Hello My Loves!

It has been awhile since I've updated. I'm so sorry for that, but life has been hectic and crazy lately. There is so much to update you all on, but most important is that the babies and I have reached 22w4d today and are healthy and happy! Some of the important things to catch you all up on-

-We are being blessed with two little boys <3 <3 Jonathan Carmine and Robert Joseph Jr<3

- For 16 weeks I suffered from hyperemesis (aka vomitting a alot), and only gained 2lbs so far in my pregnancy. Thankfully even with only a 2lb gain our boys are measuring 13oz and 11oz (as of our 20week scan) which is right on target with a singleton pregnancy!

-We are all still healthy with no complications.

-I am still working full time and even pulling some overtime hours here and there

Thank you all for checkin in on us and keeping up today<3 It means a lot that people are always thinking and praying for us! I promise to do a better job of keeping everyone up to date :) xoxo

13w5d -and seeing our Littles

Good Morning my sweet friends! 

I had the most amazing day yesterday. It was our elective ultra sound for week 14 (just a few days shy) at a local place called Bellysimo. We decided that since we had a long time between seeing  the babies at week 11 till week 20 that we would go to Bellysimo and do their "Angle of The Dangle" scan. At around week 14 they will guess the gender of your baby(ies) based on the genital tublular growth. Early on it will either point upwards -indicating a boy, or downwards -indicating a girl. Then we get to return at week 17 or 18 for them to tell us the genders for sure.

We got our guesses yesterday and they were pretty positive they knew what both Baby A and Baby B are. We are keeping it a secret until we return for our week 17 ultrasound. Mainly because our parents are going to come to that ultrasound and we want them to be surprised -so only Rob and I get to know for now. 

When we walked in for our ultra sound  there was a card waiting for us. In the card many of our friends and coworkers had left us an amazing surprise- a gift card to cover our ultra sounds and enough money left over for a spa session or another ultra sound even. 

When I found out who's idea it was to put together the gift card and leave it for us there I text her and thanked her. That's when she told me the most amazing thing. She said that she woke up in the morning and knew it was something she had to do so she didn't think it was a gift from her or even her idea- she felt like God told her to do it. 

How amazing and special is that? It brought tears to my eyes even before I got to see the babies. To know so many people- so many of our friends- are thinking of us and supporting us in our journey.  It was just such a special gift. I couldn't say thank you enough, because truly there really aren't words available to describe how I felt. Speechless. 

Below I will share a couple pictures from our ultra sound and talk about the babies more- so if you aren't in a good place no worries. Take a look at these beautiful flowers. Here in Jersey we got some snow and ice over night in the middle of April, so if you are experiencing weather anything like we are you could use some flowers right now! 

Here they are! My littles. Baby A was reaching out to grab Baby B's hand in this one. The photo is a little grainy, but you can clearly see there little hands reaching for one another. We got to see that they have all of their fingers- and that Baby B is a thumb sucker. 

 Baby A is a little less cooperative. As you can see here- Baby A is butt up while Baby B is sitting pretty. Baby A would roll over, curl their legs up and then unleash massive kicks on their sibling. Baby B would just sit there and keep sucking their thumb like nothing was happened. 

I will say that the 3d/4d ultra sound this early shows images that only a mother can love. Their faces slightly resemble that of the predator. I still thought they were adorable even when Baby B turned and seemingly looked at us and smiled. 

I really can't wait to see them again in 3 weeks and see just how much they have grown. May 7th is our next ultra sound and that is when I will let you all know what they are :) 

We are so excited and blessed to have these two littles as a part of our life. We really couldn't be happier <3

Just Checking In

Long time no talk :) 

All is good here. We are hanging tough and dare I say starting to feel a bit better. I've been in a bit of a fog lately- between constant nausea and fatigue I haven't spent much time online. When I am feeling better I have been trying to be present in everyday life.

We had an OB appointment yesterday- and after a two hour wait- yes a two hour wait!! I got to hear the babies heart beats- Baby A is still much faster than Baby B and I am still convinced its a Girl and a Boy. My BP was perfect at 112/70 -and that was after waiting forever to be seen. I am now down 10lbs instead of 12lbs so I have started to gain some that I have lost back which is good. All my labs came back good as well. So far we are doing just great as we enter into the second trimester. 

My APN told me it won't be long before I may start to feel movement. The babies are currently right on top of one another so she said I should start to feel flutters and sensations soon.

DH and I have scheduled an elective Ultra Sound at a place near us. Its called "The Angle of The Dangle" and we will have two ultra sounds done. Our first is next week as we enter week 14 and they will do a 3d/4d ultra sound and guess the babies genders. The lady I spoke with said that their guesses are normally 90-95% accurate. After that ultra sound they will schedule a return appointment for us to come back and do a second ultra sound and at that appointment they will know the genders for sure. Also at that appointment we plan to bring our parents along since they have a viewing area so we can all find out together. 

We're starting our diaper stockpile as well. So far we have 432 newborn diapers, 476 size 1, and 260 size 3. We also have 2400 wipes stockpiled. The grandparents have gotten in on the diaper stockpile fun and every time they go out they also grab diapers and pile them up at their homes as well.

We've started to plan the lay out of the nursery- but are holding off on designing it until we know what the babies are. Which won't be too long now :) 

I hope you are all doing well. I've been reading and thinking of you all, but will probably continue my internet hiatus a bit longer. 

Can't wait to check in next week and tell you what the guess are! What do you guys think?? 

New OB and MFM

Yesterday was our first visit with the new OB and it was 360 degrees different from the last OB. The appointment last just over an hour- compared to the last OB appointment which lasted -oh maybe a half hour. I only waited to be taken back for about 15 minutes. Once they took me to the back a nurse sat down with me and did intake. She did all of my vitals, went over all of my medical history, discussed all of my fertility treatments, discussed the babies, and discussed the OB's office in general. It was probably about 45 minutes of intake alone. 

Then I met with the midwife who did a full body examination- including pelvic exam and breast exam. Everything went perfectly. The midwife added extra calcium and extra iron to my supplements. I won't be starting the iron supplementation until my stomach gets a little better. 

I have another appointment in two weeks and until my stomach gets under control and I start to gain weight instead of lose weight they will follow my every two weeks. I also have a early glucose tolerance test scheduled for four weeks from now- about 15 weeks pregnant. The reason for the early testing is my PCOS and the fact that PCOS can affect the way your body metabolizes glucose. 

It was a wonderful appointment and I am so glad I went with my gut and switched to a different practice. They deliver at the hospital I work for and they are thorough and caring. It makes me feel so much safer for both the babies and I. 

After my OB appointment I went to Maternal Fetal Medicine and met with the high risk doctor and had an amazing ultra sound. MFM was PACKED. We waited almost an hour prior to being seen, but its not like they rushed us when we were in the back for our appointment. They took so much time and pointed out so many things- even that Baby B had a full belly which shows that the baby is swallowing and eating just fine. We got to see the babies arms and legs and even ears. 

First my first baby- Swishy was hanging out with me before my appointments. Swishy is also way over the snow and cold and refused to come out from under the covers :) 

Now for some ultra sound photos. As always if you aren't in the right place right now there is nothing wrong with looking away. Feel better- enjoy a cup of tea, or wine if that's an option, put your feet up, read a good book, and enjoy some sunshine (if you aren't in the Northeast). Sending you love no matter what <3

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Baby A 10w6d-- girl??

Baby A is hanging out on the right side. I personally think Baby A is a girl. She was super cooperative and her heart rate was 184. She's growing just perfectly and was moving her arms and legs around. 
 

Baby B 10w6d --Boy??

Baby B is on my left and a lot less cooperative. Baby B was doing somersaults and stretching out all over the place. Baby B's heart rate was 154 and growing just perfectly as well. I feel like Baby B is a boy. 

It was so amazing to see them look like little humans. To see how much they grew in just a few weeks and to see them moving all over the place. We don't go back to MFM until the end of May. I have opted out of sequential screening. They are both looking perfect and it does not matter to my husband or I what a sequential screening shows. 

Our reasoning for this is worth sharing. One of our very best friends has a 19 year old, 100% healthy son. He sings and acts and runs and when we have barbeque's he eats more than anyone else at the table. There is nothing wrong with him, but at our friends sequential screening she was told that his heart had not developed properly and she should abort him. Our friends is a women of faith and she prayed and prayed and never felt peace about aborting her baby. So she didn't and 9 months later she delivered her son. They whisked him away to a children's specialty hospital after he was born -alive-- because they thought there was something terribly wrong with his heart. Only there was nothing wrong with his heart. He was healthy. A miracle. Our friend still has the doctors reports saying that her baby should have never been born alive- let alone a healthy 19 year old young man. To me it doesn't matter what the screening shows because I believe in miracles.

At our end of May appointment we will be able to find out the genders. My husband and I have decided to do elective ultra sounds at a place near us. One at around 14 weeks where they guess the genders and then another one at 17/18 weeks where they guarantee the genders. There is a small viewing area and we will be inviting our parents to the 17/18 week ultra sound to be there with us when we find out. 

So far we are all doing great and we keep praying that they keep growing perfectly. I am so happy with my medical team right now and I feel like the babies and I are in perfectly capable hands.

Take a Moment- Pray for Kai & Family

I woke up and read the saddest news- sweet Kai - our dear fellow blogger Caroline from In Due Time's-- nephew passed away after his battle with cancer last night. 

Kai's Caring Bridge Page

I just wanted to take a moment and pray for the family. Pray for their comfort and for them to know that Kai is no longer feeling any pain. Pray for Kai's sweet little sister as she is so very young. Pray that they can feel the love from all of their friends and family surrounding them and lifting them up during this most difficult time. 

Pray that in this lifetime there will be a cure for childhood cancer so more children and their families don't have to suffer.

Caroline and family please know that my families heart and love goes out to you and your family.  If there is anything we can do to help honor Kai- we're here <3 

Goodbye Best Winter Ever

I've been somewhat in hiding lately. No news is good news as they like to say. 

Truth is I've been feeling pretty crummy. I've been trying to grab this pregnancy by the horns and celebrate every second of it. I'm afraid to complain about all the issues I've been having for fear of coming off as ungrateful. 

I started to write an entire post about all the crummy that has been going on- but what is the point really? Even if I am feeling crummy- what does writing about crumminess do for my psyche? Or the psyche of others for that matter?  Nada, zilch, nothing. Complaining is surely not going to make it go away.

Instead on this last day of winter I wanted to celebrate. I am truly glad to kiss winter goodbye. I'm not a fan of cold, snow, or ice. I am a fan of my garden, flowers and sunshine. 

Still with this being one of the snowiest, most bipolar, coldest, polar vortexing winters of all time I can still standby and celebrate it. Much like my pregnancy being filled with nausea, vomiting, and constipation- I can still totally celebrate it. 

So three cheers for this winter. Three cheers for the winter that brought us to this pregnancy. Three cheers for these little babies who let me know they are with me always. 

I am truly looking forward to Spring and all that comes with it and all that it promises, but sad to say goodbye to the best winter of my life <3 

My First OB Appt and Finding a New OB

I had my first OB appointment on Wednesday. I have seen my gyn doctor all my life- in fact he even delivered me, but recently he stopped doing deliveries his self since he is getting older. He recommended me to another doctor in his practice and I saw her on Wednesday and it could not have gone more wrong. 

First Impression- the nurse takes me to the OB side of the office takes my BP and weight and then starts asking questions. Now my RE sent all of my paper work and information regarding the babies and our IVF cycle to the office at my request. The nurse asked for the date of my last period and then when I told her it was January she said- "So you never got your period last month?" 

Uh, no. Didn't you read my file? I responded politely with an "I'm pregnant, so no thankfully." As if that wasn't bad enough she took my husband and I back to a room and left me sitting there without any instruction. There was a gown on the table- "Do I put this on?" My husband just looked at me quizzically. He didn't know. I didn't know. Then she came back and told me she needed me to switch rooms.

My first impression at this point was confusion and that I so far was not thrilled with the nursing staff. No warm welcome. No one read my chart. No instructions- just not a good warm fuzzy feeling at all. 

Then the doctor came back and we quickly realized this was not going to be the right fit for us. First and foremost she would not deliver a twin pregnancy and would refer me to an out of network hospital. It was then that the major bombshell was dropped- they are no longer associated nor do they do deliveries at the hospital I work for. The hospital system I have insurance under. 

You would think that when making my appointment and seeing my insurance a red flag would have went up and someone would have made mention that they were no longer in network. 

The doctor herself was very nice, but there is no way I am paying out of pocket for delivery. No way. 

Further more they had my due date wrong- but kept telling me I was further along than I am and basically not listening to what I was saying. I know where I am- its my body and I have followed along every single step of the way so as your patient I would love it if someone would listen to what I was saying. 

It was determined that this doctor was not the right fit for us pretty much right away and we made that known. We weren't rude about it, but I need to stay in network and I need to trust and feel safe with my doctors. I also want my voice heard. 

Thankfully it wasn't all a waste of time- they did provide me with a new medication to help combat the morning sickness. The medication is called Diclegis and I am only on day two of taking it. I can't say its been working honestly. So far I have still vomited both days- the good thing is that I can increase to additional tablets daily to help out, which I will probably do tomorrow if I still have no relief.

The other thing the doctor did was provide me with a blood work slip to help me get things started. I had my blood work done yesterday (the fiasco that was could be an entire other blog entry, but lets just say it was not easy.) 

I also came directly home from my OB appointment and found a new OB. He is a high risk doctor and associated with my hospital system. He is highly recommended by a few friends and is known to play it safe. Sounds like my type of guy. I will see his midwife in two weeks and go from there. 

Hopefully this is a much better fit for me and the babies. 

On Finding Your Religion

-Everything is super fantastic with me and the twins right now. Nothing really to report there- no more bleeding since the one incident last week and the worst morning sickness yet had hit me starting on Friday and has stuck around ever since. Trust me I am not complaining- I've never embraced morning sickness as much as I am right now- to me it means that my babies are growing and are getting bigger and stronger, so every time I hang my head into a sink, toilet, or other vomit catching receptacle I know that my body is doing just what its suppose to do. This is not to say I wouldn't mind some relief so that I can eat some. My one worry at this point is that I am down just over 12lbs since finding out I was pregnant. I'm overweight right now anyway, but I don't want to continue to lose weight. My goal this week is to work on eating what I can, when I can, but not skipping over meals. Our first appointment with our new OB is Wednesday- I hope I get to see my little ones again :)

Last night while I was praying I was thinking a lot about my old church. The church I grew up in. We have recently found a new church near us and felt very at home there, but I couldn't help but miss my small town church last night. It also got me thinking to how I found my religion.

When I was born  I was very premature and my Great Grand-father was a strong Catholic. He believed that if I wasn't Christened and something happened to me I would go to hell. So my Great Grand-father came to the hospital and had me Christened his self. My Mom was raised as a devout Catholic and my Father a not as devout Baptist. My brother and I were brought up to believe in God, but no strict religion. 

In fact my parents and their best friends baptized me after I came home in a cedar water creek near our home themselves. Once I was old enough I started attending Sunday school on my own and stayed with my little church for many years. Religion was something I was always drawn to.

I grew up in a small town conservative Baptist Church. It was quiet for the most part, but something that I liked is that Pastor knew me. Everyone knew me. Part of me misses that. Part of me doesn't feel like this new church is the exact fit for us and I think that is what is missing- the small town feel that I grew up with. 
 
Our new church is big and loud and has multiple services a day- and while I am becoming more involved and meeting lots of new people that attend the service I normally attend- I still can't help but feel like I am lost in the crowd there. Its by no fault of their own- in fact its amazing that this new church has so many members and is large and I like the loud music -it draws you in and gives me a chance to sing- something I love, but not something I get to do regularly. (ps I have no voice and I sing completely out of key, but my lord loves when I sing to him regardless!) 


What I don't miss from the small town church is the judgemental feel of everyone knowing you. When I was a teenager and I messed up big time the entire church knew. There were no secrets. I think that is part of the reason I never went back.

Then that led me to think about messing up and making mistakes. I'm flawed- in fact we all our. I have said things I shouldn't have said, done things I am not proud of, have a past that was rocky, lost myself more than once- all this being said is it best to proclaim our faults? Shout them out to the world? 

World I am flawed and here are all my mistakes and my transgressions? 

Or is it perfectly okay to keep quiet and know your own faults. Apologize when you should and move forward with your life. Isn't that what we should do? Isn't that what God wants us to do? After all if he forgives me for my sins- isn't that enough? 


I guess I was feeling really good about the new church, but I really do miss the small town feel that a smaller church can give. All these feelings have me left wondering if this new church really is the perfect set up for our little family... or if I just need to keep pushing and finding to right place and the right fit.

How did you seek and find a new church? What were things you looked for? 

And Then My Husband Told The World

He of course asked me first- but he couldn't keep our secret anymore and today he announced our blessings on Facebook with this post- 

Kasey and I are extremely happy and excited to announce that Kasey is pregnant!!! Even better than that, we are going to have twins. We were able to hear both heartbeats and are both doing very well. We ask that your keep Kasey and the babies in your thoughts and prayers as it is still early and we have a long road ahead of us. We feel truly blessed for these miracles and that we can share it with our family and friends!!!!

Kind of a strange time to tell the world since just a day ago I thought I was going to lose the babies due to our bleeding scare. The more I heard from everyone, the more common I saw that bleeding really is. I am extremely thankful that the bleeding has not returned and am continuing to take it easy. 

I think Rob announcing to our friends and family on the internet shows our faith that things are going to go just find. It also helps to know that we have added to the amazing web of people who are praying for us daily. Our faith will keep us strong- yes it will! But the faith of others praying for us will surely help to strengthen us even more! 

I added this on my page as well -

- I couldn't possibly thank everyone enough for all of your out pouring of love and prayers over Rob, The Babies, and I. I'm so thankful for the amazing friends and family we have and those that we continue to make. The babies are so incredibly blessed and loved already. Rob and I (and all the Grandparents!) are incredibly excited and over the moon happy for this blessing 


-And I just wanted to add a special note to any of you who are silently suffering as you endure the unbelievably painful battle with infertility and/or loss, please know you are forever in my prayers. I know that sometimes pregnancy announcements can come as hard blows, but please know you are not alone and miracles do come true♥

Admittedly I had copied what Liz from Wishing on A Snowflake had written during their Facebook reveal and edited it some. (Hope you don't mind Liz, your words were perfection for what I wanted to say!)

For today- we are so very thankful <3 

And Then I Started Bleeding

I know for some women this may bring back memories of awful things gone wrong. Please no worries if you want to look away. I will preface my entire post by saying so far everything is okay for the peanuts and I, but that certainly does not make it less terrifying.

Yesterday was my first day back to work after 16 days off. Not that they were quiet days off- it was Disney World. I walked miles and miles and for the most part felt pretty good. My full time job is as a 911 Dispatcher- yes high stress- however I remain seated for the majority of my days. 

Yesterday was no different then any other day at work. It was filled with moments of stress and followed by down time. We were busy, but I wouldn't rank it as a bad day- other than it was very difficult to stay awake for the entire shift. 

I did it though. I made it to the end of my shift and it was time to clock out. On my way a coworker and my boss got into a tiff about his call outs. I wasn't involved, but it did upset me that it was happening right there on my way to clock out. I made it to the time clock and then stopped at the bathroom since I can't make it all the way home without having to pee. 

Coincidentally a coworker that I haven't seen in awhile stopped me while I tried to enter the rest rooms and after some small talk actually asked me if I was "knocked up yet". First off- I hate that term "knocked up" and second why do people think its okay to ask. I joked a bit with him and he told me to "keep on trying its the best part." 

Side note- anyone that thinks that trying it the "best part" has never actually tried to get pregnant or in his eloquent, but probably well meaning word "knocked up."

I noticed right away- bright red blood in my panty liner (I'm wearing liners due to the Crinonine). The liner was pretty well soaked through, but as I wiped there wasn't any more bright red blood- it was more brownish and rust colored and there wasn't too much. I was paralyzed with fear. You aren't supposed to bleed while pregnant. Bleeding is bad. My heart pretty much stopped and I sucked in a deep breath as a million and one scenarios ran through my brain. 

First I wasn't cramping so that was a good sign, but it was bright red and that was a bad sign. Then more obscure thoughts passed through my mind- they don't have names yet- they need names. And this can't be happening. Then I started to pray.

I left work and got into my car and text my best friend. She told me to calm down and take some deep breaths and that while its scary she had bleeding in her second pregnancy and everything turned out just fine. She asked about cramping and how I was feeling and then told me to call my doctor to be sure they know. 

Since I am in the process of leaving the RE and moving forward with my OB I am sort of in between doctors. I called my RE though since I have yet to even see my OB. I left a message on the nurse triage line and really didn't expect to hear from them until this morning since there was nothing they really were going to be able to do anyway. 

I got home and my husband asked how my day was. I meekly told him about the bleeding and how I called the doctors office and was hoping for a call back. We both decided neither one of us wanted to make dinner- heck I barely wanted to eat dinner- in fact I really just wanted to throw up. Instead I made a bowl of Apple Jacks and picked at them- finally just drinking the milk and calling it a night. 

As I was about to go upstairs to lay in bed my doctors office called. One of my nurses was on the line and she asked a lot of questions about how I was feeling and what type of bleeding. So told me that since it was turning rust colored and brownish that it lead her to believe that it was old blood now and that while I should be on high alert I should do my best not to stress.  (Hahhaha) She told me that there are lots of causes for bleeding in pregnancy- and especially in the first trimester of a twin pregnancy. Causes listed were a possible UTI, my uterus expanding faster then my body expected, endometrin lining being disrupted.. and so on and so forth. She also went on to say that of course bleeding could be a sign of miscarriage- but not to worry about that unless the bleeding continues or cramping starts. She told me if I continue to bleed, it gets heavy, or I experience cramping to call them today. 

She left me with orders to keep my feet up when possible, try to remain stress free, continue to hydrate, and be sure to continue not to lift anything over 5lbs and avoid exerting myself. 

All in all it sounded like she wasn't too worried and that helped ease my fears some. I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night- I dreamed of lakes of blood and crying very vividly and when I wasn't dreaming I was up praying and thinking of names for the babies. 

This morning I woke up and when I went into the bathroom and right away wanted to check for bleeding- thankfully there was none. Not even a trace. My morning was also met with a healthy dose of morning sickness which I am pretty sure I have never embraced or wanted to feel more. 

I am still terrified. I didn't ever expect to see blood and I surely would be just fine with never seeing blood again. Ever. Hopefully it doesn't return and it was just some random bleeding. I am doing everything I can to remain as calm as humanly possible. 

I just keep praying over the babies and over my body. Praying that my little peanuts are just fine in there and continuing to thrive and grow. Praying that this is only the first of many scares that I am sure over the years that they will give me.

About Telling All the Grandparents

I can't believe I forgot to tell you all about how the reveal with the parents went. On Wednesday- after our ultra sound to confirm that there were two little peanuts growing big and strong- we had my parents over. 

My parents don't have a printer so they needed a few things printed out for them so we invited them over so that we could do that for them. Of course the real reason I waited till Wednesday to have them over was to wait until after our ultra sound to tell them. 

I found these blocks on Etsy and had them shipped to us. 

 When my parents came over I did all of their paperwork and then gave them a bag with a card. Their anniversary had just passed so I told them it was their anniversary present. My Mom loves to talk -and she kept delaying actually opening the present. Rob and I kept looking at each other like "Come on open it up already!!"

When she opened it up it was backwards and facing us so I told her to turn it around and she burst into tears. Then my dad said "Oh no, not a gift that's going to make her cry all day!" That's when my mom handed it to my dad and he promptly burst into tears too. At which time I burst into a fit of hysterics myself. 

The twins first ultra sound photos are separate because they couldn't get a good shot of both of them together so we handed the picture of baby a to my Mom- then Rob said "want to see your other grandchild!" Then Rob handed the picture of baby b to my dad. 

To say everyone was over the moon is an understatement. 

We planned to tell Rob's parents at dinner in Florida the next night, but we knew that the second I declined on wine at our fancy dinner the jig would be up. Plus we were all going to the grocery store before dinner and I needed things like saltines, ginger ale, and goldfish to survive. More clues and we really wanted to try to surprise them. 

I made up a gift bag with the same blocks as above and we told them it was a thank you for letting us stay in the time share at Disney with them. Rob's mom opened it right up and then started to read it out loud. When she got to the "grandparents" line she subsequently also burst into tears. Then I looked over at Rob's dad who was also crying. Cue me crying again.

In fact talking- talking about everyone crying has me crying again. 

We did the same thing with the ultra sound photo's for Rob's parents. When Rob's sister made it in from Arizona Rob simply asked her if she wanted to be called "Aunt or Auntie". For the record she's going with Aunt. 

I think the part that got me the most was our fathers crying. Specifically a moment with Rob's dad where he told me he didn't think he would make it to see his grandchildren.

During our struggle to get pregnant I often thought about our fathers not making it to be Pop-Pops. Both of our Dad's are not exactly the healthiest of people. If Im being honest there were moments where I cried out to God - please, please let them be Pop Pops. I didn't realize they were crying out to God the same prayers.

Thankfully our prayers were answered. I know some people wait to tell their families and others- but in this moment I am so glad that I told our families. In this moment they are all Grandparents and no one can take that away from them.

Home Sweet Home & 7w4d

We're home from an amazing trip to Walt Disney World with my husband and in laws. While we had a wonderful time away I am so glad to be home-- snow and all. We went from 70 and 80 degree weather with shorts and tee shirts to -10 degree wind chills and 6 inches of snow and its still coming down. Mother nature surely is amazing. 

We spent 10 days in Disney- visiting with family and friends and we were pretty much unplugged. I posted a bit on Facebook, but our timeshare didn't have much in the way of service so we were able to really enjoy one another without  the internet or social media to really interrupt our time together. 

I felt okay most of the time- some days of intense nausea and no appetite. A fierce battle with constipation. Fatigue was probably the worst of it though since a lot of Disney is walking around and that seemed to take a lot out of me. All in all it wasn't too bad and I am so thankful for that. 

We visited all of the parks, saw our Godson who lives in Florida, took in the sunshine, saw a preseason baseball game, and spent time together. 

We visited the RE this morning- we had a wonderful update. Both babies are doing wonderful and we got to hear their heartbeats. When my nurses told me I was released to my OB I cried my eyes out. Those ladies were amazing and I am so going to miss them. 

Now for some pictures- at the end there will be some ultra sound photos as well so if you aren't in a good place- and we've all been there- take in the Disney Photos and no worries about skipping the rest <3 

One of my most favorite sights...

Cinderella's Castle on Main Street just prior to the Wishes Fireworks

Beautiful shots of the fireworks show

Add caption

Epcot :) 

My boy missed his mama <3
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Twins first Disney trip :) 

Todays ultra sound photos- 7 weeks 4 days-- we heard two amazing heart beats today <3

Twin A and Twin B in one photo 

Twin A- measuring ahead at 7 weeks 5 days 

Baby A's heart beat163bpm

Baby B -measuring ahead at 8w1d

Baby B's heart beat at 160 bpm

One of Rob's favorite photos from vacation :) 

We are just so incredibly blessed- looking forward to catching up with everyone. I've missed you all and I hope there is lots of good news that I missed while away <3 

And The Ultra Sound Says

We leave for Disney tomorrow so I will be a bit off line -- which also means I will be missing out on ICLW. Ill do my best to read and try to comment, but I don't really plan on writing many- if any- posts while I am away enjoying vacation with the family. 

If this is your first time stopping by Rob and I have been TTC for over 3 years. We've had 6 failed IUI's- 3 attempts with Clomid and 3 attempts with Menopur. I have been diagnosed with PCOS and possible Endometriosis. I never had a final diagnosis on the Endo because we opted out of the lap procedure and went forward with our first IVF. We started the IVF process in the beginning of October with paper work and the particulars and our cycle started at the beginning of January. 

On the 28th of January we had our transfer of 1 AA and 1 AB embryo. On February 3rd I had my first positive HPT and have had wonderful -high even- beta's since then. Today was our first ultra sound and we were praying that we would get to see something. Today I am 5 weeks 6 days. 

I just wanted to say that if you are in the trenches and having a hard time with ultra sound photos or pregnancy announcements or pregnancies that I know that feeling well. It took a long time for me to embrace others pregnancies. So no worries if you aren't in the right place I don't want to cause you any more pain. Please know that I am available to answer questions though and am always here to pray for anyone in pain or that needs an extra thought passed their way. Feel free to email me stupidbrokeneggs@gmail.com. For now keep the faith <3 Good things are coming your way! 

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Without further ado- 

Baby A on Top and Baby B on the bottom

Its twins ya'll!!! Baby A is measuring ahead at 6w4d and Baby B at 6w0d. We are just so incredibly blessed! Over the moon excited!! We can not wait to tell our parents :) 

God is so good! And we are so excited <3 <3

We know that we have a ways to go- that there are things that can happen such as vanishing twin, but we're holding tight to our faith that we are having two babies! 

Thanks for all the love <3 We're heading off to see Mickey Mouse and celebrate in Disney World! 

Tomorrow Tomorrow

Yesterday was my 4th Beta - at 20dp5dt my beta came back at 18,000+. Which is really good. 

Our first ultra sound is scheduled for tomorrow morning! We are so over the moon excited. I'm so glad it's the morning and even more glad they got us in before we leave for Disney on Thursday. 

Once everything goes well tomorrow morning we are going to tell my parents and then when we get to Disney we are going to tell the in laws.

Yesterday was the worst day of nausea, vomiting, and fatigue. When I went in for my blood work the RN commented on my greeness. Thankfully that passed and today I was able to get off the couch. I'm praying it stays this manageable level  of queasiness until we get back from Disney. Once we get back I'll take anything life throws at me.

So tomorrow tomorrow- only a day awayyyy :)

Mixing Fear with Joy

Today at 16dp5dt my beta was 3300+. Which really is just perfect- if not above the curve. I know you can’t go off of beta’s, but between you and I – I think both of my embabies took and are growing in there. I won’t be sad or disappointed if there is only one- but I just feel like there is a really good chance that there are two.

I thought I was all done with beta's and they would schedule my ultra sound today- but my APN called me and said that they want to done one more beta on Monday. My APN was super sweet- she was so excited to be calling me because no one told her I was pregnant. I thought she was going to cry on the phone- which of course made me cry.

I am kind of a bummed about the return for a 4^th beta- but as long as everything is progressing well its okay.

I am now experiencing food aversions along with the nausea. The baby must be mostly vegetarian because even the thought of most meats is repulsive. I told Rob he had to cook all the meats right now- but even . I had some chicken strips for lunch and those were okay- mainly because someone else cooked it and I didn't have to see it raw, but the idea of raw meat... well blech.

So if you have any wonderful vegetarian dishes I should try that are easy on the stomach- please share :)

Other than that I am focusing on eating well and drinking lots of water to stay hydrated.

I think what I am struggling with most is my fear. It seems to grow daily. I'm doing my best to push all of my fears down. Sometimes I don't think that this is real- that I’m not really pregnant at all and there is some mistake. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night in an utter panic - that this is all a dream and that I don’t deserve t his at all. Sometimes when I feel crampy I bolt off to the bathroom expecting to see blood. There are times when I can't breathe because I am so afraid that there won't be a heart beat-- that it’s all a lie or made up. The thoughts just swirl around in my head and I can’t stop them- the best I can do is take a deep breath and attempt to push them away.

Other times I know I am pregnant- Mostly when I am nauseous. I actually welcome nausea right now because it’s reassuring. It reminds me that it’s real and there’s a baby growing that is causing the nausea. Who knew that feeling sick would be so welcoming, but every time I get hit with another wave of nausea I smile and just know that it’s real.

I’m not sure if the fear will ever really go away. Right now I’m afraid that its just not meant to be. That it is some dream in my mind—and then I know once I have my ultrasound and I see the heart beat then I am going to be afraid of not keeping the pregnancy. Once I get out of the safe zone I am going to remember that there really is never a "safe zone". Those bad things do happen all the time to good people. That I have friends that have experienced these awful things.

Fear is such an ugly thing. It robs us of all the good that we could be embracing- and while I work on forgetting the fears and living in the moment I can’t help but feel emotional. I feel emotional for all the other women who know the fear too well. I feel emotional for the Mommy’s with barren arms. I feel emotional that I don’t want to be in their shoes ver. And then I feeling afraid and feeling anything but utter joy. And then I think I may have survivoirs guilt. Why me and not everyone else? Then I feel bad for feeling that and not embracing this blessing even more.

Sometimes I wish that I was naïve. That I didn’t know that babies die; that I didn’t understand things like chemical pregnancies. Other times I try to remember that most babies make it and are born perfectly healthy and happy.

Right now in this moment- I’m a strange mixture of fear and joy. And I am not sure if those feelings will ever subside. But I am trying so hard to focus on joy. Focus on happy.  

Beta # 2 & Sweet Friends

Things are going really-really well. Today was Beta # 2 at 13dp5dt and it was 1,125 with a doubling time of 51.62 hours. Which is perfect. Normal doubling times in early pregnancy are between 31 & 72 hours and I fall nicely right in the middle there. My next Beta is Thursday. 

Every night Rob kisses my belly goodnight. He's calling the baby a boy- when I said you know it could be a girl too right- he told me to just let him call the baby a boy now. Then he told the dog (ya we talk to the dog in our house-- alot! LOL) that if its a girl he's in so much trouble. 

He said a baby girl will be wrapped firmly around his fingers. So very true. So for now its baby boy. 

I know that its against what I should do-- with all that could go wrong we're supposed to wait until its "safe" to tell people your pregnant. But, I can't help myself. When someone asks me how things are going I tell them. Then I get giddy and excited all over again.. and I'm not going to apologize for it. I also don't plan on shouting it from the roof tops- but we waited so long to say we were pregnant- I don't think I can keep this secret for very long at all.

This baby is our miracle and no matter how long He's with us I want to rejoice in his life and celebrate this moment. I want to give glory to God for allowing me this time. I want to be excited and live without fear. 

That doesn't mean I don't have my moments where I am struck by fear and panic. Where I am scared breathless and awake from a soundless sleep fearing the very worst. I am human- I'm just doing my best to pray through those moments and live in the moment and hope for the very best. 

I've gotten some wonderful gifts this last week- Elisha from Waiting for Baby Bird sent me A Seed of Hope God's Promises of Fertility- a daily devotional. Which is so inspiring and fills me with hope every single time I open it. She also sent me a Valentine's gift. It's filled with little Tootsie Rolls which are just the perfect little sweet treat. Elisha thank you so much for being such a sweet friend!! 

  

One of my sweet friends also sent me Gin-Gin's for my nausea. They are sticky little ginger candies (which are all natural and gluten free). I've been biting off half a candy and chewing on it until the nausea passes. 

I spent the morning planning out our Disney Dining Reservations and looking up show times. I want to see shows I haven't seen before since I won't be able to ride my favorite rides-- trust me this is a dream come true and I am not complaining. I'm super excited to get to say that I can't ride something because I'm pregnant. I'm also excited to explore some shows and things in Disney I may have over looked in the passed. 

I also ordered maternity shorts. Sayyyyy what?? Yup. I am bloated and swollen and there is no way last years shorts are going to fit me during our trip- and I was not buying the next size up to not be able to wear them this summer either-- so I took a deep breath-- prayed for the very best and ordered them. How's  that for faith that everything is going to be just fine. 

While in Disney we plan on telling Rob's parents and Sister since we are all going together. We want to tell my parents the day before we leave too. Everyone deserves to be happy with us-- at least that's our motto. 

I bought these wooden blocks from Etsy and plan to package them up with a picture frame of the ultrasound photo. Our first ultra sound is suppose to be right before we leave so I am praying everything stays as planned and no forks are thrown in the road. 

For my parents we are going  to stop over and tell them we want to leave them a key before we go just in case there are any issues at the house. Then we will give them  their package. For Rob's parents we plan to give it to them at dinner the first night in Disney. 

I'm excited- I can't wait to see everyone's faces. 

I'm also excited because I'm going to be passing some of my left over friends to a sweet sweet blog friend who will be starting her own IVF journey shortly. Not only am I so happy to be able to hand these medications over to someone who can use them and deserves them- but I can't wait to see her smiling face and give her a hug and pray with her and for her this coming weekend <3 xo

I'll leave you with this line from the card Elisha sent me- this scripture is perfect because I am continuing to trust in the Lord and I am also studying Luke right now as part of the 90 day Bible Challenge.

"Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!" - Luke 1:45


 

 

310.

No not the time.

My first Beta is 310. According to American Pregnancy Association anything over 5 is considered pregnant. I can officially call myself pregnant! Today I am 9dp5dt- and I am literally over  the moon happy. Like if I could fly to the moon I would.

I went to the office at 07:30am and had my blood draw and finally received the results at 3pm. Possibly one of the longest days at work ever. My favorite RN asked if I had tested yet- and I told her it was positive and I was pretty positive that she was going to burst into tears in front of me. She grabbed me so tight and told me she had been thinking of me non stop. I was so glad she was there for me.

Rob and I are just beyond elated and praying that everything continues to progress exactly the way it should. I return on Monday for my next beta. I wish I had something more insightful to say, but really I can't beleive that I recieved a call from them today telling me I am pregnant. I think its going to take some time to wrap my head around.

Psalm 138:8

"The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me." ~ Psalm 138:8

Not he may.. Not he might.. Nope-- He WILL! 

This has been my motto since one of my oldest and bestest friends made Rob and I dinner a few nights ago and placed a card on top with that verse on it- 

Thank you Laura for being my best friend<3

I've been laying low- I hate symptom spotting because sometimes we can make so much up in our minds. Is this a symptom? Is this the extra medication? Is this my mind playing tricks on my body? I hate if's- 

But here's what has been going on for a few days- crampy, like AF cramps that come and go, nausea which was decreasing in ferocity- but has come back the last two days with a vengeance, abdominal pain on both sides where my my ovaries are, swelling/bloating in my abdomen and in my face (Im blaming the steroids on the facial swelling), did I mention nausea?? A funny feeling in my belly- like gassy.. but not? Constipation which I have been battling with since ER (TMI I know and Im sorry at some point I will be doing an entire post dedicated to the nightmare that was/is) 

I've been wavering from "just knowing Im pregnant".. to just knowing this isn't the one and preparing myself for the end.. 

Then last night I was laying on the floor at my friends house while everyone watched the game. It felt better to stretched out and I had my hands on my belly and I just "knew". I text a friend who told me I needed to just test and see and prepare myself if its negative it could still turn positive- but just test and see- 

So I have to tell you all I have been so on the fence about telling you guys the results- whether negative or positive, but since I believe so strongly in the power of positive thoughts and prayers I decided to share. 

Here are the parameters- If we are friends in Facebook land please please please please nothing  to be posted- its far too early. If we are friends in real life please instead of texting us- just say a prayer that this is it. Its not official yet, and I just want to take some time to process this information with just Rob and I.  

So here we go- please don't feel to read any farther if you are in a bad place. I get it and if you want to leave a comment I will hold you in prayer for whatever you wish to be prayed for or whatever God impresses upon my heart to pray for you for. 

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6dp5dt//Second Morning Urine

It was very faint- but very much there- so I pulled out a digital- 

6dp5dt- SMU

So- it would seem that at this moment in time I am indeed pregnant! I wanted to do something so creative to tell Rob, but instead I bounded down the stairs and basically through it into his hands. 

We are both cautiously optimistic. Its pretty early. And we still have a ways to go before it official.. 

But I'm continuing my optimistic route- for this very moment in time I am pregnant.