My Hair Tie Moments

I'm pretty sure the title says it all- the biggest side effect I have noticed as of now is that my emotions are completely off the charts. I go from the happiest person alive- laughing and joking and smiling to the opposite end of the spectrum and find myself all out crying and in fits of hysterics. 

My husband is a saint.At some point in time I am going to give him a present for dealing with me and my emotional craziness- I pray that the gift is a baby and it comes in about 9 months nice and healthy :) <3

Here is the low down on the medications- 

I can't decide which one I dislike more this go round. Don't get me wrong- I will take them 100 times over if it means a healthy, happy baby in the end. However, if I am being real-- they do suck. It's not something I would willingly do just for the heck of it.

Menopur- which I have taken in the past is causing the same issues I had in the past. It burns and the gauge on the needle is small so it takes longer to push the medication into the body, which means the burning is prolonged. 

Some say to ice the area, however I was advised by my nurse to try to avoid that so that the medication can disperse. I don't like the burning by any means, but I can deal with it so I haven't been icing at all. 

Gonal-F - This is the new one for me. The gauge on the needle is larger-- so it hurts much worse when you are inserting it into the skin, however the medication get pushed much faster since it is larger making the experience quicker overall than the Menopur.

I've been doing the Menopur first right now- mainly because I have to mix the Menopur and the Gonal-F I have doses already mixed up. So I burn and then the burning goes away because I stab and the stabbing pain takes over and then its all over and I treat myself with a glass of milk and a Hershey Kiss Cherry Cordial. Nom nom nom. 

So for the hormonal rage- Rob and I have come to call them my  "Hair Tie Moments"- 

On Saturday my Mom text me and asked me if I was working. I was in the midst of tying my hair up since Rob and I were heading out to run errands and it was raining. The second she saw I wasn't working she called me. I ended up leaving my hair tie on the bathroom sink and walking down stairs. When our conversation was over Rob and I left for our errands and I never put my hair up. This normally wouldn't really phase me. Sure I may be a tad annoyed that my hair was blowing all over in the rain, but I wouldn't let it throw everything off. 

Well, let me tell you. I was a hot mess. I was so upset that I didn't have this hair tie. I wanted to burst into tears and at that moment I realized I needed to just take a breather and relax it was just a hair tie. Rob and I even laughed over it. Rob told me to- "Chill out Incredible Hulk". So we've been joking and laughing about that since.

On Sunday I text Rob (he was at work) to  tell him about my "Hair Tie Moment" of the day. I figure its best to laugh about it. Sunday I went to Church, came home and promptly relaxed by binge watching Roseanne. 

Little secret- Roseanne reruns are by far one of my most favorite things, because typically they just make you laugh and laugh and laugh. However, on Sunday they played two episodes that have a serious undertone- One the Conner's are faced with a tornado. Now even though I know that the Conner's survive this natural disaster and go on to live another eight seasons, and even though I've seen this episode every single bit of 100 times I found myself crying my eyes out. 

Then of course after that episode Darlene has to have an appendectomy. Goodness me. I was snotting and losing it. What if my kid ever has to have an appendectomy!! Ohhh. 

Like I said Good Gravy!

I text Rob and told him I was sad about the Conner's life struggles and I knew I was crazy for it. Thankfully he laughed with me about it and no one was harmed in my hormonal fits, but I am sure that this is only the begining. 

Other than that I feel okay. A bit bloated and crampy, but okay. 

I go tomorrow for a follicle scan, lining check and blood work. I will be really really happy with 10 eggs for retrieval, but anything over 3 is considered a success and they will move forward with the IVF. Anything over 10 would be amazing. I'm doing my best to stay upbeat and positive no matter what we see tomorrow. Praying that tomorrow we get to see some growth as we move forward in this amazing journey.

And We're Off..

We've been given the all clear- no cysts, blood work is good… and medications have finally arrived. 

IVF - is a go. 

So my medications were suppose to arrive yesterday, but FedEx "messed up the delivery" and they just arrived on my door step now. I can finally let a big sigh and am focussing on a stress free few weeks. At least as stress free as I can manage. 

Menopur, Gonal-F,Crinone, Estradiol, Prednisone, Ganirelix, Ovidrel and a Zpack 

As you probably know we do have insurance coverage and have the authorization for IVF. We are incredibly blessed, but it doesn't mean that our IVF comes without costs that are not covered. I'm so grateful that we have coverage, because these medications with insurance coverage and coupons from Freedom Fertility Pharmacy still exceeded $1500. 

$1569.59 to be exact. 

We also have to pay cryopreservation and storage fees- $730.00. This covers six months of storage if we do have embryos to store- every six months of storage will cost $270.00. 

I know how lucky we are- but I figured it may be of some interest to see the costs that are out of pocket. 

Tonight I will start stimming- my starting doses are Menopur 150 iu and Gonal-F 225 iu along with my .25 of Dexamethasone daily 

So here we go :) Lets make a baby shall we <3

Patience is not my virtue...

My online fertility medication pharmacy- Freedom Fertility- just called to fill my prescriptions and set up a delivery date for my August cycle.

I didn't know what medications I was going to end up with because the APN that I met with had to run them by Dr. S and the billing department to see what would be the best course of treatment and what was covered best by my insurance.

So I never knew what exactly we were exactly doing this cycle.

The winners are-

Menopur w/ Gonal-f w/ Ovidrel trigger, Dexamethasone daily, and Endometrin post ovulation.

I’m a little intimidated by the Menopur and Gonal-F protocol. Most of what I can research online shows them used together during and IVF cycle and I will be doing mine with IUI.

I do see a lot of success stories out there though! --Yay!

What I can tell is that I will likely be on lower doses with the IUI- I should have asked when they called, but I was at work and needed to get the order placed and off my personal phone.

I really hope this is the cycle. That these are the medications that I need to make our little baby a reality.

Everyone always says its the right combo of medications at the right time. So maybe this is it.

I read an awesome quote by TWLOHA's website today.

-for those that don’t know TWLOHA stands for to write love on her arms the following is their mission statement:

To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire, and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.

http://twloha.com/

Anyway their quote today-

"If today is not the moment for you, don't lose patience... think that there will still be tomorrow and there will be happiness." - Cherice

I think this was todays gentle reminder for me to be patient. Not a super amazing trait of mine.

Im working on it though. This journey has taught me so much about patience and the lack of patience that I have..

Happiness is coming and everything is going to work out just the way its supposed to.

I just need to be mindful and continue to work on my patience.

Someone I casually work with -who knows absolutely nothing about our struggle to get pregnant told me she had a dream about my husband and I yesterday.

Very very weird by the way. She even admitted that she wasn't sure if she should tell me if she was having weird dreams about me (shes pregnant too by the way...)

She said she dreamt that I was about 9 months pregnant and loading a stretcher into the ambulance and she was yelling at me.

I guess that gave me hope. Maybe another gentle reminder from the man up stairs that its coming.

Keep patient and calm and everything is going to work out just the way its supposed to.

So that is what I am doing. Eating better, drinking plenty of fluid, decreasing my gluten, walking every night, laughing as much as I can, not letting small things stress me out, being kind to everyone I encounter and living life right now.

I truly can not wait to go to my acupuncture appointment on Monday.

I’m looking forward to the future and what is has to offer us, but I'm also not going to let the future take away from my present. This last cycle really tore me apart inside. I felt very defeated and I truly let it get to me.

I'm going to try my best to keep my chin up and keep moving forward.

Happiness is just ahead.

I can feel it.

-I would love to hear any Gonal F w/ Menopur protocol stories you lovely ladies have..