IUI 6 ~ TOMORROW What in the What..

I just got home from the RE with some crazy news.. my IUI is going to be tomorrow- cycle day 11. 

This is the earliest my eggs have ever matured....ever.  

My lining was 6mm- which is kinda junk, especially since last cycle it was 14mm, but last cycle also drug on and on and I took many more doses of Menopur. Last cycle also failed- so 14mm lining isn't all that anyway- maybe 6mm is. 

6mm isn't god awful. 6mm is just fine. Just fine. 

Right Ovary- 21mm, 18mm, 14mm, and 13mm
Left Ovary- 18mm <~~ look who was hiding in there all along! 

I was so surprised. Not just cause the left ovary had a follicle growing in there all along, but I really wasn't thinking tomorrow. Its wasn't even on my radar at all. I knew things were moving along well this cycle, and everyone was growing and I was praying to see someone hit 20mm today at this appointment, but I truly wasn't expecting it to really happen. 

I just took my Ovidrel shot, and we go tomorrow morning at 7:30 am to have my IUI in the Marlton office- I had to call out of work. 

I was hoping to find someone to cover this shift so I could go meet up with Charity at The Word Of A Nerd, but God had other plans for me tomorrow. I'm sorry I won't be meeting you tomorrow Charity, but I'm praying so hard that when we do get the chance to meet up again its because this day was planned by the Lord for other things.. 

As I was driving home from the RE Carrie Underwood's Jesus Take the Wheel came onto my radio. 

Jesus Take the Wheel - if you have never heard it click here and listen to it. I am positive you will be able to relate. 

                                             "Jesus Take The Wheel"

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It'd been a long hard year

She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was so scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
Oh, Jesus take the wheel

Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

Oh, take it, take it from me.
Oh, wow, ohhhhh.

As soon as this song came on I promptly burst into tears. Happy tears. I'm one of those people that tend to think that everything happens for a reason. Some reasons we can't ever really explain or we don't fully understand, but I know that every choice I have ever made and every path I either chose to follow or chose to ignore, all of the mountains and obstacles I have climbed over and overcome- they are all leading to making my life what it is and what it is meant to be, and making me who I am and who I am suppose to be. Its all part of a bigger plan- the bigger picture. 

I guess what I am saying is- maybe there are reasons that I don't know yet as to why we were never able to get pregnant on our own. Maybe there is a reason that IUI's 1,2,3,4, & 5 did not work. A reason that we have waited 3 years and maybe- just maybe its for this to be our chance. Some of these follicles to be our baby(ies). A reason we have waited. 

Almost all of my friends were pregnant this this year together and maybe we were waiting- maybe so that our pregnancy would be our own. So that our pregnancy would happen exactly as God has always planned.. I can't help but let my mind wander to expected due dates, maternity photos, and the such. Its not easy to let it wander that far, because if there is anything I have learned -nothing is guaranteed  but if I don't let myself wander then I feel like I am dooming things before we hit start. I chose hope, I chose to let my mind wander, I chose those happy thoughts.. and I know not everyone will agree with that and that is okay, because this is how I chose to handle this cycle... our cycle.. 

I don't know if this cycle will work, but I have to keep the faith that there really is a reason for all this. There really is good stuff coming our way. I have to hope that this is the start of good news.. 

I can so relate to this song- 

"Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline

It'd been a long hard year"

Sometimes we ask why God? Why?! And our faith runs low. Im not asking that. Im just saying that I am ready. We are ready. No why's here today. 

It really had been a long hard year. The hardest of our married lives, but we have learned to come together and we have learned what giving 100% of ourselves to one another means and seen what it looks like.. 

                                        "Jesus take the wheel

Take it from my hands

Cause I can't do this on my own

I'm letting go

So give me one more chance

Save me from this road I'm on

Jesus take the wheel"

So Jesus take the wheel. We can't do this on our own. There is still a miracle that needs to take place. So while my body is ready- we need Jesus to take control- take the wheel and give us our miracle. 

I have to let go of the control. We can do everything right- eat right, sleep enough, hydrate well, take our medications on time, have wonderful follicles, great lining, spectacular sperm counts- but without that miracle- without Jesus taking the wheel- it just won't be. 

(source)

So my prayer is for strength and peace. To know that whatever happens is Your will. You are ultimately in charge and all of this waiting is building us to be better parents. 

All of our challenges this year, while they have left us feeling bruised -both figuratively and literally- are uniting us closer in our marriage. Our financial struggles have taught us to appreciate the little things more and taught me how to really stretch the dollars that we are blessed with. The leaks and water damage in our home have taught me more about patience than I ever thought I would be able to understand. All of the friendships that we have garnered threw our various struggles have taught us about love- the power and strength of love. All of these struggles have renewed my faith and taught me to pray stronger and harder than ever. So I am praying now- for our miracle. For our turn. Our time.

Jesus take the wheel... because we can't do this on our own....