What's all the ruckus about?

So over the weekend I read this article. It's titled 5 Things Parents Need To Stop Saying To Non-Parent.s I thought it was a cute article which was well written and not in the least bit offensive. 

In an attempt to create the least amount of drama possible please just take a look at the article. I stand by how I feel about it. I liked it and I shared it. Gone are the days where when someone doesn't like something they just move along. 

That's something my Mother and Grandmother taught me as well- if something or someone says something that bothers you just ignore it. People will hold different views from you on occasion- and that okay too. 

Anyway- check it out. I'm laying on the couch again today I called out of work and am going to wear my sweatpants and drink tea.. 

I may make a run out to mail my ornament for the ornament exchange and get some fresh air…

Also still no AF and I tested again since some of the meds they want me to take for Strep aren't good if you are pregnant… BFN.. 

Ive included the article text since the link isn't working.. 

First, I should say that I am 100 percent guilty of all of these. I know this reads as an advice list, but really it's advice I'm giving myself. The "you" I am addressing in this piece is me... unless it applies to you; then it is you.

I ran headfirst into this parenting thing, and have gladly and gratefully let it redefine me as a person. One unforeseen side-effect has been that I view everything through the lens of parenting. Sometimes that is a good thing. For instance, I don't leave steak knives lying around as much as I used to. Sometimes -- and this is what I've recently learned -- it can alienate my non-kid-having friends. Here are some things that are better left unsaid.

1. "Dogs are not kids."

It usually goes like this. "Ugh. You know what really bugs me? When so-and-so compares her dog to my kid. Or when so-and-so refers to his or her dog as his or her kid. Dogs are not kids! She has NO IDEA!" 

You know what? Unless "so-and-so" needs professional help, I guarantee "so-and-so" knows that her dog is not a human child. She also knows that having a dog is nothing like having a kid. What she's really saying is "Oh! Yes. I also have something in my life that poops AND brings me joy."

She is trying to relate to you and be a part of your life -- the life where all you do is talk about your kids. I know that it's hard to relate when you have kids and your friends don't. What were once close relationships can become sporadic meet-ups where you do your best to try and catch up with someone with whom you have very little in common anymore. Sure, you two were best buds in college, but now you have very different lives. So, when "so-and-so" offhandedly, and perhaps awkwardly, tries to relate to your story about picking poo out of your bangs by comparing it to scraping dog shit out of the carpet, cut her some slack. She's just trying to be nice. And she misses you.

2. "You think you're [insert anything here]? Try having kids!"

Tired, stressed, in pain, covered in urine, it doesn't matter. They all apply. Too often, we parents downplay non-parents' concerns by pulling ours out and tossing them on the table. "Oh man! You worked 50 hours this week? Try doing that with kids!" "Oh man, you think your feet hurt from working outside all day! I've been chasing my toddler blah blah blahpunch me in the face, please."

It's not a competition. If, on a scale of 1 to Passing Out Awkwardly in the Shower and Waking Up When the Hot Water Runs Out, your friend is at a 7, and three weeks into your first newborn you were at a 9, that DOESN'T MAKE YOUR FRIEND ANY LESS TIRED.

It isn't that your experiences can't be a valid contribution to the conversation, but instead of a "my pain is more painful than your pain" approach, instead, try sympathizing. Why not try using your experience as a new parent to help instead of compete? Say something like, "Whoa! I bet you're tired. When I was tired after my daughter was born, I found that pouring coffee directly into my eyeballs was incredibly useful."

3. "Don't worry, when you have kids you'll..."

... not be grossed out by boogers, know who Dora the Explorer is, be happy... UGH. We've got to quit assuming that everyone is going to have kids. Some people don't want kids and choose not to have them. Some people really want kids and are trying incredibly hard to have them. Indicating to these people that having kids is the only way they will reach some higher level of understanding is both inconsiderate and rude. I don't know what the alternatives to these statements are. Maybe just cut anything that starts with "When you have kids..." out of your repertoire all together. It makes you sound like someone's mom, anyway.

4. "Is the party kid-friendly?"

Unless you and your friend have some previous communication on this topic about how your little one is always welcome, assume the party is not kid-friendly. Don't ask. If it were "kid-friendly" they would have invited you AND your kids, and mentioned the awesome playroom that they will have set up in the basement. By asking your non-kid-having friends if their party is kid friendly you are putting them in the really awkward position of either MAKING their party kid-friendly on the fly, or telling you that the party is NOT kid-friendly which, then, no matter how low-key the party was intended to be in the first place, pretty much requires that they now provide a steady supply of hookers and blow. Don't make your friends set up a kids' room, and definitely don't make them buy hookers and blow.

5. "My life didn't have meaning before I had kids!"

Another way to say this: My life was meaningless before I had kids. Another way: Life without kids is meaningless.

Look, I know this feeling. Sometimes it feels like all the worries I had before my kids were trivial. I understand the urge to convey that feeling into words. Don't do it. Your life may have a different purpose now, but your pre-kid life was an important part of your story, and your non-kid-having friends are a part of that. Don't dismiss that part of your life the way most people skip the foreword to a novel they really want to read. By dismissing the "before" as just a buildup to your kids, you are not only dismissing your friends, but you're also implying that their story has not started yet.

Lastly, if you have done or said any of these things, you don't need to apologize. Just stop saying them. Apologizing will make it worse. I apologized for one of these things, and it came out poorly. It basically sounded like "Oh, you poor, delicate, non-kid-having flower. I am sorry that I was so consumed in my awesome parenting that I was neglectful and dismissive of our friendship. Please forgive me."

There was no forgiveness needed. I hadn't harmed anyone, I'd just annoyed them. Forgiving me would have been like forgiving a fly for landing on you. So, I promise to try and be more aware of how I say things, a better friend and less of a fly. And by less of a fly, I mean that I will not land on you, vomit on you and then try to eat you. College is over. I don't do that stuff anymore.

An earlier version of this piece appeared on John Kinnear's personal blog, Ask Your Dad. You can also find him on Facebook.

This story appears in Issue 59 of our weekly iPad magazine, Huffington, in the iTunes App store, available Friday, July 26.

Snapshot Sunday- Sock Exchange

I have strep throat, missed the Ugly Sweater Party last night because I am sick, offended some of my fertile friends with a post on FB about "What Parent's Shouldn't Say to Non-Parent Friends" (by the way I still stand by it and don't think it was the least bit offensive), its snowing and sleeting, and I still don't have a period (Cycle day 38). 

At some point this week I will hit on all of that fun stuff some more- but for now my wonderful husband went to the mailbox for me and look what he came back with…  

My super amazing socks from Steph! 

My socks from the sock exchange! Thank you so much Risa for creating and handling the sock exchange and thank you so much to Steph for my lovely socks! I am already putting them to good use and staying warm!

As you can see it's just Swishy, my sweats and my socks hanging on the couch today. Hoping to kick strep throats butt and feel a touch better by tomorrow! 

Girls Night Out

Last night was "Girls Night Out" in the Historic Town of Smithville. Smithville is a small town, about a half hour from where I live, that has a bunch of small shops and crafters. My Mother In Law received an email that they were having a "Girls Night Out" and asked if I would go with her. 

It was very nice event. Some of the stores had a little chocolate sampling or a small glad of wine. I got my Mother In Law a new charm bracelet and a few new beads. Her birthday is three days after Christmas, so I told her this would be her birthday gift. She tried to give it back to me to wrap up and give to her on her birthday, but I told her to just wear it and enjoy it now. 

I also spent a little money on myself.

I just love owls. When I first started seeking fertility help I bought a bracelet that had two owls attached and said hope. I would wear it to all of my treatments until it broke. Since then I have come to love owls. I would even like to include owls in our nursery someday. So these little guys represent hope, life, and love for me. I'm pretty sure I will wear them until they break or I lose one (isn't that always how it happens?).

I also got this new bright purple watch for work. I used to have a white watch, but since I am left handed and like to wear my watch on my left wrist, it always was covered in blue ink. Eventually most of it just turned a dull blue/dirt color. This one is so much fun. Its bright and happy and hopefully won't fade to that blue/dirt color. 

We are meeting with my in-laws next together next Tuesday to tell them about our IVF plans. They really don't know anything about our quest to make them grandparents and the struggles we've had so far. We decided that it would be best to have their support as well as we go through this and so we are going to sit down with them and tell them about it. 

The thing is Rob keeps telling his Mom and Dad that we "have something we need to talk to them about" and I am pretty sure his Mom thinks we are going to tell them we are expecting. 

I ordered wine at dinner with her last night to help stop those thoughts in their tracks, but I still couldn't help but think that is what she thinks already. I'm sure they will be a positive support for us, but I can't help but to feel like I am letting them down again. Just like I sometimes feel like I am letting my husband down as well. 

I know that's not the case. I really have no control over it all at this point and I am keeping the faith that when the time is right we really will be blessed with all the joy and happiness in the world. 

Please note my period is still not here. So who knows what is going on. I guess I will test again tomorrow to see if their has been any change. We have an Ugly Sweater Party tomorrow night :) 

Can't wait to share some "Ugly Sweater" photos with you guys! 

I'm Late

For starters - my period is MIA. Today is cycle day 33. I had been averaging shorter cycles (23-28 days) lately, however the last time I had a break cycle after consecutive medicated cycles I had a 40 day cycle.

I have no idea if I could even be pregnant, because I did not track, or calculate, or temp, or plan anything this cycle. I have not a clue when or if I even ovulated. And if I ovulated I have no idea with we BD'ed anywhere near a time where we could even wind up pregnant. So I guess anything is possible.. but I am convinced my body is just toying with my mind these days.

No I have not tested. I keep saying I am going to, but I'm pretty sure its negative and there is nothing worse then seeing those stark white tests. Since my last break cycle was 40 days I will wait till the 40 day mark before I test unless something leads me to believe otherwise. I have felt crampy since Friday. I am bloated. I am hungry could eat an entire chocolate cake for breakfast. I am convinced that my period is on its way any day now...

Of course I am waiting for a new cycle day 1 so I can have the Saline Infusion Sonohysterography (SIS) and move forward with our IVF cycle. It would figure that I am waiting for a cycle day 1, but its missing. 

Some other things going on that I haven't updated on since I was doing a week of thanks and focusing only on only being thankful and not on cycle days and leaky ceilings..

Our house work is finally completed. That wasn't without complication, because what fun is life without complication? Especially our lives.

When they redid our bathroom they also replaced the faucet in our tub. Let us rewind to last Saturday. I got up at 4am to go to the Rescue Squad for work. Hopped into the shower and noticed that around the faucet was leaking and squirting out at different angles. No biggie right? We'll just have them fix that right up with some caulk or plumbing something or other. Please do note that if you ever notice this in your own tub immediately turn your faucet off and call your plumber or contractor. 

Okay so I get out of the shower when I am done and head down stairs to walk the dog. It was still dark so as I stepped into a puddle my first reaction was- "Oh crap! Swish had an accident in the kitchen?". I turned on the light and felt a large drop of water hit my arm. My second thought was "Wow my hair is soaking wet this morning!" Then another drop fell. I looked up - and promptly burst into a hysterical fit of tears. 

It was raining from my kitchen ceiling. Since it wasn't raining outside I knew that it had to be coming from the bathroom. And I knew it was all my fault. I should have turned the water off as soon as I saw it coming out sideways. Making matters worse was that the bathroom was cold so I had let the water run for a bit prior to even jumping into the shower... 

The tub leaked right into our kitchen. If you are keeping track the kitchen had no leaks this time around and now we had an entire new issue. I had pretty much had it. I am the optimist normally. The "everything is going to be okay" girl. The "God is testing our faith and we will make it through" person in our marriage. So completely out of my ordinary I cursed the ceiling. I cursed the house. I cursed leaks. I cursed contractors (A LOT).  

I text my husband who had worked until 2am and was still asleep something to the effect of- "When you get up do NOT take a shower. Do NOT go into the kitchen. Please call the (insert lots of expletives here) contractors and tell them to fix it now!!!!" 

He text me back a little while later that not only had the ceiling leaked into the kitchen, but Swish threw up in the bed and while he was cleaning up that disaster Swish had diarrhea on the carpet and Rob stepped into it. I'm pretty sure Rob had a nervous breakdown at that point in time. Please also note that I'm pretty sure my outburst led to Swishy's messes because other then those two incidents he was fine all day. Poor buddy was probably worried that his Mama and Papa were losing their minds. 

This house has been one issue followed by another- first it was a leak into our bathroom and spare bedroom which went all the way down into the kitchen and resulted in basically our entire home being pulled apart, dried, and redone. We had that repaired. Then the bathroom leaked again. We had that repaired. Then the bathroom and spare bedroom leaked yet again- which was the issue they were fixing this time- and now I have a kitchen leak? $(&#$*(&@

Wah! Seriously. Wah! I went into work that morning thinking of ways to blow up the entire house without causing any others homes damage and with getting all my valuables and Swishy, Rob and I out in one piece.

So I can finally say that all of the repairs are completed finally and our home is once again our home. The kitchen is fully repaired and we have a nice new bathroom with beautiful tile work plus a new kitchen ceiling.The "nursey to be" is also freshly painted and no longer leaking. I meant to take some pictures for you all, but I forgot this morning.

I did remember to take pictures of my Christmas Tree and some decorating I have managed to get done. I have a little more to go, but I am so happy to have my tree up. We have a fake tree in our home, but I found these awesome ScentSicles. They make your house smell like you have a fresh tree and come in all different scents. I chose "Christmas Wreath" and put four onto my tree. I love them.  

Our tree with my Grandma's Angel at the top.

And the stockings were hung by the chimney with care...

And I had to put Swishy in his Santa Suit (By the way he loves this thing!)

So tis' the Season for lighting my candles and sipping my wine by the Christmas Tree with the light lit and my favorite book in hand. 

Speaking of books.. anyone reading anything interesting? I need a new book recommendation or two.
 

Where o' where is AF..

Still no sign of AF. 

Its like Cycle Day 1 (aka my hope) is taunting me. 

(Come out, come out wherever you are..) 

I have tested every part of 20 times. 

20 BFN's.

This morning I had a Beta drawn. Its my first day of vacation. I am basically positive I am not pregnant.   Im also positive that while we are out running errands today- which includes a trip to Walmart- I will be standing at the checkout when they call and tell me its negative- and I realize this logic is silly- I will still have some sort of emotional outburst. 

You see its one thing to "know" your not pregnant. Its another thing for your nurse to "tell you" your not pregnant. 

I wish I had something enlightening and hopeful to say, but I just don't have it. 

I do know that what is meant to be will be and I really have no control over it. 

Also if the nurse calls and says Im pregnant while I am at Walmart Im pretty sure I will pass out and I do hope my friends on the EMS crew in town just let me be lol. 

In happy good news- today I weighed in with Weight Watcher's and I am -2.6 lbs. 

So my first goal is to lose 10lbs and Im 2.6/10

So yay. Weight Watcher's works when you work Weight Watcher's. 

Yesterday was a completely GF free day too and this morning I only had 8oz of coffee and guess what I am not shaking in a corner :) 

Hopefully Cycle Day 1 comes out from wherever its hiding. I have never wanted my period to start so bad in my life. 

If you've seen AF send it this way.. 


*Update my nurse just called my beta is negative. I will wait it out for a bit and call them next week to schedule an appointment to discuss brining AF back if she's still MIA. Thankfully I was still at home and not at Wally World AND I didn't have a breakdown..