Twenty Things About Me

Charity over at The Word of a Nerd had a post I read today about Twenty things about yourself. I decided it would be fun to share some more about me :) Thanks for the idea Charity! Feel free to copy and share about yourself as well! 

20 Things About Me! 

What's your favorite thing about where you live? I love how close we are to everything. I can be sitting on the beach in ten minutes or walking about the big cities in less than an hour. We have the woods and nature, but we also have the casinos and the outlet stores. Its a wonderful area where you pretty much know everyone :) 

What are 3 things you are grateful for? I am grateful for so much- but the 3 most important to me - my husband who always has my back, my family who can be annoyingly close- but I wouldn't change it for the world, and my wonderful friends who have literally given me shoulders to cry on in time of despair. 

What is the story behind your blog name? When I started taking different medications to battle IF I started to detest eggs- something I used to eat every morning. On top of that my "eggs" weren't doing what they were suppose to. One morning while complaining about my new food aversion I said "Gaah stupid broken eggs.." and that became the starting point of my blog. 

What is one think you'd like to learn? One thing thats so hard there is so much I want to learn still. I really would love to be a registered nurse. Its hard for me to go back to school for a multitude of reasons, but I really want to do more. 

What does your ideal day look like? Sleeping passed 6am, enjoying a nice slow up of coffee by my fireplace with my blanket over my legs and my dog in my lap. Pumpkin spice candles burnings and enjoying the morning sun through the windows. Then I would start my day and someone would come in to put my hair in order for me so I didn't have to. Rob and I would go on an adventure. Any adventure like traveling to the Reading Terminal Markets and enjoying a day together with no real plan. For dinner with would have my Mama's Gravy and pasta w/ home made meatballs and a nice glass of my favorite pinot grigio. Then we would retire to the bedroom and enjoy a movie. Those are my favorite days :) well those and a day at Disney World! 

When are you at your best? When I am in the midst of chaos. I am a 911 dispatcher and I actually thrive when its the craziest. I am able to remember minute details and maintain a calmness to keep things running smoothly. I love when the craziness ends and we can all sit back and say- wow this worked out well and we made a difference today. 

If you could meet any blogger in person, who would you choose? There are so many I would love to meet in person. Caroline from In Due Time has really helped me find some inner peace and faith, Rise from Who Shot Down My Stork has taken us all along in her ups and downs I really just want to give her a hug, and Emily from Eat Love Procreate has been a guiding light for me and always has wonderful advice. There are many more who I love to follow along and would love to meet as well. 

Which blogs are you loving right now? Goodness it seems like everyday I am adding a new blog to follow the 3 above and Charity's blog plus- 

The Second Bedroom

The Pursuit of Pregnancy

Beloved Burnt Toast

Stupid Stork

Stirrup Queens

But there really are a ton more that I love to follow along with- just search everyone out on my blog under Blogs I Adore. I really do adore you all :) 

Tell us something we don't know about you. I am a Disney fanatic and I took my husband down the rabbit hole with me :) 

Last Christmas :) 

Favorite piece of jewelry other than your wedding/engagement ring and why? I have an infinity bracelet from Tiffany's that Rob gave me as a gift this passed Valentines Day. I love it because it was a total surprise and Rob searched out jewelry that I had posted on Pinterest to chose this one. Which is amazing :) 

Who inspires you? Each and every one of you. You all have stories to tell with triumphs and failures but you all find time for humor and faith and love. You take time out to comment and help life one another up and I am so proud to be part of such an amazing community. You guys are my rock :) 

What is your favorite family tradition? "Sunday" dinners. I put Sunday's in quotes because in our line of work our Sunday's are not always Sunday's, but we take time out to make a big meal and sit down and eat together. We work on the meal together. It may not happen every single week, but we do it often and its something I desperately want to pass along. 

Who do you admire most as a blogger and why? I admire so many of you- but Risa at Who Shot Down My Stork has been through so much recently and has shared it all. She still manages to keep on moving forward and put a smile on my face. She is the face of determination and my heart goes out to her. 

Is this how you imagined your life would be? Nope. Not even close, but its the life I have and I am trying to enjoy every second of it. 

Show us your favorite picture and explain why you love it. This is the day I married the man I love, my best friend, in the most amazing wedding on the Jersey Shore with the most amazing weather and wonderful family and friends. 

How did your blog come about? I needed someplace to document this journey and somewhere to feel comfortable talking about things that many don't know about or understand... someplace to spew forth emotions and feelings that are not always okay to share with people that don't understand IF or can be confused as awful and thoughtless. 

What do you love about yourself? My ability to be there for my friends no matter what they need. 

If money were no question, I'd purchase a new home with a beautiful back yard and I would landscape it with a gorgeous pool with flowers and bird baths and trees- a sanctuary. 

What's your biggest struggle in life? Right now a battle to get pregnant. 

Name something you have learned that surprised you. Lots of things surprise me. I think that my parents met and were married within months of meeting one another and are still together today is still the most surprising. 

I hope you enjoyed this post. I would love to learn something about you. Answer some of the questions in the comments below or link me to your own post.

Thanks Charity for sharing :) 

Snapshot Sunday~ Isaiah 66:9

My Mama's Gravy

Last night Rob worked for the first time in 3 months. Its a part time job at the Rescue Squad that I work at. Its no where near what he was making as a Paramedic, but for now it is going to help us pay our bills and for that I am thankful. 

I always do the same thing when I feel like a celebratory meal. I make my Mama's Gravy and cook up some pasta. There is something comforting about making something that has been passed down in my family for generations. 

I can't wait to pass it down to the next generation someday. As the recipe has been passed down we each tweak it to our own family's tastes. It was a big deal when my Mom hand wrote the recipe card and passed it on to me. 

It was a bigger deal the first time I made her Gravy for her. 

Every time I make the gravy I think about my family. How lucky I am to have had the family that I did. How special my Gram was to me and how much I miss her. How awesome it was to have so many aunts and uncles and cousins growing up. 

I can't help but wonder if someday I am going to have a daughter or a son that is going to get to reflect in the same manor. My Mom is 1 of 5 and my Dad is 1 of 5. I only have one brother- though I have countless cousins. I have to wonder where the fertility fell off here. In a family of so many why can't I get pregnant? Will my son or daughter ever come to be? Will I ever get to pass this recipe on to them? Will they ever get to make their version of The Gravy for me? 

I surely hope so, but since I can't guarantee that I thought I would still like to pass the recipe on. There really isn't anything top secret about it. Its just filled with love and generations of women and men have passed this on for years. 

So I want to share this with you my bloggy friends. The only thing I ask is you make it with love, add your own twist, and share it with someone you love too. 

What you will need: 

2 Cans Crushed Tomatoes  (28oz Tuttorosso Brand) 
1 Can Tomato Puree (28oz Tuttorosso Brand)
1 Can Tomato Paste (6oz Contadino Brand- Mama always said to buy 2) 
1 Can Rotel (This is something I have added to mine)
1 Large Onion (diced)
1/2 Red Pepper (strips) 
Minced Fresh Garlic (4-6 tsp, however I use more as DH loves Garlic)
3/4lbs Ground Chuck (however I will use ground chicken or ground turkey or no meat at all sometimes) 
1/2lb Fresh Mushrooms 

The following seasonings- Salt, Pepper, Garlic Powder, Crushed Red Pepper, Basil, Oregano, Parsley, Bay Leaf, Sugar, and Parmesan Cheese 

Brown your Ground Chuck (or whatever you chose) w/ 1-2 tsp EVOO salt and pepper. Once browned saute onion and red pepper until onions are translucent- salt and pepper. Add Rotel and tomato paste- you want to mix it all up until its blending "reawakening" the tomato paste.  Then add in the crushed tomatoes, tomato puree,  and approximately 1/2 cup water (this will depend on the consistency of your sauce there are times where I have to add more and times where I add none.) Add a table spoon of all the above seasoning, 2 bay leafs, and 1/3 cup parmesan cheese.  Add in your fresh mushrooms and let simmer on low. Be sure to cover so that you don't have a tomato spotted stove. Stir frequently with a wooden spoon (This is a Gram rule lol.) After about an hour taste your sauce. My Mama always said to add 1 tsp of the above seasonings - except she leaves out the crushed red pepper- I add mine in cause we like it hot over here. You always done need to add more cheese unless you like your sauce cheesy. Continue to simmer on low- add water if the consistency is to thick or add the reserved tomato paste if its too watery. Make it early in the day because there is nothing like a fresh pot of gravy simmering all day on your stove. 

Be sure to buy a loaf of bread and dip and dunk to taste test. Add something you love to it. Make it your own. 

Always be sure to share it with love. 

My dinner w/ some Naan bread last night<3

Just a Regular Ray of Sunshine

I follow Joel Osteen over on the land of Facebook. In my Quest of Positivity during my two week wait I was looking for some inspiring scripture or quotes. Something to lift my spirits today.

I'm not having the best or brightest of mornings. I’m certainly not a ray of sunshine right now. Part of it is returning to work after 17 days off. Part of it is having a tough time sleeping. Some of it is more people posting pregnancy announcements… and me feeling awful for feeling awful about another persons blessing.

I just feel overly aggravated with everything, and so I just wanted to turn that around. Just because my morning is trying doesn't mean my entire day needs to be trying.

I can still be a ray of sunshine even if it takes some work. Returning to work after 17 days off is a blessing- two fold- I have a job to return to and I was able to have 17 paid days off to begin with. I have no answer for the rough nights sleep other than if I let some of my worry go I am bound to sleep easier so I need to just exhale the mental fatigue and inhale some peace. Pregnancy announcements are rough. There is no way around them. I can be sad for me and happy for them. There is nothing wrong with those feelings despite what others may say. There is nothing wrong with going through the emotions you need to and process those emotions. What is wrong is dwelling on them. So I am sad that my plans haven’t worked out yet, but I am so happy for those who have been blessed.

As I was working all this out I hunted down some scripture to help with all of these emotions and feelings.

That's when I found this-

"Talk to your problems about how big your God is instead of talking to God about how big your problems are." - Joel Osteen

What an interesting concept. Instead of telling God about all that is going wrong, why not thank him for all that is going right. Instead of presenting my problems to God why not present my problems with God.

Instead of asking God to help me beat infertility- I want to tell infertility that because of God I am going to beat it. I don't know how its going to happen just yet. I’m not sure of God's plans- but he has a plan and I have to trust in it. In doing so I know that God will lead me to my answers.

I have never been the person that people turn to and say my friend Kasey is religious. I don't think some of my friends even know how strong my faith has become. Heck I don't often think of myself as religious, however if I didn't believe that God was in control I probably would be losing my mind right now.

I hate not being in control. I hate not being able to plan and move forward. The thing is having a baby isn’t something you get to plan. You can do everything right, and still not be pregnant. You an do everything wrong and wind up pregnant. Its all in God's hands.

I think that part of this journey was to help renew my faith and my trust in God. No matter what the doctors or I do if its not part of Gods plan its not going to work. We can create the best environment and pray for the best result, but God truly is in control. He really does have a plan. I have to believe in that.

He already knows what my problems are. I don't need to pray for him to fix them, because he is already working on them for me. I need to continue to move forward in my faith, keep my chin up, and trust in His plan.

I need to maintain a positive environment and know that my problems are already being worked on. I need to trust that there is a plan already in the works and I have to let control be in God's palm. He has a plan and I really am just along for the ride.

Everything really is going to be alright.

Its not too late to be a ray of sunshine today :)

Snapshot Sunday- Positivity and Beauty

For the next two weeks I am going to surround myself with only positivity and beauty. I plan to spew forth positivity until  I can't spew forth anymore positivity. 

I plan to look passed any negativity and not engage in anything that will bring me down from my personal positivity mountain. 

Last night we went out with a few friends to where Rob and I were married. It was a beautiful night out with wonderful friends. We had a wonderful dinner and watched the most majestic sunset over the Atlantic. 

Truly we were blessed with last night. 

It was like a postcard. Picture perfect! 

IUI #4

This morning we set our alarms and set off to procreate at the bright hour of 6:30am. We had to go to the other clinic, which is about an hour from our home, because my clinic does not do IUI's on Saturdays. 

We were able to watch a beautiful sunrise and arrived for our 7:30 drop off. Dh's counts post wash were 68 million- which is amazing. 

We had an ultra sound and there was confirmed released of my super follicle from the right ovary. My lining was still at 7mm and DH had a good count. 

My IUI was at 930 am. I felt like it went super fast and before I knew it I was told to start my Endometrin on Monday and I will be seen for an ultrasound and blood work on Friday. 

And out the door we went. 

During our ride home I just watched all the nature around us. The sun was shining, the clouds were perfectly white against a bright blue sky. 

I know its all in God's hands now. We did everything we could and everything looks great. I feel at peace with this cycle knowing there is noting else either of us could have done. If its meant to be, it will be. 

If its not meant to be we will still be okay.. but we're not going to think about that now. For now I am going to surround myself with warmth and positivity. 

So my Dear Dear super follie I hope you want to stick around for awhile. I've grown mighty attached to you and I hope that my uterus is a nice happy place that you choose to grow<3<3 

I truly hope God has chosen me to be your Mommy. 

Goodness do I want to be your Mommy<3

 

Dear Pam and Horizon Blue Cross..

Dear Pam, 

If you stumble here somehow and manage to read this I truly want you to know how truly thankful I am that I reached you on the other end of the benefits line today. I want to apologize for bursting into tears and making you  emotional and worried about me. Most of all thank you for fixing the billing issues. 

I know how blessed we are to have wonderful insurance. I wish so many others were as blessed as we are. For all of our IUI's up until June 2012 we only had to pay a $10 copay for each visit. The only additional payments we were required to make were for blood work in regards to progesterone because my insurance company wanted me to go to another lab for that. 

So when we received $1202.36 bill yesterday for June's IUI and July's blood work I nearly fainted. How could we go from having coverage and never receiving a bill- to receiving this large bill? This large bill that needed prompt payment prior to any further treatment. My husband lost his job in June, and at that time we switched the insurance over to my name. It is the same exact insurance company though. So what went wrong? Why don't we have coverage. anymore? Why are our deductibles threw the roof right now?? Did I do something wrong when I switched the insurance? We can't afford this is our IUI going to be cancelled?? So many questions. So much going through my mind. 

So today I went to the doctors and found that my little lonesome follicle did grow to 19mm and lining was still okay at 7mm so my IUI was scheduled for tomorrow morning. We can't afford the bill we just received, let alone go through with another IUI if there is change in our coverage right now. So when I got home from the doctors office I promptly called the benefits line. 

Thats when I reached you Ms. Pam. You took your time to explain that the issue was that all the information from our insurance when under my husbands name needed to be transferred to my name. The bills would be resubmitted, and we wouldn't owe anything. We wouldn't OWE anything. 

We are still covered. We can move forward in this cycle. I didn't do something wrong. 

We wouldn't owe anything. 

And then I started hysterically crying. You told me to take a deep breath. You promised me its all okay and there is no change in coverage. You wouldn't hang up until I stopped crying. You wished me luck. You were a human. You were like a mother. 

Pam you made my day. You really lifted a weight that had me backed into a corner. I was so scared that we were not going to be able to do this IUI. After all the other worries I have about this cycle- billing was not one of them. 

So while you may never find your way here, and you are probably currently leaning into a coworkers cubicle to tell them you just had a hysterical woman on your line- I truly thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

You see in this journey there is already so much. I've been carrying it around and pushing forward for so long now. I put on my happy face. I don't cry often- and unfortunately for you- you recieved me at the end of my rope. 

They were happy tears Pam. Tomorrow I will go to the doctors office and have my IUI. Everything will be covered by my insurance. My super follicle has stuck around and there is no reason left that this can't work. 

So Im sorry I burst into the tears- but I am just so happy that this may be it. That after lots and lots of hurdles - maybe this is it. And you Pam- you had a part in it. 

Im so thankful. 

So very thankful and blessed. 

Love,

The way overly emotional infertile woman you just hung up with<3