And Then I Started Bleeding

I know for some women this may bring back memories of awful things gone wrong. Please no worries if you want to look away. I will preface my entire post by saying so far everything is okay for the peanuts and I, but that certainly does not make it less terrifying.

Yesterday was my first day back to work after 16 days off. Not that they were quiet days off- it was Disney World. I walked miles and miles and for the most part felt pretty good. My full time job is as a 911 Dispatcher- yes high stress- however I remain seated for the majority of my days. 

Yesterday was no different then any other day at work. It was filled with moments of stress and followed by down time. We were busy, but I wouldn't rank it as a bad day- other than it was very difficult to stay awake for the entire shift. 

I did it though. I made it to the end of my shift and it was time to clock out. On my way a coworker and my boss got into a tiff about his call outs. I wasn't involved, but it did upset me that it was happening right there on my way to clock out. I made it to the time clock and then stopped at the bathroom since I can't make it all the way home without having to pee. 

Coincidentally a coworker that I haven't seen in awhile stopped me while I tried to enter the rest rooms and after some small talk actually asked me if I was "knocked up yet". First off- I hate that term "knocked up" and second why do people think its okay to ask. I joked a bit with him and he told me to "keep on trying its the best part." 

Side note- anyone that thinks that trying it the "best part" has never actually tried to get pregnant or in his eloquent, but probably well meaning word "knocked up."

I noticed right away- bright red blood in my panty liner (I'm wearing liners due to the Crinonine). The liner was pretty well soaked through, but as I wiped there wasn't any more bright red blood- it was more brownish and rust colored and there wasn't too much. I was paralyzed with fear. You aren't supposed to bleed while pregnant. Bleeding is bad. My heart pretty much stopped and I sucked in a deep breath as a million and one scenarios ran through my brain. 

First I wasn't cramping so that was a good sign, but it was bright red and that was a bad sign. Then more obscure thoughts passed through my mind- they don't have names yet- they need names. And this can't be happening. Then I started to pray.

I left work and got into my car and text my best friend. She told me to calm down and take some deep breaths and that while its scary she had bleeding in her second pregnancy and everything turned out just fine. She asked about cramping and how I was feeling and then told me to call my doctor to be sure they know. 

Since I am in the process of leaving the RE and moving forward with my OB I am sort of in between doctors. I called my RE though since I have yet to even see my OB. I left a message on the nurse triage line and really didn't expect to hear from them until this morning since there was nothing they really were going to be able to do anyway. 

I got home and my husband asked how my day was. I meekly told him about the bleeding and how I called the doctors office and was hoping for a call back. We both decided neither one of us wanted to make dinner- heck I barely wanted to eat dinner- in fact I really just wanted to throw up. Instead I made a bowl of Apple Jacks and picked at them- finally just drinking the milk and calling it a night. 

As I was about to go upstairs to lay in bed my doctors office called. One of my nurses was on the line and she asked a lot of questions about how I was feeling and what type of bleeding. So told me that since it was turning rust colored and brownish that it lead her to believe that it was old blood now and that while I should be on high alert I should do my best not to stress.  (Hahhaha) She told me that there are lots of causes for bleeding in pregnancy- and especially in the first trimester of a twin pregnancy. Causes listed were a possible UTI, my uterus expanding faster then my body expected, endometrin lining being disrupted.. and so on and so forth. She also went on to say that of course bleeding could be a sign of miscarriage- but not to worry about that unless the bleeding continues or cramping starts. She told me if I continue to bleed, it gets heavy, or I experience cramping to call them today. 

She left me with orders to keep my feet up when possible, try to remain stress free, continue to hydrate, and be sure to continue not to lift anything over 5lbs and avoid exerting myself. 

All in all it sounded like she wasn't too worried and that helped ease my fears some. I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night- I dreamed of lakes of blood and crying very vividly and when I wasn't dreaming I was up praying and thinking of names for the babies. 

This morning I woke up and when I went into the bathroom and right away wanted to check for bleeding- thankfully there was none. Not even a trace. My morning was also met with a healthy dose of morning sickness which I am pretty sure I have never embraced or wanted to feel more. 

I am still terrified. I didn't ever expect to see blood and I surely would be just fine with never seeing blood again. Ever. Hopefully it doesn't return and it was just some random bleeding. I am doing everything I can to remain as calm as humanly possible. 

I just keep praying over the babies and over my body. Praying that my little peanuts are just fine in there and continuing to thrive and grow. Praying that this is only the first of many scares that I am sure over the years that they will give me.