Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Happy ICLW~ August

Good morning fellow ICLW's. If you are not familiar with ICLW you should check it out. The premise is that comments are the new hugs and basically we're spreading some hugs- check it out here.

Some back story about me- DH (Rob) and I met in 2007 and were married in May of 2010. Rob is 10 years older than me and we knew we wanted to have kids right away. In October of 2010 I went off my BCP for a tonsillectomy and we decided to start trying after I recovered from surgery. Thus started a much longer journe
y into parenthood then we ever could have imagined. 

November 2010 was my first full month off BCP in about 10 years. We went on a trip with friend to the Dominican Republic and when we returned home I never got my period. I thought I was pregnant already- naturally- and bought every pregnancy test known to man. They all were negative but I still had no period and at that point I was almost two month late. I researched with good old Google and found those stories of women who never got a positive pregnancy test and still were pregnant. At that point I called my ob/gyn and he sent me for a beta. I found out later that day I was not pregnant. 

In February 2011 my period finally returned. It was awful and long and awful. Did I mention awful? I contacted my ob/gyn who told me that my body just needed to adjust to being off the BCP after being on it my entire adult life. He told me if we were serious about having kids than I should get my health in order and lose weight. I have been overweight basically all my life. This time in my life was the heaviest I ever was- naturally I was what I like to refer to as "fat and happy". 

In May 2011 we celebrate our 1 year anniversary on a magical trip to Disney. During our trip we discuss how we thought we would be pregnant by now and decide to work on getting healthy as a family. We decide that when we get home we will get really serious lose weight and be serious about TTC. Not that we weren't serious before- but this started the temping and OPK's and obsessing over the internet. 

In September 2011 I returned to my ob/gyn for my annual Pap. I was down 30lbs, but still dealing with long periods followed by short periods. My ob/gyn called me with the Pap results and it was found that I had abnormal cells and they needed to do more tests to make sure they were not cancerous. An entire new journey began for a year to make sure I did not have cancer. Some "cancerous like" cells were detected and I underwent a multitude of tests and a cervical scraping to get rid of any abnormal cells that were left. The experience was traumatizing and I spent a year in and out of the ob/gyn having tests and blood work and repeat Pap smears. 

It was not until my next annual appointment in September 2012 that I was told I definitely did not have cancer and that the cells were just abnormal. I had another Pap done at that time and they gave me the all clear to continue TTC. We left the office relieved and worried that something else was wrong. We left with a script for HSG and SA for DH.

In October of 2012 I had my HSG. They told me I had what they thought was scar tissue in my fallopian tubes. They were able to clear it with the pressure of passing the dye. Everything else is clear. Robs SA came back with great numbers and my ob/gyn says in the months after an HSG you are more likely to get pregnant. We grab more OPKs and are still expecting the best. 

In the months that follow literally everyone around us falls pregnant. I don't want this to sound like we are mad or upset with them at all. We are extremely happy for our friends and family. It does weigh on us though. Why not us? Why not yet? What more do we need to do? 

In January 2013 I make an appointment with the local RE. We have a ton of blood work and tests. 

Basically I have recently been diagnosed with A-typical PCOS- I do ovulate, but not all the time. I have weird cycles, but I can also have normal cycles. They can be long, they can be short, and they can be right on time. I have high testosterone and DHEAS and low progesterone. I am started on Dexamethasone .25mg every day to help with the male hormones that are high in my system. 

In April 2013 we do a Clomid 100mg cycle with IUI- BFN, possible I didn't ovulate my progesterone was very low. 
In May 2013 we do a Clomid 150mg cycle with IUI, definitely ovulated but my progesterone is still very low. 
In June 2013 we do a Clomid 150mg cycle with IUI and Progesterone after ovulation- BFN Progesterone comes back great, but still not pregnant. 

July 2013 we come up with a new plan of starting injectables and I start fertility acupuncture. I want to get my mind settled and help with some of the emotions I am feeling.

That brings us right here to August. We are in the middle of a Menopur Cycle and praying that one of my follicles matures. 

This journey has been long and full of emotions. It has wrecked havoc on some friendships and it has also garnered new friendships. My faith has been strengthened and I have prayed more over the last few years than I have during my lifetime. 

I know that there is something more that we have yet to see from this struggle and someday we will understand it all. For now I am working on keeping my faith and marriage strong and working towards our future whatever it may hold. We both know we want to be parents and we will do whatever we have to in order to reach that goal. 

Rob recently lost his job and the stress has been rough on us. I think our marriage is stronger now than it was when things were easy and carefree. We are currently in the process of assessing our life here in New Jersey and contemplating a major move away. 

I've been leaning on my bloggy friends for support and I am so glad I have you all here for me when I am stressed or sad or worried or just plain crazy. This community is amazing and if you haven't joined in yet and are just lurking- trust me- these people will help pick you up when you are down. Im lucky to call you guys my friends and have you on this journey with me. 

So happy ICLW and welcome to Stupid Broken Eggs <3


  1. Hey there, what a journey thus far! Hang in there lady!

  2. Keep your faith and marriage strong are the two most important things in this whole journey!!! Awesome job on the weight loss - and I had an abnormal pap and I'm dealing with everything from that still, no bueno! Glad yours is all clear now and you can move forward with the TTC!!!!!

    1. The abnormal pap was such an awful and traumatic experience. I hope yours clears up soon! I think at this point Faith and my Husband is what keeps me going most of the time. And all of you guys being a virtual shoulder of course :)

  3. From ICLW... it's such a bumpy ride, isn't it? You have a lot on your plate- ttc, job loss, contemplating a big move... be sure to take care of yourself during this stressful time. Hang in there...

    1. Thank you and thanks for stopping by. Sometimes its important just to sit back and enjoy the little things with so many big things going on.

  4. Hi from ICLW!
    Please hang in there! All the best in your journey! Great that your abnormal pap turned out okay:)

  5. My jouney is very different... And yet I so relate to the amazing support I've received from those who read my blog... Whether they can personally relate or no. I'm glad you have this outlet and support!!

    1. I agree I think having this outlet has kept me sane for the most part :)