My follicle scan showed 7 follicles under 10mm on the right ovary and 5 follicles under 10mm on the left ovary. The thing is Friday I have 6 follicles under 10mm on each ovary. Don't get me wrong- I'm super content with 7 & 5, but after 4 days of medication I was hoping for a touch of growth. She didn't mention my lining at all. At least not out loud.
I think the real reason I felt so unsure was that I saw an APN I have never seen before. She wasn't very welcoming and she turned the monitor away from me so I couldn't see. I wanted to reach out and turn it back. She also inserted the vaginal probe without warning. Most of my doctors will say- "You'll feel my touch now.." I don't know I guess I really did not like her. At all. I wanted her to just say everything is going well. She really didn't say much of anything. In fact I felt like maybe I was taking up her valuable time today. I think I would have left the appointment with an entire different outlook had I had seen one of the other APN's or Doctors. I don't know exactly what it was-- but I didn't like it.
I've never done this before. How about some words to tell me its going fine. Or I am doing well. Instead she just said continue with the Menopur and Gonal-F at the same doses unless they call and tell me otherwise and hold off on the Ganirellex. I'm hormonal and sad and tired and seriously you are the doctor and you know the emotional toll that this takes on us so how about reaching out and being the doctors. How about telling me things are normal or not normal. Gah. I think that is why I am frustrated most of all.
Thankfully my favorite RN pulled me aside. I think I wear my emotions on my face and I am pretty sure she could see me about to burst into tears. Remember I am on an emotional roller coaster to begin with, so ya I probably would handle news like this a touch better if I wasn't so hormoned up. My RN told me slow and steady is good. She reassured me that things are going well and told me to stay positive. She told me that Thursday we will be able to see more.
I hope she walked out of the room and punch the APN in the throat.
Okay, okay- maybe that's another hair tie moment. In stead I hope maybe she explained to the APN that women like me need to just know that its okay. Maybe she was able to use it as a teaching moment and maybe the next women that walks in the office has a better experience with that APN.
I return Thursday for another scan and I really hope to see some growth. I have had cycles in the past where I stimmed for many many many days and had no growth and then all of a sudden they caught up. So
So I'm just not sure how I feel. I feel like I could burst into tears instantaneously, but I'm not sure why I would be crying. I feel happy that there are 12 little follicles working and growing inside me. I feel excited that things are going okay. I feel discouraged that the APN wasn't what I was looking for. I feel encouraged because of my RN who lifted my spirits.
I feel like I want a nap and a Hershey Kiss.
As an update to side effects- my belly has started to bruise a lot. I'm not sure if I hit a blood vessel or just a super sensitive spot last night, but what are normally small little bruises are giant big ugly bruises. My breast a super tender and I swear a cup size larger. My belly feels tender as well and if you would have asked me which ovary was being an overachiever before my scan I would have said the left side because I swear I can feel it expanding in there.
All in all these are things I can totally deal with and I am in no way, shape, or form complaining.
Thursday will be better. Thursday I will have a better experience and will know more and my nurses and doctors and APN's will be understanding and caring. Thursday will be better.