keep you all posted on his plan as well. 

So far her plan- 

I am to start Menopur 150 IU tonight w/ my .25mg Dex and come back on Friday morning for more blood work and another ultra sound.

Originally they wanted me to return on Saturday, but when my nurse went to set up my Saturday appointment -at the office that is an hour away because my office doesn’t have Saturday hours- she asked me what time would be a good fit for my Saturday. I didn’t really say anything- just contorted my face and then said it didn’t matter I would figure it out somehow. Then she pried for more information.

I told her I was working on the ambulance so I would have to call out. It’s not like when I work in dispatch and my boss there comes in and can cover me while I run to an appointment 5 minutes from work. I can’t traipse my ambulance over an hour out of our coverage area and attend an appointment.

She told me I was being far to easy going and to speak up they will work it out for me so I don’t have to call out.

My nurse then went to the APN and asked to move my appointment to Friday for me. Which it was within seconds and there was no fuss.

I’m so thankful for the ladies at my RE office. They really do care and try to make things easier on their patients. They remember me and my job. They ask about my likes and dislikes. They ask about how I am feeling. They grab my hand and look into my eyes and I really feel like even though I say I am fine they know on a deeper level that I am sad and this does blow. I’m thankful for them, because just holding my hand for a moment in time can warm my heart.

My boss does the same thing. She doesn’t pry and ask questions, she just took my hand in hers and said I’m sorry. I know its genuine. She really wishes there was something more she could do and she is always willing to help me whether its covering me while I run to appointments or helping me find coverage on holidays to make it to IUI appointments at the other office.

Speaking of people that help make this journey a touch easier.. 

The other night I sat around a table with two of my girl friends. We drank wine and Woodchuck Pumpkin Cider. (Very good if your inquiring minds were wondering..) We let is all out and we cried and we laughed and we cried because we were laughing. The three of us are all going through some particularly hard times and we talked about all of them. Every last drop of sad and every bit of "this blows" in our lives we let out. We offered support without judgment. We shed tears and felt lighter afterwards, because we weren’t on our journey’s alone. I felt lighter because I released the sad and there was space left again for the good. I woke up the next morning feeling renewed and full of faith again.

Faith that this will work out exactly the way it is suppose to. That the "Super Follie" from last month just was not meant to be. It’s not the baby I am suppose to have and sadly not part of the plan. I was reminded that everything happens for a reason. While we can’t exactly see that bigger picture while we are dealing with our heartaches and sadness in the moments that they are happening, there really is a bigger picture and it will someday make perfect crystal clear sense. Someday the picture that is suppose to be there is going to come into focus and we will understand our struggles.

There is a baby out there that is suppose to be ours. We are suppose to be parents and this journey, and the blows we are being dealt during it, and the lessons we have learned,all of the friendships that have blossomed are just stepping stones which are all strengthening our love towards a child that we have not met just yet and that is not yet ours. But I’m not giving up my faith- he/she is out there. Someone will look into my eyes one day and will call me some form of Mama.

I really do feel good about this cycle. I have felt good in the passed as well, but this time I know things can go one of two ways- it works or it doesn’t and I really have no control over either of those outcomes. I’m going to control what I am able to- taking my medications on time, eating right, staying hydrated, limiting my stress, SMILING, relaxing, and sleeping. I have control over those things and I will do my part and my very best to make this cycle a success.

There is no point to think about the negative. Positivity breeds positivity.

So its happy day my beautiful friends. Smile bright and try to help lift someone else out of their despair today.

I’m going to move forward into this cycle with a good, positive, happy attitude and hope for the very best.

What can you do to spread some happiness, smiles, and positivity around? What are you doing to make yourself happy today?

Try your best to be the positive force in the room today, because whether we know it or not everyone is fighting something...