Thursday, September 5, 2013

To Break or Not to Break


I did it. 

I tested today despite knowing it still may be a touch early. 

Despite knowing I could upset myself for nothing. 

But there was also that chance. That looming chance of seeing a positive. 

12 DPO- BFN. 

From Count Down To Pregnancy :  "Based on these statistics, if you are pregnant and take a pregnancy test on 12 days past ovulation you are most likely to get a Positive test result, with the most common being a Faint Positive.

The instances of false negatives on 12 days past ovulation are less common, but do still occur. 16.5% of test results were False Negatives. A false negative result is when a pregnancy test indicates that you are not pregnant but you actually are.


So basically there is a chance- albeit slim- but a chance none the less that its a false negative and my BFP is still out there. I can't help but let some of the positivity I was holding onto about this cycle slip threw my fingers though, which makes me sad. 

It also causes me to think about the future.. 

It forces me contemplate my next steps- my original plan was to take September, October, and November off from treatments. There is a run in Richmond that I want to do with my friends and I was going to take these months to train. I can't train on the medications because they don't want me running or exercising for fear of an ovarian torsion. The real issue is that I can't guarantee our amazing insurance into 2014. I have no idea what 2014 is going to bring us, and if we end up moving I have no idea what kind of insurance we will fall into.We may be forced into a break at that point and so I don't want to waste the amazing insurance that we currently have, which covers so much of our treatments. I also don't know if I am ready for a break just yet. Mentally I know its not giving up, but I also know each passing month we are getting older and older. I also have it in my mind that "what if its meant to be over those months..."

I know Rob isn't ready for a break either and when I dig deep I know either am I. My nurse told me that we are going to give Menopur 3 tries. It would look like try number one is slipping away and so I think we are going to move forward with Menopur take 2 without taking a break. 

I don't know honestly. I guess I still have some more time to make a decision. My period will probably be held off by the Endometrin, which means I will probably still have a Beta on Monday and then can discuss what to do from there. 

I'm really not ready to make a choice. 

I guess I just need to keep this in mind~



I'm praying for an answer for what to do. I ask for some guidance into the next cycle. A sign for what path to take and some patience to handle whatever becomes of this cycle.

Like the picture says- maybe he is saying wait. 

And so I'm going to wait until the answer of what to do is clear.

How did you know when it was time to take a break?

18 comments:

  1. I hope it's false, but if it's not, I wouldn't take a break. I was planning on putting everything off to get the vaccine until they said I didn't need it, and the idea of wasting my insurance (my deductible restarts in January) and waiting was hard, but acceptable if it meant a healthier pregnancy. But I am *so relieved* that now I don't have to wait. If you need a break, that's one thing, but it sounds like you just feel like you should? I don't know. It's up to you, obviously, but I believe in doing everything possible, and then letting go and believing. So me? I wouldn't wait. But whatever you choose I'm sure will be right for you, and they say: Everything works out in the end. If it's not alright, it's not the end :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope its false too. I don't think Im going to break yet either. The deductible is a very good point. Plus Im pretty sure after two more cycles they will want to change my protocol again and make me break anyway. I hope to not get there, but I think I will continue moving forward with the next cycle.

      Delete
  2. Oh Kasey :( I'm so sorry. I know how much seeing that BFN hurts! I'm in the same place with not knowing when to take a break. I wanted to after this past cycle, then as it got closer to beta day, I decided that I'd do one more medicated cycle then take a couple month break. I think I need to do it more for my mental health then anything else, but I also wonder what if I'm missing the month that would be my perfect month. It's so hard to know what to do! I'm sure it's even harder for you since you aren't sure about your future insurance. I'll be praying that you can come to the decision that gives you the most peace, and that you have strength to keep going if that's what you decide to do. Hang in there Kasey! Thinking of you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know what your feeling Kristine. Thinking of you too. I think I will be able to make a choice on the matter once they do my beta or my period comes. I really am hoping my period just shows up without another beta draw and getting another phone call to be told its negative. I hate that.

      Delete
  3. I'm so sorry! I am still going to stay hopeful for you! Sending lots of love and hugs your way!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Lisa~ I was negative again today.. thanks for the hugs only time will tell!

      Delete
  4. I think when continuing to try negatively impacts your life MORE than being infertile does (at least for that moment in time), you take the break. Because getting everything you ever wanted while you're miserable doesn't help. That's my two cents.

    I so sorry it was a negative.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Mel thats great advice. I just feel like its mentally important to take a break every now and then, but I think Im good to go for the next cycle now and maybe my body will answer my questions for me.

      Delete
  5. Hoping you get a nice surprise and won't need to even do another cycle. If you do though, go with what feels right for you and your hubby both. I will say, as someone with zero fertility coverage, that if someone told me I was magically granted even just three months of coverage, I would choose that over a run any day. It's definitely not fun paying for this stuff OOP. You've gotta do what's right for you though! I think so many of us struggle with what moves to make but your heart will tell you LOUD AND CLEAR if it's time for a break. And if it does, listen to it. Sounds like you have a couple days to sleep on it, pray on it, and discuss with hubby. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Emily me too. You raise a good point I have no idea what the new year will bring and I should use that insurance for all its worth since it really is so amazing. I do have some more time to think about it.

      Delete
  6. I am hoping that its just too early for you. I've tested negative before on a HPT & same day positive on a FRER.

    You ultimately have to do what's right for you. Only you can choose, but having fertility coverage could make things easier for you in the long run. I think I would use the coverage I have now & sign up for a run after you get preggo & have the kid.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You very right. I would love to do the run with my friends but I really am okay sitting that out. Its more so how I feel mentally and what my body needs. I think I am going to move forward as long as my body is ready to move forward- No cysts or anything and such.

      Delete
  7. Choosing when to take a break is so tough and emotion-laden and different for each person. Though our circumstances are not the same, I can relate to so much of what you've got going on in terms of having to factor in the logistics and worrying about your age and all the rest of it. I do think there were a few times when I had to break the wheels just because of sheer (emotional and physical) exhaustion. It's not like you actually *ever* stop thinking about the ttc stuff, but for me it was about getting some mental space from worrying about what goes in my body, over-thinking every little twinge and the agony/anticipation of each two week wait...None of this crap is easy, but I am wishing you peace with whatever you decide is right for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. I think thats what is more than anything. Its so hard to schedule everything around work and to keep on living. I feel run down and sad today.. I hope peace finds me over the next few days as well.

      Delete
  8. Always thinking positive for you! <3

    ReplyDelete
  9. Thinking about you Kasey. I LOVE this picture you posted - so true! His ways are so much higher than ours!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So glad to see you back Caroline hope your trip was wonderful!!

      Delete