We made it!!
Everything went great today- I have 10 follicles that should be mature enough to have eggs once retrieved, with the chance of a few more catching up also being possible. That was our goal- so I feel very good. I feel like my body pulled through.
Tonight I will do a double trigger shot of Ovidrel and 450 IU of Gonal-F for the last push to mature the eggs at 10:30 pm. I will also start a Z-pack today. Menopur and Ganirelex are discontinued at this point.
At midnight tomorrow night I will be NPO (nothing by mouth..) and then Thursday we should arrive at the IVF clinic at 10:30 to prep me for retrieval. Tomorrow I will explain more about the actual retrieval process.
Today I'm feeling all kinds of emotions all at once- peace, excitement, nervousness, happy.. I'm just so very ready :)
We are suppose to get hit with a snow storm today into tonight- 8-12 inches planned to fall. I already hit the grocery store after my appointment today and grabbed some goodies to get us through not only the storm but the weekend so I can relax as long as need be and not have to worry about it.
I feel like we are all set and ready and things are coming together perfectly.I really can't wait till we get to hear about how our embryo's are growing. Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts during this entire process. I still feel pretty good physically and my only complaint is the overwhelming fatigue. However I will take the fatigue ten times over if it means a healthy baby at the end of all of this.
Yesterday the women of my church met and at the end we all prayed for different things in one an-others lives. As my good friend prayed over me and my body and the journey that we have been on the tears started to fall from my eyes and I couldn't hold in the sadness. It felt so good to release anything I had been holding in.
There was more there though than sadness. Listening to my friend pray this beautiful prayer over me helped bring me even more peace-- and even though I was outwardly crying inwardly I could feel the love wrapping around me.
To hear someone who has watched you on your journey pray for you and speak over you from their point of view is a beautiful thing. I think often times we are our own worst critics. We see our very worst moments on the highlight reels-- but other's don't see that in us. To hear a different highlight reel-- to hear her pray over me and to have these women hold onto me tightly as I cried-- it was a perfect moment.
My friend said this- "What happens when we cry to our Daddy's? We normally get what we need to make us feel better. Crying to our Father in Heaven surely means he will help to heal those tears. He hears you. He is going to give you comfort."
I know that God doesn't always answer prayers exactly how we see fit. Typically God answers prayers by opening other doors or presenting things to us in a different light.
I can't help but think that he has been answering my prayers while building my faith during this journey-- just not the way I thought he would. I thought we would have a baby by now- that's what I prayed for after all, but instead we have developed friend ships and relationships that would have never came to us if we hadn't been on this journey.
Our baby has been prayed over time and time and time again. Our baby is already loved by so many people and so incredibly blessed. And our baby is not even here on this earth yet. That is a beautiful thing.
During this journey our faith has been tested and instead of turning away we have set off to make our faith stronger. My goal for this year isn't to become a mother- its to continue to become a stronger Christian. To become a strong Christian Wife. And then ultimately become a strong Christian Mother.
If it wasn't for this journey I'm not sure if those would have been my goals. This journey has given me so much hope. So much love. So many friendships. And while there were certainly moments where I cried out why. Now I understand the answers to that. If he would have answered all those prayers -- if IUI 1 would have worked or we were able to conceive on our own-- we wouldn't have been on this journey. We wouldn't be here.
I wouldn't have met all of you.
It wouldn't be this baby, because I truly feel like our baby is here this time.
And if this isn't the answer yet-- God will show me why and when. If he has something else planned someday I will understand.
For now- I stay in a place of total peace and understanding. For now I pray for the doctors and nurses who preform my surgery to have steady hands and retrieve my follicles without too much effort. I pray that our embryos grow healthy and strong and that the embryologist watches over them all just as their Mother would. I pray that God watches over Rob and I during this all and keeps us wrapped safely in his arms.
I'll leave you with a line to a Garth Brooks song--
"Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers!"