Monday, March 10, 2014

On Finding Your Religion

-Everything is super fantastic with me and the twins right now. Nothing really to report there- no more bleeding since the one incident last week and the worst morning sickness yet had hit me starting on Friday and has stuck around ever since. Trust me I am not complaining- I've never embraced morning sickness as much as I am right now- to me it means that my babies are growing and are getting bigger and stronger, so every time I hang my head into a sink, toilet, or other vomit catching receptacle I know that my body is doing just what its suppose to do. This is not to say I wouldn't mind some relief so that I can eat some. My one worry at this point is that I am down just over 12lbs since finding out I was pregnant. I'm overweight right now anyway, but I don't want to continue to lose weight. My goal this week is to work on eating what I can, when I can, but not skipping over meals. Our first appointment with our new OB is Wednesday- I hope I get to see my little ones again :)

Last night while I was praying I was thinking a lot about my old church. The church I grew up in. We have recently found a new church near us and felt very at home there, but I couldn't help but miss my small town church last night. It also got me thinking to how I found my religion.

When I was born  I was very premature and my Great Grand-father was a strong Catholic. He believed that if I wasn't Christened and something happened to me I would go to hell. So my Great Grand-father came to the hospital and had me Christened his self. My Mom was raised as a devout Catholic and my Father a not as devout Baptist. My brother and I were brought up to believe in God, but no strict religion. 

In fact my parents and their best friends baptized me after I came home in a cedar water creek near our home themselves. Once I was old enough I started attending Sunday school on my own and stayed with my little church for many years. Religion was something I was always drawn to.

I grew up in a small town conservative Baptist Church. It was quiet for the most part, but something that I liked is that Pastor knew me. Everyone knew me. Part of me misses that. Part of me doesn't feel like this new church is the exact fit for us and I think that is what is missing- the small town feel that I grew up with. 
 
Our new church is big and loud and has multiple services a day- and while I am becoming more involved and meeting lots of new people that attend the service I normally attend- I still can't help but feel like I am lost in the crowd there. Its by no fault of their own- in fact its amazing that this new church has so many members and is large and I like the loud music -it draws you in and gives me a chance to sing- something I love, but not something I get to do regularly. (ps I have no voice and I sing completely out of key, but my lord loves when I sing to him regardless!) 


What I don't miss from the small town church is the judgemental feel of everyone knowing you. When I was a teenager and I messed up big time the entire church knew. There were no secrets. I think that is part of the reason I never went back.

Then that led me to think about messing up and making mistakes. I'm flawed- in fact we all our. I have said things I shouldn't have said, done things I am not proud of, have a past that was rocky, lost myself more than once- all this being said is it best to proclaim our faults? Shout them out to the world? 

World I am flawed and here are all my mistakes and my transgressions? 

Or is it perfectly okay to keep quiet and know your own faults. Apologize when you should and move forward with your life. Isn't that what we should do? Isn't that what God wants us to do? After all if he forgives me for my sins- isn't that enough? 


I guess I was feeling really good about the new church, but I really do miss the small town feel that a smaller church can give. All these feelings have me left wondering if this new church really is the perfect set up for our little family... or if I just need to keep pushing and finding to right place and the right fit.

How did you seek and find a new church? What were things you looked for? 

18 comments:

  1. The Priest was a big factor for me. I love the tradition of our church but if the Priest couldnt' get the message across I felt as if I was just going through the motions. Try out a few more until you feel a good fit. YOu will know when you know.

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    1. That's true too. I do like this pastor very much. Its just hard to go from one extreme to another. I think I will give it some more time and see how I feel as time goes on.

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  2. Our pastor left about a year ago and it hasn't felt the same. I keep saying that I need to look for another church but haven't done it yet. I think you just get a feeling when you're in the right place. Good luck!

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    1. I think so too. I think I will keep giving it a little time and see if I start to feel like I fit.

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  3. I wish I had a good answer for you, I'm more anxious to find the answer to that myself. So glad everything with the babies are going well!

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    1. Its so hard because there are so many factors. Babies are doing great right now :)

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  4. Just found your blog and we have some much in common just that my miracle is yet to come but I know its coming. I tap into yours, and I pray for you.

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    1. Thank you! I will hold you in my prayers!

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  5. SO glad to hear everything's going well outside of the nausea!

    We are going through the same exact thing right now with church limbo. Thought we'd found a good church home here, and same as you, outstanding music, etc. but big ole 10,000 member church and lacking the personal feel. We don't miss the hypocritical and judgmental feel of some smaller churches though. It is so hard to find a perfect mix! We've gone to at least 6 or 7 churches locally, and last week we didn't go at all, because I just wanted to sit home and watch Joel Osteen. We are tired of leaving church feeling disappointed...it's almost worse than just not going at all. Let me know if you figure out the magic solution. I think it just takes visiting them all and knowing when it's the right one, and I also think it's perfectly fine to outgrow one and move on to another. We all grow spiritually in different ways, and our needs will change as our families grow too.

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    1. I completely agree. I definitly like the less judgemental feel of the larger church- but I cant help but feel sort of lost in the crowds as well. I love Joel Osteen's services and often watch those- but I do like the act of going to church and worshiping with others too. Can you imagine how the people of his church feel? How overwhelming must that place be!

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  6. I'm in a similar place...I've been trying to find a good church but sometimes it's really hard. I found one I really liked, but then a new Pastor came in and was very different from the old one, right down to their beliefs. So it was a whole different experience and a lot of the congregation left. I think you just find one that feels right.

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    1. It is really hard to feel like its the right fit. Im hoping to just give it a touch more time.

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  7. I go to a church with about 800 people and three services. I too came from a small conservative Baptist church and I was afraid that this new church was going to be too big...

    I prayed about it and found peace with the bigger church for several reasons. I got involved in the kids ministry, events team and Daniel and I host a connect group in our home every Sunday night. My hubby got involved in the parking team, usher team, and host team. Being involved with so many ministries really introduced us to so many different people in not just the service we attend (the second service) but also people who come to the first and third. Getting to know more people made the "big" church feeling go away...the more people I knew, the less the church felt in size.

    Secondly, for me, finding a church also comes down to which one feeds my spiritual growth because ultimately that is what is important. Which church is going to teach your children the Godly principles that you want them to have? Which one is going to teach YOU the godly principles? There is no point in sitting in a "comfortable" church if it isn't growing you spiritually. Make sense? That's when I decided my old church, that didn't feed me, wasn't the choice for me.

    HUGS to you!! xoxoxo

    waitingforbabybird.com

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    1. Thanks Elisha. I wish I had some more time to really get involved, but it hasn't been easy lately. I did join a womens group, but I feel like that's not exactly the right fit either. While I like all the women I feel like they have had their core group for a long time and I am just an outsider looking in. I agree completely with the spiratual growth. That is one thing I can say that our pastor does. He is what is holding me there at this point and maybe the rest will fall into place in time.

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  8. I know how you feel about the "small town church" thing. My small town had like 25 churches, and no stop lights. There was always something welcoming about my small church, but like you said, EVERYONE KNOWS EVERYTHING. That is sort of small town life in a nutshell. Unfortunately in my particular town there was also a lot of judgment that went on. For along time I attributed the Judgment to Church and in high school I told my mom that I believed in God and Jesus, but did not believe that other people (in Church) were fit to judge me so I wasn't going to go anymore. And I didn't go for 10 years.
    Where I live now, there are a lot of choices in churches. Big ones, small ones, lots of denominations, and I am very happy in my fairly small church. We rock out to a band during worship, and the message always seems relevant to my life. I always leave with energy and hope. I sincerely hope you can find that somewhere. Its great to have a place that you look forward to going every week.

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    1. I miss the small town feel- but not the small town judgement. I'm hoping to give the new church some more time and maybe in time I will begin to feel more comfortable.

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  9. Glad everything is well. I say go where you'll grow. I experienced a season of being uncomfortable at my current church but eventually I found my groove and I am growing a lot in a small group that was very close knit before they met me.

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    1. I'm hoping to find my groove too. I like it there- I just feel a touch uncomfortable about the size. Im not even sure where it came from.

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